Page 55 of Deliver Me

His progress was slow and awkward, movements artificially shortened by the chains around his ankles. They clinked together with each step, a cheerless jingle that reminded them all of the years of freedom he’d lost as a consequence of that night between him and his father. He settled in at the stand, putting his bound hands in his lap after swearing unenthusiastically on the Bible they offered him, and he looked younger than he was as he waited for Amy to begin questioning him, like the ordeal of sitting through the trial had reduced him once again to the boy he had been the first time he’d sat in a courtroom. The course of his life had already been decided for him once and fear curved his shoulders in and kept his eyes glued to the floor until Amy softly spoke his name.

“Gabriel, why did your parents first send you away?”

He blinked at her for a moment, considering her question. “Too much money and not enough supervision, so I guess I didwhat rich brats do. I got drunk and smoked weed and chased after girls.”

“Is that all?”

“I had a temper,” he admitted. “By the time they figured out what was happening and tried to rein me in, I wasn’t too happy about it.” He looked back at the floor, exhaling on a deep breath that made him shudder and his lower lip tremble.

“Can you confirm the truth of what we’ve heard from the witnesses on the stand today?” she said, waiting for him to look up and meet her eyes. “About what happened after your parents sent you to live with your uncle?”

He nodded, clearing his throat. “Yes, I can.”

“The things that they said, that’s the way it happened to the best of your recollection?”

“Yes, ma’am, it is,” he confirmed.

“How would you describe your mental state the night that Hugh Myers confronted you?”

“Unstable,” he said clearly. “I wanted to go home but I didn’t believe that was possible.”

“Why is that?”

“I couldn’t go back to Richard’s after what he’d done, and I didn’t think they’d let me go home because I was even worse than I was when they’d sent me away. I drank more, did harder drugs, got paid for the sex and the violence.”

“Why didn’t you just lie about that?” Amy pressed harder but her tone remained soft. “So they’d let you come home?”

“Seth was going to tell them everything I’d done,” he said miserably. “Everyone I’d hurt, everyone he’d whored me out to, all of it.”

“In your mind, if you went with your father that night—”

“I would have absolutely been sent back to Richard.”

“You couldn’t tell them about what happened with Richard?”

He laughed, but it was a cynical sound. “My word against Richard Miller? He was a legend, the pinnacle of holiness, and I was a teenager with anger problems and a history of lying.”

“You’d been dishonest with them in the past?”

“Ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?” he asked, teeth flashing in a self-deprecating smile. “No one cares that you’re being eaten if they don’t believe it’s happening.”

“If you couldn’t go home, why didn’t you just leave? Walk away?”

“I tried,” he said, pressing his hands to his face and leaving red blotches on his skin from the pressure. “He’d promised my mother that he’d bring me home and he wasn’t listening when I told him I couldn’t do that.”

“And you decided to kill him?”

“I didn’t decide,” Gabriel said, looking at her pleadingly, begging her with his eyes to believe him. “I was talking to him, and he grabbed me. He was trying to pull me to the car … I don’t remember what happened. He was lying there and there was blood everywhere. On him, on me, on the ground.”

“What did you do after you realized that you’d stabbed him? Why didn’t you call for help?”

“I …” He shifted restlessly, tears sliding unnoticed down his face. “I don’t know,” he admitted weakly. “There was so much blood, and his eyes were open and staring at me. I screamed and screamed but no one came, not for a long time, not till the police showed up and arrested me.”

“How did you feel when you realized that your father was dead?”

His lips parted but no sound came out as he stared at her, swallowing reflexively over and over again as he tried to gain control of his voice.

“Gabriel?”

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