Page 77 of Deliver Me

“I know it isn’t too late but I’m only just now realizing how much what my parents did set me back in life. I had to learn to love myself, figure out who I actually am, so I can be ready to love others.”

“We’ll love and support you while you figure it all out,” Mia promised.

Kennedy picked at her plate as her eyes roamed over the crowd. “I see you finally got Gabriel here, but where’s Mrs. Newberry? Or did he already run her off?”

Mia rolled her eyes. “She’s on vacation. I’m as glad as anyone that she’s gone butof courseshe’d choose to be gone the first time Gabriel decided to come.”

“If it was possible, I’d believe she did it on purpose.”

Mia would have believed it, too, but truthfully, as much as she wanted Mrs. Newberry to stop making snide comments about Gabriel’s lack of attendance, she didn’t want him exposed to her cruelty. It was undoubtedly for the best that she wasn’t anywhere near him. Especially when she realized he’d gotten up to get another drink and hadn’t come back. If Mrs. Newberry had been there, she would have cornered him before Mia knew he was missing.

She found him outside, alone and isolated as he leaned against the wall and looked over the small flower bed with its fading summer blooms. Undeniably handsome in his crisp white shirt, he still gave every impression of a man that was on the verge of bursting at the seams. He’d been restless since he got out, understandably so, but it had gotten worse since the arrival of the letter from Lilah.

She’d forgotten about it entirely the night it had arrived, hadn’t had time to read the name before Gabriel had tossed it onto the table and it had been out of sight, out of mind. His lips had been pressed into a thin line of rage when she’d found him sitting at the table the next morning with his coffee in one hand and a letter from his mother in the other. “It’s from Lilah,” he’d said flatly, waving around the unopened envelope.

“Are you going to open it?”

He’d shaken his head and ripped the thick cream paper, filling their small kitchen with the sound of condemnation. “Where was she,” he asked, “when I needed her most? All mylife she gave me money instead of time, instead of support or forgiveness or even love. Fuck my mother.”

Mia had only nodded and curled up in his lap, her hand resting over his pounding heart, but his anger—already a problem for them as he tried to adjust to his new life—had only gotten worse, as had his nightmares.

As much as Mia had always wanted Lilah to be the mother that Gabriel deserved, she had begun to wish that the letter had never come. Far from being helpful, it seemed to be making everything worse. Another challenge was the last thing that they needed right now. Gabriel’s trust fund had taken the material worries off their shoulders, but it would have been a lie to say that the money had been enough to make anything easy for them.

Gabriel was the partner of her life and the love of her heart, but he was far from healed.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “Mind if I join you?”

He shook his head and made room for her at the railing. “I wasn’t hiding,” he said, “I was just …” He waved a hand at the party inside. It was a scene of love and laughter and community …one that he still didn’t feel like he was truly part of, she knew. He probably wasn’t, truth be told, because he’d lost so much time while the world went on without him.

She sighed and stepped closer, nudging at his arm until he opened his embrace for her to curl into. “Are you ready to go home?”

“I’m sorry …”

“Don’t apologize,” she said. “You tried and I can’t ask for more.”

He stood and held her for another minute, and she didn’t think that she imagined the wistfulness of his sigh. He wanted to stay, wanted to be a part of life, but it remained stubbornly just out of his reach.

Chapter Thirty-One

Six weeks after the arrival of her first letter, Lilah knocked on the door of their apartment.

Mia had just enough time to regret her recent life choices in the brief moment between opening the door to find her standing on their welcome mat looking every inch a US senator in a cream-colored suit and hearing Gabriel suck in a furious breath as he appeared at her elbow and found his mother waiting for him. They should have sent a letter back telling Lilah to leave them alone, or she could have called to request it personally. Anything to keep her from showing up unexpectedly and pulling all of Gabriel’s issues to the surface with no warning.

Her fingers tightened on the doorknob, and she wondered for one wild second if she could simply close the door in Lilah’s face and act like it hadn’t happened, simply turn to Gabriel and pretend she hadn’t recognized his mother from all the news articles and TV stories. Panicked laughter caught in her throat at the thought of trying to convince him that it had been nothing more than an overly dressed saleswoman.

“Hello Mia,” Lilah said, and then, her gaze sliding over Mia’s shoulder, “Gabriel.”

There was a beat of unbearable silence.

“Senator Miller,” Mia said through stiff lips. Her hands were cold and her head was buzzing as she tried to ignore how absolutely rigid and still Gabriel was as he stood behind her. “What a surprise.”

“Is it?” Lilah asked. “I sent letters.”

“I didn’t open them,” Gabriel said, his voice this dark and dangerous. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“No? Perhaps you might be willing to just listen,” Lilah said, and Mia was too stunned to stop her as she brushed both of them aside and stepped into the living room, followed closely by two imposing bodyguards that must have been standing just out of sight outside.

“Please,” Mia said dryly, “come in.”

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