Page 19 of Restoring the Ngozii

Kari

Standingonthebalconyoverlooking the main cave, we’re shrouded in sadness and silence. The entire cave system seems sullen, darker, and the tension is at an all-time high. Kosiiba stays close to me, always ready to defend should Tavionna or someone else decide that I am the ultimate enemy. There are a few moments where I think he may be right. A look from a warrior here or a scoff from a mother there, it gets to me.

I don’t want to judge these people too harshly, they’ve been alone, isolated, in these caves and on this planet for centuries. Of their own will or under the priestesses' wills, I’m not certain, but they’ve avoided mingling with the rest of the universe for a long time. Perhaps if they would open themselves up to the rest of us, things could be different in many ways.

Glancing over at Tavionna, she stands a head or so taller than I, tears still dripping down her face over the loss of another of her people. I understand that pain all too well. It’s not something easily forgotten.

“I’m so sorry, Tavionna. I know how hard this is, to watch another member of your community fall to this disease. I’m sorry we couldn’t save him.”

She turns and sneers at me, her tear-stained face twisting in anger as she growls, “What do you possibly know of this? What loss have you ever felt that even compares, human?”

Kosiiba stiffens beside me, his hand lifting to his knife belt across his chest, but I simply take a deep breath and let it out slowly, keeping eye contact with her. She deserves to see the truth in my eyes when I explain exactly how I know what her pain feels like.

“In the first few years of my captainship, I was in charge of a small team of astronauts on the space station. We were outside the ship, routine maintenance, nothing major. We’d done it dozens of times before without a single hiccup. The three of us were working near each other, but not close enough to reach, and our newest member lost his grip. His tools slipped from his hand, his only saving grace was the cord tethering him to the station. I began rushing to pull him in when a random bit of space debris whizzed between us, severing the line. With the station floating around the planet at thousands of miles an hour, he was gone before we could do anything. Jumping for him, I still couldn’t make it. Jeff had to pull me in before I was lost. Despite how many times we floated around the planet, we never found him. He was gone, and I had nightmares for months after.”

I pause, taking a deep breath as tears prick my eyes at the memory. My gaze is unfocused as I let it fall over the cavern below us, my words flowing freely from me.

“I was in charge, it was my job to keep him safe and bring him home, and I failed. The worst part wasn’t the failure, it was coming home to face his family, to explain what happened… and they didn’t even blame me.” A sob breaks free of me for a moment, but I breathe deep and hold it in, refusing to fall apart over this again after all these years. “They said that he knew the risks, so did they, and were prepared to handle it, no matter how hard. They were merely thankful we weren’t all lost. So, yeah, I understand what it feels like to be in charge, to be the one meant to protect them, and end up powerless to do anything, forced to watch them suffer and die. It’s not easy, it never is and never gets easier. It takes its toll, but you keep pushing forward for the ones you have left.”

When I glance over at Tavionna, I note the understanding and sad expression on her face. Part of me wants to jump for joy that I may be getting to her, reaching that heart I know lies deep within, but I also see the walls she’s trying to keep up. She nibbles her lip in contemplation for a long moment, her tears finally drying as she thinks.

“I was raised to do nothing but this, to rule over them, keep them safe and healthy here on this planet, and I’m failing at my only task.” She pauses, taking several breaths before she scoffs as she stares down below. “You know, I never even stopped to feel gleeful over the fact that I was now their priestess, they could no longer ridicule me and hurt me as they once did. They bow to me, respect me, listen to me, and my abnormalities are no longer of issue. However, despite that, all I could ever really feel for them was responsibility as I suffered the biggest loss of my life. I’ve never even felt free from my mother’s reins. It often feels as if she’s standing over my shoulder, yelling at me, telling me how much of a disappointment I am to her for not surpassing her as I should have. Even after being gifted these new powers, I still feel as if I’m missing something…”

Her voice trails off, and we stand in silence once more. I take in her words, understanding how a loss of one's only parent could take a toll unlike any other. She may have been hard on her, but she was all she had, that counts for something.

Top it off with the fact that she feels completely and utterly responsible for every single being in these caves, she’s got the literal weight of a world on her shoulders. All she wants to do is keep them healthy, and she can’t even figure out what’s making them sick. She’s been under enormous pressure to be something she doesn’t even have blueprints for, instructions for, and it took a toll. She’s become vengeful and angry because her mother screwed her over, left her with a problem and no solutions to help her solve it, not even hints to one! She can’t be any older than me, and she never truly got to be a child. It may sound crazy, even in my own mind, but I think she’s just a girl trying to fill a woman’s shoes.

“I’m going to check on the sick. Stay here.” She pins me with a serious look before whirling and stalking away. I hear someone shift in the hall, telling me we’re not alone, not even close. Which is fine by me. I never expected her to leave me alone entirely, that would show way too much trust on her part.

“Captain, I don’t mean to be rude, but are you sure this is really the right course of action?” Kosiiba leans in close to me, whispering in my ear as I stare out over the sea of people below. I turn my head slightly, indicating I’m listening, and he continues explaining his concern. “I mean, all this bonding, secret sharing, is it really the way to handle this? She’s out to kill us all. It seems like we should be on the defense, protecting ourselves, not opening up.”

I turn and rest my left elbow on the rock railing and look at Kosiiba, really look at him. In Earth terms, he’s merely a boy, barely sixteen, if that. He’s concerned for his friends, his home, and I don’t blame him, but I see past that to something deep inside. There’s a different issue at heart here, and clearly, I’m the only one who sees it. Maybe that’s how it was meant to be, me showing the others just how things should be looked into and not assumed. When we act without thinking first, it changes the outcome, ruins opportunities.

“Kosiiba, what do you see when you look at Tavionna? What do you think when you hear her stories?” I simply stare at him, his brows furrowing in confusion as he shifts uncomfortably, his eyes flicking between me and the guard in the hall who can most likely hear us. My eyes remain locked on his as I wait for his response. His hands lift to fidget with his knife belt as he responds.

“Honestly? I see a danger, a threat to your safety and our villages’ safety. She’s threatened you, Vahru, the chief, and the village. She’s not to be trusted, and every word out of her mouth is a lie. She’s just trying to make us feel bad for her with her sob stories. I don’t buy it.” His gaze hardens as he sticks to his guns, refusing to see more than his own assumptions of her. I lift my chin and look out over my nose at the people below.

“And what of them?”

“Well, they’re just innocent villagers led by a priestess who’s out for blood. It’s not their fault.” I cock an eyebrow at that and can’t stop the corner of my lip from tipping up.

“That’s surprising considering that if they were to invade our village, despite that thought, you wouldn’t hesitate to cut them down, now would you?”

He opens his mouth and slowly shuts it back, his eyes narrowing on me for a moment. “You are correct.”

“So, let me ask you this, if you’re able to see these people as nothing more than puppets of their leader, then why would you not give the leader the same benefit of the doubt? Just because her mother is no longer here to lead her, doesn’t mean that she didn’t have a profound impact on her and may still have.”

“Yes, but she’s in charge now, she should be making the right choices for her people.”

Both my eyebrows shoot up at that comment, and his eyes widen as if he wants to take back what he said. “How can you know what the right choices are if you can only see one or two of the many options? When we only have pieces of the puzzle, we can only guess as to what it might be when complete.”

He sighs and looks out over the balcony, turning to rest his arms and lean against the rock. I follow his lead and shift with him, staring out as I explain in the simplest way I can.

“Look, Kosiiba, I’m not trying to badger you or make you feel bad about your own insights. But perhaps I can be clear in my reasoning for handling things this way.” He glances at me, curiosity glinting in his green eyes.

I take a deep breath and try to clear my mind, letting my words flow freely and honestly. “The truth is, when I look at Tavionna, I see another woman in a position of power who’s struggling to do what’s right. She and I are in the same shoes. We’re both trying to keep our people happy and healthy, living a life they should while we shoulder the tough burdens for them. It isn’t easy in any sense, and sometimes, there are no right answers. She’s alone here with no contact to the rest of the universe and was lacking simple resources. Had she had a friend on the outside to contact for help, we wouldn’t be in this situation, there would be no threats hanging over our heads right now. She’d have had another option. She saw two, let her people continue to die or find somewhere else to go that’s hopefully better and safer. I saw a third option. The third being my generosity. I could be that connection, that friend she needed from the beginning. I can give her a way out that keeps everyone safe. There’s a saying on Earth that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Using force and threats only leads to more force and threats, anger, hatred, it continues to breed, and we end up with war. If you extend kindness to the universe, it tends to give it back. If we succeed in this, we’ve extended a large amount of kindness to Tavionna, and perhaps she’ll see the error of her ways and grant us that kindness in return.”

I turn my head to meet his gaze, his eyes wide, eyebrows raised. His hair is swung over his right shoulder, wisps framing his face, and I gently tuck one behind his ear as I smile. “I firmly believe this is the way to go about this because if the script were flipped and I were in her shoes, all I’d want is someone to help me, teach me, let me find my footing without beating me down. She’s been beaten down enough in her life. It’s time she sees what true love and kindness can bring.”

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