Page 2 of Restoring the Ngozii

I take deep, cleansing breaths, forcing my heart rate to slow as I calm myself, despite the angry, swirling thoughts in my mind. I’m a boiling pot of emotions, unsure of what’s right anymore. What if she was right, and Mother never told him I existed. He’s innocent, meaning I’m the monster they fear rather than the righteous priestess getting justice for her people.

It could have been a lie, a ploy to get me to let down my guard so he could hurt me and break me down just like Mother did. I won’t be broken again by another who is supposed to love and care for me. He won’t have that chance.

“Priestess, is everything all right? I thought I heard a scream…” A guard hovers in the doorway, his short purple hair spiked up with a natural plant sap from the caves. His silver eyes are wide, skimming the cave before settling on me, as his lips remain parted, his stance prepared for a fight.

“I’m fine, it’s been handled. What’s going on?” I turn fully to face him, adjusting my shoulders back as I stand tall.

“I was coming to let you know that the pyre is ready for Nafeesa. The sun is setting. It’s nearly time.” He steps his feet together, giving me a deep bow and remaining that way until I step close enough to place a hand to his shoulder. He rises, his eyes meeting mine as I give him a sad smile and take a deep breath.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll go prepare. Please, get everyone ready for the ceremony.”

He nods as I walk past him before he follows me out, going the opposite direction when I head for my chambers. My footsteps are quiet, less assured as I walk now, my mind wondering what is right for my next steps. Was Kari trying to help me, was I being blinded by rage and not seeing that? Was she who the Wonékano told me to listen to?

My thoughts return to the memory of my mother grieving one night as I was young, cursing someone for leaving, for taking the only joy in her life, for ruining her legacy. She didn’t know I was there, listening outside the chamber. The next morning, she looked at me with a hint of hope, but it wasn’t long before that hope was extinguished, and Mother became an automaton running on autopilot as she went through her duties, looking at me as little as possible. Who did she grieve? Criido didn’t take from her, did he? So was it his love she cried for or someone else’s? I cried for Criido’s love, and it never came. Shouldn’t that be enough for me to move forward?

My feet pause outside my curtained doorway as I stare at the cloth covering, attempting to clear my mind and failing. The curtain slowly peels back, revealing Seuke as he gazes at me in worry, Xenshay rubs his chest behind him across the room as he, too, gazes at me with concern. “What is it, my love? What has you so tortured?”

Seuke grabs my hand, pulling me into the room as he watches me closely. I pause inside, my gaze bouncing between them as they come close and circle me in their arms. My eyes fall closed as I soak up their warmth and strength, needing it to move forward with this day, to sort through my jumbled thoughts and feelings.

“I spoke with Captain Kari. Well, yelled, more like.” They stiffen, their arms dropping as I step out of the embrace and head for my clothes, needing to get ready for Nafeesa’s funeral.

“What do you mean, Priestess? You astro traveled to her?” Seuke asks gently, and I look over my shoulder as I remove my clothes, noticing their upset. Seuke looks concerned, a hint of anger in his eyes at me not alerting him to such a thing, which normally leaves me incapacitated afterward. He needs to guard me and care for me when I do such things, not telling him is unacceptable. Shay looks uncertain as he assesses me carefully.

Turning back to the task at hand, I begin to fasten the elegant white dress to my body. Slipping my legs through the skirt before pulling the top up and slipping my arms through the sheer sleeves. The top portion of the skirt and the breasts of the dress are solid white, the rest of it sheer to help with the heat we live in. However, it’s the most modest of all my clothing, covering my body from neck to ankles.

Seuke steps close to tie the dress at my back as I hold my hair away, speaking carefully. “She was standing in my meditation cave when I entered after checking the sick.” I pause as Seuke does, his breath halting before he exhales, listening closely.

“She was dream walking. I’m not sure how she did it, but she was there nonetheless. She tried to make excuses for Criido, telling me to give him a chance. I couldn’t listen to her lies, so I threw her from the cave. Before I had much chance to think it through, to process, I was told that Nafeesa’s pyre is ready, so we must go.”

“Vee, maybe she was right-”

“Shay, I love you, but I won’t discuss this any further at the present moment.” I whirl around to face them, hurt clear on his face, his eyes meeting mine for a moment before they drop, his shoulders sagging in a small bow.

“Apologies, Priestess. I didn’t mean to overstep.” He turns to follow Seuke as they dress for the funeral. I turn back to the mirror in the room, pulling my hair back from my face as I fasten on my headdress, letting it cover my face in mourning.

As we all turn to face each other, my eyes roaming over my mates, I regret snapping at them. They’re only trying to help me, and this being a difficult and painful time is no excuse to treat them horribly.

“Forgive me, my loves. I shouldn’t snap at you for trying to help me. I’m still trying to process everything myself. Before meeting Kari, the goddess Wonékano spoke to me. She’s given me her blessing and told me things will work out in due time, but I’m afraid. How long will it be? How many more will I fail before this is resolved? What if her blessing is misplaced?” Tears begin to fall down my cheeks, causing Seuke to rush forward and lift my headdress to dry them.

“Oh, sweet love, the goddess would not bless you only to have you fail. She does not misplace her faith. You will do her proud.” He pulls me into his arms, squeezing me close as I sob out my confusion and frustration.

“Vee, love, you have so much pressure on your shoulders, but you are not carrying it alone. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself, we’re here to balance it out, okay? We’ve got you, forever and always.” Shay’s gentle words are whispered into my hair as he wraps his arms around me from behind, squeezing Seuke and I together further. He kisses my temple, his love pouring through the bond to me, lifting my heart as my tears slow, and I’m able to pull back to stand on my own.

“Thank you. I don’t know that I deserve you two, but I’m eternally grateful anyway.” A small chuckle escapes me, making them both smile as they adjust my hair, dry my cheeks, and settle my headdress back into place.

Shay steps forward, holding out his arm as Seuke turns and steps back to my side, following Shay’s gesture. “May we escort you, Priestess?” Xenshay smiles brightly, making me grin back as I take both their arms and let them lead me outside.

It takes some time for everyone to file out onto the surface, each person stepping up to adorn Nafeesa’s body in flowers. She’s covered in a sheer black shroud, the cave flowers placed all around and atop her as she rests on the pyre. It’s a beautiful sight that makes my heart both leap and ache for her.

The last person to approach is her mother. Dressed in traditional white grieving clothes, tears tracking down her cheeks relentlessly, she places an entire bouquet on her daughter's chest, her hand caressing her cheek one last time before she bows deeply at my feet, weeping. I bend down, placing a hand on her head as I whisper my apologies one last time.

I step up onto the large rock the pyre is built upon, my mates standing on either side of the pyre. My gaze sweeps over the large crowd of people, my people. Their pink skin is darker against the white clothes they wear, their purple hair swaying in the gentle breeze of the outdoors. The planet is vast, plenty of red dirt and dried plants and sticks as far as the eye can see. The stars are bright tonight, almost as if they approve of what we’re doing, shining down upon us.

Taking a deep breath, I begin before the sun rises and burns us all. “Nafeesa was a sweet, hardworking, smart young woman. I cannot even express the intense amount of pain, grief, and regret I feel at not being able to save her innocent life. Tonight, we will send her soul to the great goddess above where we will be able to meet her again one day.”

There are nods and sniffles all around as everyone bows their heads. “Wakike Wonékano, please accept our dear Nafeesa into your arms tonight. She was one of the best of us and deserves to be where she’ll be loved and seen again. Amína.”

“Amína.” The crowd repeats before gasps sound all around, but I ignore them as I send another silent prayer to my goddess, begging her to take Nafeesa and help us all before it’s too late.

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