Page 1 of Cruel Cravings

1.Jael

My Horror - Santigold

“Congratulations on your special day.”

Nurse Big Bird smiles at me from behind the nurse’s station where all the ladies in white keep their refrigerated lunches and pictures of their kids and dogs. She’s tall and broad for a woman, with feathered blonde hair and the kind of benevolent smile that’s almost patronizing. Her real name is Sandy or Susan or something else that starts with an S.

But I’m bad with names so Big Bird is what stuck.

“Jael,” she says in a tone that’s almost motherly. “Are you listening to me?”

I snap out of my thoughts and back to the present. “Hmmm?”

Big Bird taps the blue folder on the desk counter. She wears her nails long. Talons that are painted a deep emerald green today. “Your post inpatient care plan. It’s all in the folder. Do you remember where to go to check your next appointment with Dr. Wolford?”

I think for a second. “Inside the folder.”

“Whereinside the folder?” she presses.

I tap my foot, looking anywhere but at her. “The calendar.”

“On page three. Right at the front. It’s also programmed in your phone. And where are you headed next?”

“Old Northam.”

Her smile falters for knitted brow concern. “But where in Old Northam?”

“My grandmother’s.”

“Good girl,” she says. “We’ll be checking in with you in a few days to make sure you’re following the plan. But you can reach out at any time using the emergency numbers listed. If you start seeing him again, you need to reach out immediately.”

I nod enough times to placate her and then gather all my things into my arms. It’s surprising the amount of things you can accumulate without even realizing it, but I won’t leave a single thing behind. Not even Thorny, my hedgehog cactus plant that I won during the white elephant Christmas party. Not even the origami paper stars we made during arts and crafts hour.

All of it is precious and I know what it’s like to be thrown away like nothing.

Grandma Opal used to laugh and say I had a problem letting things go. I never liked leaving stuff behind. The rattiest teddy bear was mine forever.

My arms shake hauling my backpack, heavy duffle bag, and box of assorted things outside all at once. The November air is crisp and cool on my skin. The sun is warm on my face. The street is so busy and noisy that it’s instant sensory overload.

I almost turn to go back inside the hospital, then I take a deep breath and remind myself this is a new chapter of my life.

A brand new chance to get myself together and act right.

This time will be different from the other times.

I have the blue folder. I have the calendar reminders and the emergency contact numbers. Big Bird believes in me.

The ride share car rumbles from the curb of the sidewalk. A stout man waves his arm out the window to signal he’s waitingon me. I return his gesture with a smile until I notice a different man.

The one lurking from across the street.

He’s enough out of view so that only I see him. Only I’m aware he’s watching.

But what else is new?

I’m always the only one who knows about him. Everyone else just seems oblivious.

Inside Brighter Days, they claimed he wasn’t real. The shadow man, as I’ve called him, was just a figment of my imagination. Standing at well over six feet tall, his massive frame and minotaur head were all things I’ve dreamed up.

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