Page 56 of Deliver Me

“I was numb,” he whispered. “I couldn’t understand it and some days I still don’t. It doesn’t feel real, even though I can picture it in my head. It feels like a dream that I can’t escape from.”

“Do you regret what you did?”

“I would give anything to go back and change what happened,” he said, looking at the ground again. “I didn’t just kill my father …what I did devastated my mother. I destroyed my family, and they didn’t deserve it. They weren’t perfect, but they didn’t deserve that,” he repeated.

“If you were given a second chance to be free in society, what would you do with it?”

He looked up, past Amy and the empty table to where Mia was seated on the bench between Brittany and her father. His eyes were still wet, but they were hot with purpose.

“I would spend the rest of my life proving that I’m sorry,” he said fiercely. “I would atone, make amends to everyone I hurt and use every breath I took to make up for the ones I stole from my father.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.” Amy returned to her seat after giving him a reassuring nod but they both looked nervous as the prosecution’s questioning began.

Mia tried to focus on the questions, but her hands were shaking and the sound of Mr. Price’s voice retreated until it was lost in the buzzing inside her head. Gabriel had done so well answering Amy’s questions, but if he fell apart under Mr. Price’s much more aggressive scrutiny, it could hurt his chances of ever being released.

It wasn’t until the cross examination was over and Gabriel left the stand looking shaken but relieved, that Mia was able to get her emotions under control. Gabriel glanced at her as he returned to his seat, and she was able to force a tight smile that she hoped disguised how close she was to tears.

Nothing remained for them after that but the closing arguments. Mr. Price and then Amy took the floor to give their speeches, a last push that they hoped would sway the twelve people that held Gabriel’s future in their hands, and then the prosecution getting the opportunity to offer a final rebuttal after Amy had finished.

“He deserves to be in prison for the rest of his life,” Price said, turning back to address the jury directly, “and the state of Texas asks that you continue to protect the public by sending him there. Give him the conviction that he has earned with his despicable actions.”

Judge Turner waited for him to return to his seat before speaking. “The jury has heard a great deal of information over the past few days, and they have a lot to consider as they determine a verdict. You’ll all be called back when they’ve reached a decision.” She tapped the gavel, and the jury left the room without looking back, giving no indication of which way their thoughts were leaning.

The guards removed Gabriel from the room as quickly as before, but this time he looked over his shoulder as he went, his eyes meeting Mia’s as he shuffled out the door and out of sight. His lips were turned up in a hopeful smile, but his eyes reflected the same fear and sadness that she felt inside.

“Well,” Amy said, turning to face them all as she gathered up her papers and slipped them into her briefcase, “there’s nothing left to do but wait.”

“How long?” Mia asked quickly. “How long will it be until they decide?”

“It could be days,” Amy said, holding up a hand to silence them all before they could protest, “but I doubt that it will be. We’ll get some lunch and then come back to wait. The verdict can be very emotional, best not to do it on an empty stomach.”

“Right,” Mia muttered, getting to her feet and following Amy out of the courtroom. After several days of being here, they had settled into a routine. The others left to grab lunch as Mia and her father picked at the meager offerings they’d purchased from the vending machine and waited for the others to come back.

Half an hour passed, and then an hour as everyone else filed back in slowly. They didn’t speak as they settled into the other benches in the hallway and slid into their own quiet waiting. They stared at the floor, picked lint off their sleeves, flicked aimlessly through the apps on their phones. Each cough or sniffle carried down the long quiet hallways, echoing off the wood paneling and down into the high-ceilinged foyer below.

They weren’t the only ones waiting, but Mia felt them with her like all of them existed in the same small bubble that drifted along outside of time and space. It consisted of nothing but them, the cheap carpet with its oddly creeping shadows, and waiting.

“They might not make a decision today,” Amy reminded them, not for the first time but, Mia realized as she glanced at the time on her phone and saw it was after four, probably for the last time.

She was steeling herself for that, for having to come back here again tomorrow for more waiting after pacing the floor for all night, when Amy’s phone dinged in her hand. She peered down at it, brow furrowed, then looked directly at Mia.

“It’s time,” she said gently. “They’ve made a decision.”

Mia nodded, words failing her as her legs turned to liquid and harsh buzzing filled her ears, drowning out everyone’s words as they led her blindly into the courtroom. She couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anything except a rising urge to vomit that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to breathe her way through. Would the judge hold her in contempt if she threw up all over the carpet?

She swallowed, bile and terror coloring the flavor of her tongue, her mouth as dry as her fingers and toes were numb. Her father had to hold her arm to steady her when Judge Turner re-entered the courtroom—she couldn’t hold her body upright on her own.

There was no air in the room when she asked Gabriel to stand to receive his verdict.

Mia didn’t even remember them leading him back in. When had he gotten here? How long had she been oblivious to the world around her as she counted her breaths—one, two, three, four—to keep from screaming?

“This was a very serious crime,” the judge began, her gaze traveling from Gabriel to the lawyers at each table. “The magnitude of which was reflected in the charges the defendant faced. Has the jury reached a verdict?”

A white-haired woman in the jury box got to her feet. “We have, Your Honor.”

“And how do you find the defendant?”

“On the charge of capital murder, we find the defendant not guilty.”

---