Page 64 of The Breakup Broker

“Okay, something’s wrong with that formation,” Savvy said as we reached the overlook.

The drones, meant to create an elegant champagne bottle, drifted in the strengthening wind.

“That’s, uh...” Mason’s voice carried a mix of horror and amusement. “That’s not a bottle anymore.”

“Oh god.” I watched as the wind pushed the formation into an unmistakably phallic shape hovering over the Hudson. “That’s definitely not a bottle,” I said.

Victoria cleared her throat delicately. “Well, I suppose this gives new meaning to a proposal going cockeyed.”

“Henry Kingston,” Savvy turned to me, laughter bubbling up, “did you try to propose to me with what appears to be a giant?—”

“Penis,” Maddy wailed from behind us. “It’s a giant penis over the Hudson.” She frantically waved at the operators. “Can’t you adjust the?—”

“If we move them now, in this wind—” The operator’s warning was cut off by another gust that sent the drones spinning, making the formation even more anatomically correct.

“Someone posted this on River Bend’s Facebook page,” Mason announced, holding up his phone. “It’s got twenty likes.”

“The second formation!” Maddy screamed as the ‘cork’ section of drones activated. “Stop the second?—”

It was too late. The programmed spray of celebratory lights burst from the top of the now decidedly phallic formation, creating an unmistakable display over the Hudson.

“Well,” Savvy managed between fits of laughter, “that’s certainly one way to make your proposal memorable.”

“Did your drone display just...” Victoria paused delicately, “...climax over the river?”

“One hundred likes on Facebook,” Mason updated, nottrying to hide his grin. “Someone commented, ‘Most exciting proposal in River Bend history.’”

I dropped to one knee, figuring I might as well commit fully to this disaster. “Savvy Honeysucker, this is absolutely not how I planned to do this?—”

“You mean you didn’t plan to propose with an ejaculating drone penis over the Hudson?” Her eyes sparkled with mirth. “Because honestly, this is perfect.”

I looked up at Savvy. The rain was falling, and a spectacular aerial malfunction was still going on above us, but I somehow found the perfect words.

“I had this whole elaborate plan. Romantic lights and a champagne bottle are exquisite. Instead, I’ve given River Bend its most memorable Facebook moment ever. But you know what? This feels right. Because loving you has been about finding the perfect in all our imperfect moments.”

Behind us, I heard Maddy shriek as the final drone formation—meant to spell out ‘Marry Me’ in elegant lights—began spinning wildly. The lights flickered and jumped, creating a messy pattern.

“Oh, dear god,” Mason muttered. “They’re losing altitude.”

The drones dropped one by one, some spinning toward the Hudson, others drifting in the strong wind. The message broke apart into a chaotic mess.

“I love you,” I continued, ignoring the growing crowd of onlookers with their phones out. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Savvy said, laughing. “Yes, to the worst but best proposal ever.”

As I slipped the ring on her finger, the drone formation lost its battle with the wind, scattering across the sky in what looked disturbinglylike a grand finale.

“And THAT,” Victoria announced dryly, “is what I call going out with a bang.”

“Five hundred likes,” Mason called out, shielding his phone from the rain. “And three local news stations want permission to run the footage.”

The rain started pelting harder as I met her eyes, her face lit with excitement despite the storm soaking both of us. “Yes?” I asked, barely able to hear myself over the wind.

“Yes!” she shouted, laughing as she threw her arms around me. Her voice carried above the storm, her joy undeniable even as we were drenched.

“News vans,” Maddy groaned, pointing toward the parking lot as we ran for cover. We dashed into Common Grounds, dripping water everywhere, just as reporters started spilling out of their vehicles with cameras raised.

“Five minutes,” Maddy moaned, collapsing into a chair and letting her head thud onto the table. “Five minutes before this goes viral. My professional reputation...”

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