Page 79 of Deliver Me

“That’s not enough,” Gabriel said. “Do you think an apology is enough for everything that happened to me?”

Lilah tipped her chin up, her lips trembling. “Have you ever done even that much for killing your father?”

“Get out,” Gabriel said flatly. “Get out and don’t come back.”

For a moment Mia thought Lilah might break, that the sadness in her eyes might be enough for her to let go of her grip on her pride and beg for forgiveness, but whatever emotion had been on her face was soon wrestled into submission. “Very well,” she said crisply. “I had hoped … Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter what I’d hoped.”

“No,” Gabriel agreed. “It doesn’t.”

Lilah paused in the doorway. “Have a good life, Gabriel. I wish you happiness and whatever peace you can find.”

He followed her out, watching as she began to descend the stairs with her bodyguards close behind and then slamming the door and turning on Mia where she still stood at the edge of the dining room.

“I can’t believe she had the nerve to come here after everything,” he said. His eyes were wild, a lifetime of hurt and anger suddenly pulled from the depths with nowhere to go. “What the fuck did she expect was going to happen? That I’d just pretend all these years hadn’t happened?”

“I don’t know what she expected,” Mia said. “I know you’re upset but—”

“She just shows up here, pushes her way into my home, and tells me I’m the one that needs to apologize.”

“Gabriel,” Mia said, trying to get close enough to pull him into a calming embrace. “She’s gone now.”

“She’s always been gone.” He brushed by Mia and pushed both hands through his hair. “I wanted her to leave and now I’m pissed that she left. She can’t just do this to me goddamnit,” he growled, his fury exploding as his fist darted out and smashed through the dining room wall.

Mia jumped at the sound and took a few quick steps back, her back bumping against the front door as she stared at him with wide eyes. He’d been on edge since Lilah’s first letter had arrived and she’d seen him lost in his nightmares before, but she’d never feared what he might do until this moment.

He swung around to face her, knuckles scraped and bloody, and paled when he saw her face and her hand gripping the door. He held his hands up, palms facing her in a gesture of surrender and shook his head helplessly, as though he was trying to clear it of whatever emotions had taken him over or deny the brief flare of fear she knew he’d been able to read in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Damn it, Mia, I’m so sorry. I didn’t … I would never scare you, not on purpose.”

“I know.” Her legs shook beneath her, and she sank to the floor, her back pressed against the door and her forehead pressed to her knees.

“Mia?”

The first sob wrenched itself from her chest, deep and agonized as she curled around herself, tightened herself into a protective ball with her arms wrapped around her torso. There was no way to hide it now, no way to tuck it away and keep the smile pasted on her face. She’d sworn to herself she’d never give up on him, but neither could she watch him continue to go on ashe was. They had both done their best, but they didn’t have the tools they needed to overcome all their challenges alone.

She heard him hit his knees beside her, his touch hesitant as he pushed her hair out of the way and tried to peer under her arms to her face. “Mia?” He was a supplicant, tears clogging his voice as he waited for her to respond. “I’m so sorry, please, I didn’t—”

He opened his arms, his words faltering, and she crawled into his lap. They sat together on the floor, both of them crying as the tension that had accumulated over the weeks since his release finally became more than they could handle. So many things had come between them, and it was more than they could bear.

“I love you,” he said when her tears had finally exhausted themselves and she sat quietly hiccupping with her face pressed into his neck.

“I know,” she promised. The skin beneath her lips tasted of her own salty tears when she pressed a soft reassuring kiss there, his muscles jumping beneath her touch. “I can’t do this anymore.”

He froze, unnatural stillness followed by gentle quivering. “Please—”

“No,” she hurried, pulling him in for a kiss. “I don’t mean like that. I just mean, we need help. We don’t know what we’re doing, and we need someone to help us figure it out.”

He relaxed again, buried his face in her hair. “I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you think we need to do.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Winter

Dr. Lucas’ office was quiet and relaxing and there was never any pressure to talk about a particular subject. With no set agenda, Gabriel began by talking about the easy topics, about Mia and how much he loved her. How much he worried that he was too damaged to keep her. It seemed natural after that to talk about his fears and why he had them. Weeks passed slowly and he began to feel calmer, more able to engage with people in the world without the panic and guilt that had always swallowed him before.

“Things have gotten better since you started coming here?”

Gabriel shrugged, bouncing his knee to give release to some of his restless energy. The office was comfortable enough—quiet, with soothing blue walls and plush chairs—but it wasn’t always enough to settle his nerves. “The nightmares have gotten better, less frequent.”

“That’s good,” Dr. Lucas said. “Is there anything that hasn’t gotten better?”

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