Page 27 of Deliver Me

“You don’t have to say anything …”

“Does your dad know about this?”

“No,” Mia shook her head. “He doesn’t need to.”

“I guess,” Lilly said doubtfully. “What do you even see in him? He’s a murderer, Mia.”

“He’s given me support, encouragement, and unconditional friendship. All of that has helped me become more confident and through him, it’s become truly clear to me that God has called me in a different way than we all expected.”

“You still think God called you to Gabriel?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Lilly sighed, clearly defeated. “He can’t give you a family,” she said, hitting the concern that lay closest to Mia’s heart. “You always wanted a family.”

“I still want one,” Mia said slowly. There was no point in mentioning that they were trying to get him out. Not yet. Lilly’s concerns might very well still turn out to be the reality of her future and it was one she was deeply afraid of. She had nothing but her faith to lean on. “I’m just going to trust that God has led me this far and He’ll lead me the rest of the way.”

Chapter Twelve

Alex didn’t comment on his increased masturbation habits, which Gabriel was extremely grateful for. They each tried to give the other what little privacy they could, but there wasn’t much to be had and it mostly all came down to them pretending not to be aware of the other’s activities. There were some things that they just didn’t acknowledge and that included one another’s bathroom habits and how often they each felt the urge to take their sexual needs into their own hands. It was as much a reality of prison life as the terrible food and the inescapable smells.

For the three years that they had been trapped in this hell together, Alex had usually been the one with the more intense needs, but that had all changed once Mia realized how interested he was in her.

She hadn’t sent nudes, and he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t be willing to have something like that confiscated. The photos that she had sent him with the last letter, however, were … suggestive. Her dress was cut a little lower, a hint of the top curve of her breast peeking out from beneath the pretty pink lace. She was still smiling, but her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes were soft and welcoming.

He knew that look, the one that invited a man in, and he wanted to pin her beneath him and feel her heat wrapped around him as throaty little moans poured from her lips. His hand was a poor substitute for her body, and he grit his teeth against the futility of the fantasy that drove him as he pumped himself into his fist with the image of her in his mind. She wanted him, she’d told him so, and if he could ever have gotten the hell out of here, he could have touched her and done all the things to her that he thought of doing when he was alone with nothing but his own rough stroking. He could have tasted her, felt her curves under his hands and her legs around his waist, whispered in her ear to tell her how beautiful she was, and everything she made him feel.

He tightened his grip, his mind running over with possibilities and his heart beating a fast rhythm that perfectly matched the punishing pace he set as his hand slid up his length and back down again. He tried to be quiet, but when he was this close it was hard to keep his breathing even and avoid making the sounds that were trapped behind his lips. Sounds he had to keep quiet now, but that he wanted to give to her. She would have known, then, how special she was, how much he wanted her, how much he loved her.

Maybe she would have even said it back.

That was the thought that drove him over the edge, that had his muscles tightening and ecstasy shooting across his mind like the streaks of light behind his eyes.

He laid on his bunk after he had cleaned the mess he’d made and wondered if she ever thought about him like this. It was hard for him to ask her, when their calls were monitored, and all of their letters were read. He didn’t want to embarrass her, knew that women that were raised as conservatively as she was were often hesitant to talk openly about sex. She might not even know that she could bring pleasure to her own body.

If she didn’t, he wished he could be the one to teach her.

He’d filed his paperwork with the court in mid-November, pointing out that his lawyers had not done a proper job of addressing his claims of abuse and the mountain of knowledge available in the scientific community about the ways that those things affect the brain and people’s behavior. It all amounted to a claim that he had not been properly represented, that his council had been ineffective.

If the court agreed, he would either be released entirely or get a new trial. Either way it would be a second chance. All they had to do now was wait.

“Merry Christmas!”

“Kennedy!” Mia hugged her and pulled her over to an empty seat. “I’m so glad you’re here! You haven’t come in a while, and I was getting worried.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts.” She picked at the snowflake shaped sprinkle on the edge of her cupcake “Things haven’t been so great at home.”

“Your parents again?”

“Always,” she said, tipping her head back and closing her eyes with a deep sigh like she was offering her troubles up to an indifferent God. “I wish I could move out but every time I think I’ve got things ready they find a way to ruin it somehow.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Not really, I’ve missed all of you and I’m just glad to get out of the house and finally have a little distraction.”

Mia looked at the meeting room with its festive garland and the little tree trimmed in lights and decorations the kids had made in Sunday school. “Well, our Christmas party issomething, but other than that we don’t have much distraction to offer.”

“Oh? I talked to Lilly before you got here, and she said you might have something to talk about?” She leaned forward, cupcake in her hand forgotten as she waited for the latest gossip.

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