Page 25 of Rookie Days

“Does that mean I can come back to duty when the staples are removed?”

“As long as you pass the shooting test. Yes.”

“Thank you! I will. I won’t make you regret it.”

Quinn held out her hand. Ellie took it with a blazing smile.

“You know… I told myself I would rip you to shreds if you refused to talk to me. But I guess this is good enough, at least for the time being.”

“Trust me, I feel ripped enough.”

“Yeah? Well, trust me,” Quinn snorted, “it was nothing. But I remember what it was like when I was having the flashbacks.”

Ellie shot her a wide-eyed and baffled look.

“Flashbacks? You? Wow… I didn’t know.”

“No one knows apart from Captain Wilson and Lia.” Quinn started the engine and performed a tire-screeching, illegal U-Turn that had Ellie smirking in appreciation. “I had flashbacks from my time in the army. Nasty stuff happened when I was in Iraq. I lost a bunch of people from my team.”

Now Ellie sat stiffly, staring at her with a wondering frown on her face. Weary, but definitely paying attention.

“One day, when I was still a rookie like you, I froze in the middle of a gun fight taking place on the street. I was covering another officer from the station. My lapse didn’t last long before I recovered but even so, it could have been bad. I was lucky. Then Wilson got involved. He wanted me to speak to a shrink.”

Quinn carried on driving the speed limit on their way east, giving herself time to talk and for Ellie to absorb it.

“I convinced him it wouldn’t do any good. That I’d done it before and just had to get over it on my own time. I was a good cop. I showed promise. Also, I didn’t lie to him. So, he gave me the benefit of the doubt and let me carry on.”

She went quiet as they arrived in front of Ellie’s apartment building. Had to wait a while, but the question finally came.

“Did you get over it?”

“Yes, totally.”

“How?”

“In time, I forgave myself.”

“Mm. I’m glad you could.”

Ellie’s left fist was clenched so tightly on her thigh that her knuckles were all white. Quinn rested her fingers over hers and squeezed.

“Get some rest. Medical leave is an opportunity for you, not punishment. And keep me posted, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Daily updates, Detective.”

“Yes, Lieutenant. You’ll get them.”

Ellie reached for the door, pushed it open, and put one foot out. She turned back to her, eyes glistening and her face a little too pale. But she still smiled.

“Thank you, Quinn.”

“No problem.”

???

Dr Fox could stand in the OR for six hours straight when she was working on a patient, and never experience a moment of tiredness. A long time generally went by in the blink of an eye when she allowed herself to slip into a kind of trance, a flow state in which she was fiercely focused on the task at hand, but also relaxed. The procedure that day lasted‘only’just over four hours. Deep brain stimulation surgery on a sixty-five-year-old male patient with Parkinson’s disease. He was lightly sedated for pain but kept aware during the op. She needed him to do tasks and help guide electrodes to a precise location in his brain. The electrodes would be connected to a stimulator device similar to a heart pacemaker, and signal areas of his brain responsible for body movement. Like for any other kind of surgery, there were risks involved in this one: a potential for seizures, infection, and a 1% chance of bleeding in the brain. But the benefits in this case greatly outweighed the risks. And with Janet in charge, itwas another ace in the draw. The procedure went smoothly from beginning to end, and everyone came out smiling, including the patient.

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