Page 13 of Nyanine's Divide

“Yeah, I’ll be teaching some of the kids how we do laundry, work on some sewing. They need the guidance, and they seem to appreciate the structure of work during their days, so it’s helping them open up.”

“That’s great. I’m glad they’re talking to you. I’ll probably see if I can help Kari with her research, maybe do some patrols or hunting with the guys. Cruzig will be with you, I’ll probably be with Terax most of the day if not with Kari and Kosiiba.”

He seems unsure of his decision, and I get the sense that he’s feeling a bit useless, maybe. He hasn’t quite found his purpose in the village, outside of helping organize the hunters for security, and with that running itself for the most part on calm days like this, he’s lost. He doesn’t know where to be or what to do, and I wish I knew how to help. At the same time, I know Jeff will find his place on his own, he isn’t afraid to simply jump in where needed. He’ll find his purpose and place soon enough. I have faith in that and him.

We work together to clean up before going our separate ways, Cruzig walking peacefully beside me. I’ve grown used to his company, even if it annoys me at times to feel watched and followed. I know it’s for my safety, I just wish we didn’t need such measures in place. However, I can admit that, at timeswhen it’s quiet and lonely, having the company is nice, and Cruzig isn’t bad company.

I grab my washing baskets, Cruzig helping me carry the bags of clothing to the clear river that meets the great lake. A few of the girls are already there waiting for us when we come walking down the path in silence, the songs of the animals and the Sautii in the lake nearby our only company. They wave and smile, calling my name, and I smile back. The bonds of friendship I feel with many of them grow each time we spend our days together, and I love that I can be this motherly figure for them. It’s like having a whole litter of children already. Children that I’ve taken under my wing if not given birth to.

“Good morning, ladies! Are we ready to work on some clothes for today?”

They all pipe up with excitement, and I chuckle. Cruzig helps me get everything set up neatly before stepping back to let us have our work. He paces along the path’s edge, around the forest near us, keeping a watchful eye but at a distance for our privacy, which I respect and appreciate. The girls find it easier to talk to me when they don’t feel as if they have prying ears.

I quickly go through the motions of washing the clothes with the water, the soap we made, and the rhythm we swirl the baskets to clean. The Sautii sing from the water, popping up now and then to wave or call out, and we enjoy their music. There isn’t too much talk outside of our work until we sit down to sew at the cabins later, making new clothes for them and others with the hides the hunters have dried and cleaned for us.

The girls have mostly paired off and are talking in small groups, leaving me with Akivii, Kosiiba’s future mate, and Hadiiti, Terax’s future mate. Akivii is Sirah, much like Layanna, so she has the gray skin, black eyes, and long black hair, but unlike Layanna, Akivii is shorter with wider hips and plumper lips. She was taken as a baby, no family to speak of back on herplanet, so she came here for a fresh start. She’s so quiet, meek, terrified of others, but she’s bonded with me, making me the first mother figure she’s ever had in her life.

Hadiiti is Nyékondú, from a world not too far from our own. Her people are smaller in stature with red skin, scales, black eyes with white irises, and black hair. Hers is in a short bob style, which pairs well with her thin lips and pixie-like features. Her parents were killed when she was taken, but she says they were loving and caring despite her father being a grumpy man. When she was rescued, she had nowhere to go, so she started over here. She’s got a strength I’ve not seen in many of these girls, and I think that will do well with Terax’s bull-headed attitude.

Each of these girls has a long way to go in their recovery, to be honest, and they aren’t ready for mate bonds if you ask me, but the universe works in mysterious ways. Jeff has told me the men have seen them, they’re aware of the situation, but each is handling it differently. Kosiiba seems to have patience for his mate to recover, while Terax is hiding from her, ignoring the bond. I’m not sure how the girls will handle it when they figure it out, I’m not even sure if they’ve met them yet, but I hope for their sakes that they find a way through this. I don’t want either of them to end up more traumatized than they are now.

“Willa, the hunter with the scars, the angry-looking man, can you tell me about him?” Hadiiti asks as she works on a skirt. Her black eyes look up at me as she stops, waiting to see if I’ll answer, and I pause.

“Terax, his name is Terax. He’s the leader of a hunting party, second-in-command to Jeff, my mate. He’s had a very hard life, but it’s not my place to tell you about it. It’s why he seems so closed-off and angry.” I pinch my lips together and focus back on my work, unsure of how much to say.

“Do you think it’s possible he would bond with me as his mate?” Well, it seems she has met him and is completely awareof the bond they’re meant to share. Hadiiti’s tone is terse, giving me the sense that she’s not happy with his responses to her, which shouldn’t be surprising. Terax is a quiet, private, and lonely man who keeps to himself, preferring solitude over the uncomfortable looks of the villagers who fear he is a danger to us. Terax has never been a problem, but he’s been in danger, been hurt, and some wonder if he sought out that danger or would bring it here.

My hands stall, and I hear Akivii’s sharp but quiet intake of breath at her words. I take a deep breath and continue working, thinking this through. “I think you would have to discuss that with him. Terax isn’t someone that I know deeply, he’s a private man. You’d have to get under his exterior to find out.” Looking up, I see the upset on her face as her lips pinch and twist in thought. “Hadiiti, listen, don’t push him too hard. He’s been rejected by most people in his life. The hunters are all he knows, the only people who respect him. He’s a warrior, a hunter, not a lover. You’ll have to give him time to open up and learn to feel. But I think your strength would impress him, so don’t give up on him, just take it slow, okay?”

She nods, dropping her gaze back to her work. I sigh and keep going, wishing this topic had never come up. I should have known it would eventually, Jeff told me all about the bonds that Terax and Kosiiba felt flare to life at their appearances, but I thought we’d have more time before the girls felt it. They simply aren’t ready for this type of thing, they have too much to work through, and I’m not sure I’m the right person to be handling this. What do I know about healing from traumas such as theirs?

“I saw him when I first arrived, felt the bond instantly. I know he knows as well. But I’m broken, ruined… I’d need to heal to have a true mate….” Akivii’s words are quiet, a whisper, as she stares vacantly at the space before her. I swallow, waiting to see if she has a question or if that’s all there is to it. “What if I don’theal?” Tears slip from her eyes as her lip wobbles, her hands clutching at her chest over her heart.

Dropping my work, I slip from my chair and step over to her, sliding my arm around her shoulders. “Oh, Ki, you will, I know you will. These things take time, honey, and you’ve got support now to help you get through. What you went through, it was difficult, traumatic, and your mate understands that to an extent. He wouldn’t want to push you or make you feel forced to love him. But you will heal, you will get past this emotional pain, you will find your strength. You’re not in that environment anymore, now you just have to figure out what you like, who you are, and how to be yourself. Find what makes you happy and follow it, okay? We’ll be here to help you the entire way. You’re not alone.”

I hold her as she cries, Hadiiti holding her hand for additional comfort. What these girls went through, some of them had it worse than others. Akivii was essentially raised in that environment from day one, she’s never known such love and kindness, never had freedom. This is all completely new for her and must be so incredibly overwhelming.

I understand in a small sense what it’s like to live with someone who claims to love you or doesn’t at all and simply uses you, yells at you, beats you. Xenshay was terrible to me, but I can’t imagine what it was like for her, to be broken at such a young age, never getting a chance to learn to stand on your own two feet with encouragement and love. She may always fear that those things will come back to haunt her, she may never fully recover from this, but I will do all I can to make sure that she gets the best chance to try, grow, and learn to find confidence and love in herself. She isn’t an item, she’s a person and deserves to feel as such.

With these thoughts comes the realization that I maybe do have more of an idea of how to help them. I may not have beenabused to the same extent as these girls, but I was abused, I did struggle, I was used, and I got through it. My experiences are similar enough that I can understand to an extent and utilize that knowledge and what worked for me to give them options. I may very well be able to help them heal after all, much more than I realized was possible.

With that thought, I tell Akiivi some of the things I did to help me get through, like sharing my trauma with a trusted friend to get it out of my head, letting someone else carry my burden with me. I also recommend she work to make friends, to open up, to learn to communicate and stand up for her own choices. When she experiments with relationships and what she enjoys to do as a person, she’ll learn the things she likes and doesn’t, what she believes in and doesn’t, and it’ll make it that much easier for her when she does bond with Kosiiba. She’ll have her own personality, her own things to hold onto so she doesn’t feel as if she’s nothing more than a mate with nothing of herself.

After we get our work finished, I head home with all my things in tow, Cruzig helping me carry the heavier items. He’s quiet for a long time, and I don’t miss the sigh that escapes him. I know how he feels, and I turn my head, looking up at him. “Don’t worry, Cruzig, your mate will come along soon. The time just isn’t right yet, don’t give up hope.”

He huffs, but a smile tugs at his lips. “Thanks, Willa.”

I smile, wishing there was more I could do to help. My heart feels heavy with the wounds of others, and I have a moment where I wish I wasn’t the one trying to help hold them up. It’s exhausting being everyone’s sunshine and hope. But it also feels like my purpose, to uplift them and give them the encouragement and messages they need to find their strength, and despite that weight and exhaustion, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chapter 10

Kari

Groaning, I slam my finger down on the laptop button, smashing it in the hopes of making something work. “Son of a bitch, come on! How hard can this be!?” I set the laptop aside before I decide to throw it in the river and stand, walking away for a moment. I find a good drop off spot and sit, dropping my feet in the cool water as I hang my head and listen to it bubble around me.

This morning, I grabbed the laptop and a cup of tea from Vahru and headed out here in the hopes that the calm peace of the woods would help me stay relaxed and focused enough to find some new information. Despite my efforts, I’ve only grown frustrated as the information seems to be the same no matter which source it comes from. Everything makes this seem like a simple high school drama rather than a world on the brink of war.

No matter what I do to figure out these hidden features, I can’t seem to get it right. I either backtrack, nothing happens, or I get error messages, and I’m hitting my limit with this. I thought this was supposed to help me, but it’s like the child lock is on, and I’m too fucking stupid to figure the damn thing out. This Kij guy is either way too smart for his own good or is a complete moron, I haven’t decided yet.

---