Page 53 of Deliver Me

“Your expert witness?” Judge Turner asked as Amy hesitated.

“She was scheduled in a different courtroom this morning, Your Honor,” Amy said with a wince, “and she seems to be running a little late.”

Judge Turner tapped a finger on the wooden stand in front of her as she looked at her watch. “We’ll take a thirty-minute recessthen before the next witness is called,” she announced, tapping the gavel so that the sound of it echoed through the room and giving Amy a pointed warning look. “Everyone please be back here by then.”

Mia watched in silence as the guards led Gabriel from the room, her jaw clenched anxiously when he didn’t look at her at all.

“Take that bathroom break,” Amy encouraged. “We still have a long day ahead of us.” She walked out then, leading the way as the rest of them shuffled out awkwardly behind her. They had been cordial to one another, all of them polite if a bit distant, but the morning’s testimony had drawn them together with a forced intimacy that made them quiet and reluctant to meet each other’s eyes.

The witnesses’ wounds and secrets had been laid bare and Mia felt like she’d been an unwanted spectator to something sordid and painful. She was distant and numb as they moved through the crowded hallway, exhausted by the emotions that had buffeted her since Michael had first taken the stand.

They all walked together to the bathroom around the corner and Mia watched Brittany in the mirror as they stood side-by-side at the sink. She, too, looked fragile, her eyes weary and fingers shaking slightly as she dried them on cheap brown paper towels that were too stiff and too thin to absorb the water. She tossed them in the trash, already full almost to overflowing, and wiped her hands on the sides of her expensive black slacks.

Lilly and the others had already left, the door swinging shut behind them and leaving the two women alone as Brittany cleared her throat. “Thank you for sitting with me today. It was difficult to relive those things and to hear about everything that happened to him.”

Mia bit her lip, her teeth digging in harder than they would normally have done. “You still care about him,” she said, “and Iunderstand that, but I love him, and it hurts a little that he still looks at you the way that he does. I just thought you should know that before you thank me.”

Brittany smiled and her perfectly even white teeth flashed briefly in the harsh fluorescent lighting that flickered overhead. “All the more reason for me to say it. You’ve put aside any personal feelings or discomfort about what happened between us years ago because you love him. He’s lucky to have you.”

Mia sighed, the guilt she felt for the flash of jealousy she’d felt in the courtroom easing just a bit. “Thanks,” she said stiffly, but Brittany laid a gentle hand on her arm.

“We went through a lot together and it’s been a little overwhelming seeing him again after all this time. It brings back a lot of feelings we didn’t have time to process back then. If he’s feeling anything right now, it’s probably the same kind of weird nostalgia. I loved Gabriel, but I was a different person then.”

“I’m sorry,” Mia said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other and chewing on the raw spot she was rapidly wearing into her bottom lip. “I know that you’re trying to help us.”

“I’m a small broken piece of his past,” Brittany said, stepping forward to give Mia a gentle-armed squeeze, her arm wrapped around Mia’s waist as they walked out of the bathroom together. “You know him better now than I ever did.”

Lilly was the only one waiting in the hallway when they came back out and she stood up from the bench she was sitting on when she saw them. “Is everything okay? It’s almost time to start so everyone else went back in.”

“It’s fine,” Mia assured her. “It’s just been a hard day.”

“It has been hard,” Brittany agreed, “but it was a long time coming.”

Everyone else—missing witness included—was already seated when they returned to their places. Gabriel was back in his chair beside Amy, his head in his hands as she leaned overclose to his ear and spoke to him in a voice that was too quiet for Mia to hear. She cleared her throat quietly when Amy finished speaking and turned to go over her notes, but he didn’t turn to look at her as she’d hoped, and she shifted restlessly.

He was slouched in his chair, back hunched and shoulders slumped, and he refused to look at her.

She had only a moment to wonder before the door at the front opened and Judge Turner resumed her seat, bringing court back into session with another tap of her gavel.

“Your next witness, please,” she said, indicating to Amy to begin before the echoes had faded from the room.

Amy stood, squeezing Gabriel’s arm reassuringly and calling for Dr. Engell to take the stand.

The psychologist appeared to be several years older than Amy, though softer in the eyes and less rigid in her posture. She seemed at ease in the courtroom, with a relaxed demeanor that Mia knew must have come with years of testifying.

“Dr. Engell, can you tell how long ago you evaluated Gabriel for the first time?”

“Thirteen years ago.”

“And the results of that evaluation?”

“His mental state was as expected for the abuse that he’d suffered and the trauma he experienced from killing his father. His time with Richard and Seth had given him a severe form of chronic post-traumatic stress disorder, known as PTSD. We tend to associate this with those who have seen combat, but it’s common after the brain experiences trauma of any kind and is often seen in those who have been abused or sexually assaulted.”

“I understand,” Amy said. “And what effects does PTSD have on the brain and a person’s behavior?”

“The brain changes in structure and function when experiencing trauma at that level,” Doctor Engell explained. “It becomes more sensitive and the neurotransmitters that areassociated with stress are produced in greater amounts when the person experiences stress. The person may experience nightmares, sleep disturbances, intrusive memories, or anger and irritability. They may react unpredictably to any stimulus that triggers the mind to remember the events that caused the trauma.”

“So, you’re saying that people with PTSD are dangerous?”

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