Page 1 of The Breakup Broker

CHAPTER ONE

Savvy

The trick to breaking hearts professionally is to convince yourself you never had one to begin with. And on most days, that was almost true.

This morning, for example, I tapped the fishbowl on my dresser with all the enthusiasm of a DMV employee. “Breakup number three hundred and forty-two, Commitment. Wish me luck.” My beta fish flared his fins, either oblivious to the irony of his name or fully in on the joke. His glassy stare offered more warmth than my first coffee of the day.

But today, there was a spark of something—something I wasn’t supposed to feel. Guilt? Regret? I shoved it down the way I always did. People didn’t hire me for my emotions. They hired me to finish what they couldn’t.

The business had grown entirely through whispered referrals in Manhattan’s elite circles—private clubs, charity galas, and corporate boardrooms. My clients found me through an intricate network of satisfied customers and theirtherapists, each passing along my private business number—unlisted, unadvertised, and shared only through whispers of trust. No website, no social media, no paper trail. Just the promise of a clean break delivered with professional precision.

The scent of coffee drifted up from River Bend Books as my mom started the day below. Light pooled across the train schedule taped to my mirror—a sharp, daily reminder: seventy-five minutes to New York, which meant just over an hour to heartbreak duty.

Commitment swam lazy loops in his bowl. Some days, I envied how simple it must be to live in a world that small. I’d tried explaining to my mother that I hadn’t named him as some deep metaphor about my love life, or aversion to one—but the pet store frowned on me naming him Sushi.

Still, whenever love or relationships came up, she’d given me that same sad look since I’d turned down my dream job at Windsor Weddings to become what she called a “professional relationship undertaker.”

My mom had been married to my dad for thirty-two years—the only thing she’d ever known was true love. To her, my career choice was like swapping a fairy-tale ending for a eulogy.

I tried not to think about what that said about me.

My phone buzzed. Today’s client number and the bare minimum details.

Client #342

Navy suit, grande dark roast. Meet at Rise and Grind Coffee at 9 a.m.

Simple enough. But simple didn’t mean easy. One wrong word and a breakup could spiral out of control—into legal battles, public meltdowns, or, worst of all, bad press.The breakup broker business didn’t have Yelp reviews, but my reputation relied on word of mouth. A single mistake could put me out of work faster than you could say “amicable split.”

The floorboards creaked their morning greeting as I crossed to my closet. My collection of breakup outfits hung in neat rows, organized by the type of heartbreak they delivered. Power suits for corporate types, business casual for startup bros, and one very specific blazer I saved for trust fund babies who thought their father’s money made them unbreakable.

“Going with the navy today,” I told Commitment, who showed his approval by continuing to swim in circles. “Nothing says ‘your girlfriend hired me to dump you’ like a sensible blazer and practical pumps.”

The bell downstairs chimed as the first customer entered the bookstore. My mom’s voice, warm as fresh coffee, greeted Mrs. Patterson, who always showed up before the official open time, undoubtedly wanting to know if her latest book order had arrived. The morning ritual of River Bend was as predictable as my own—unlike the city, where chaos was just a coffee order away from erupting.

My phone lit up with the group chat.

Ivy

EMERGENCY. The bride just fired her actual best friend. I need a backstory for being a camp counselor FIVE years ago. Help.

Maddy

Again? Last week, you were a college roommate. How many lives are you living?

Ivy

Seven. No, eight. I lost count after the twins’ wedding, where I had to be two different bridesmaids.

Me

At least you’re creating happy endings. My calendar says “soul crushing” at nine.

Maddy

We covered the whole love cycle, didn’t we? I plan the perfect proposal, and Ivy gets them down the aisle. Then Savvy...

Ivy

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