Page 14 of One Hundred Humbugs

Ruby let out a laugh, surprising herself with how genuine it was. “Well, Becket, I’m currently watching a goat treat my overgrown lawn like an all-you-can-eat buffet. I think I left ‘normal’ behind a long time ago.” She gestured towards the porch. “Come on, I might even have some lemonade that hasn’t expired yet. We can watch your crew work, and you can tell me all about your journey from landscaper to goat whisperer.”

As they walked toward the porch, a sense of lightness settled over Ruby, one she hadn’t experienced in months. Sure, her problems were far from solved. The bank wasn’t going to stop calling just because she had a handsome man and his herd of goats in her yard. But for the first time in a long while, she thought that she could face those problems head-on.

And who knew? If Becket’s crazy idea worked, she might just have to rethink her stance on unconventional solutions. After all, in a world where goats could be landscapers, anything was possible.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Becket awoke to goats bleating and the first light of dawn filtering through the worn canvas of his tent. He blinked away the remnants of sleep, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings. Then it all came rushing back—Ruby’s overgrown yard, his landscaping offer, and the makeshift camp he’d set up for himself and his goats. He glanced toward the nearby trees, where he and the goats were probably the only ones keeping the woods hydrated.

With a groan, he unzipped the tent flap and stepped out into the cool morning air of Ruby’s backyard. The goats were already up, bleating impatiently, eager to resume their feast from yesterday. The yard, which had seemed like an insurmountable jungle when they’d first arrived, was starting to show signs of progress. Patches of neatly trimmed grass peeked out amidst the remaining overgrowth, like islands of order in a sea of chaos.

“Morning, gang,” Becket said, giving Daisy an affectionate pat as he made his way to the makeshift pen. “Ready for another day of five-star dining?”

As if in response, Houdini let out an enthusiastic bleat.Of all his goats, Houdini seemed to be enjoying this landscaping gig the most. The goat had a glint in his eye that seemed to say, “All this food, and we’re not even in trouble for eating it? Best job ever!”

The back door of Ruby’s house creaked open, drawing Becket’s attention. He turned to see Ruby step out onto the porch, and his breath caught in his throat. Even with her hair pulled back in a messy bun and wearing what looked like old paint-splattered overalls, she was a sight for sore eyes. She balanced two steaming mugs in her hands, navigating the porch steps with careful determination.

“Morning, Goat Whisperer,” she called out, her voice still a bit groggy but tinged with amusement. “Did you sleep okay? I thought you might need this.” She held out one of the mugs. “It’s strong enough to wake the dead, or at least strong enough to deal with a herd of hungry goats.”

Becket’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Coffee? You’re an angel,” he said, reaching for the mug with both hands as if it were the Holy Grail. He took a long sip and let out a contented sigh that was almost comical in its exaggeration. “Oh, sweet caffeine, how I’ve missed you.”

Ruby watched his theatrics with amusement. “Wow, if I’d known coffee would get that kind of reaction, I’d have led with it yesterday. Should I leave you two alone?”

Becket grinned over the rim of his mug. “Hey, don’t judge. When you’re living the glamorous life of a goat landscaper, good coffee is harder to come by than you’d think. Last week, I was so desperate I tried to convince myself that chewing on coffee grounds was just as good.”

“And how did that work out for you?” Ruby asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Let’s just say the goats were not impressed with my breath,” Becket replied with a wink. “This, though? This isheaven. You may have just saved lives with this coffee, Ruby. The goats thank you.”

As if on cue, one of the goats let out a loud bleat.

“See?” Becket said, gesturing towards the goat with his mug. “Daisy agrees.”

Ruby laughed, shaking her head. “Well, I’m glad I could contribute to the cause. Just don’t let it go to your head, Goat Whisperer. I expect those landscapers of yours to work extra hard today, caffeinated or not.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Becket said, taking another long sip of coffee. “With this fuel, we’ll have your yard looking like a golf course by sundown.”

As they stood there, sipping their coffee and watching the goats begin their day’s work, a sense of contentment washed over Becket. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long time, not since losing his farm. He snuck a glance at Ruby, wondering if she felt it too—this strange sense of rightness, as though the universe had clicked into place.

“So,” Ruby said, breaking the comfortable silence, “what’s on the agenda for today? More strategic goat placement? Or are we moving on to advanced techniques like synchronized grazing?”

Becket appreciated her newfound enthusiasm for his methods. “Well, I was thinking we’d start with a rousing game of ‘Pin the Goat on the Weed,’ followed by an intense session of ‘Extreme Munching.’ You know, push the boundaries of landscaping innovation.”

Ruby snorted into her coffee. “Oh, of course. How silly of me to think it would be anything less than revolutionary.”

As the morning wore on, Becket guided his goats through the yard, focusing on the areas they’d missed the day before. The sun climbed higher in the sky, beating down relentlessly and turning the air thick and humid.Becket wiped the sweat from his brow, grateful for the caffeine boost that was keeping him going.

Ruby alternated between watching from the porch and disappearing into the house to tackle her own mountain of indoor tasks. Each time she emerged, Becket straightened up a little, attempting to look more professional than he was. It was silly. He was covered in sweat and bits of grass, surrounded by stinky goats. Professional wasn’t in the cards.

“How’s it going, Goat Whisperer?” Ruby called out during one of her check-ins, a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth.

Becket grinned, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Oh, you know, just living the dream. Nothing like spending a beautiful day watching grass ... disappear.”

Just as he was about to elaborate on the joys of goats, a loud crash from behind made them both jump. Becket whirled around to see Daisy looking sheepishly at the remains of what appeared to be an old garden statue.

“Oh no,” Ruby groaned, her hand flying to her mouth.

Becket’s heart sank. This was it. The moment when Ruby would realize that letting a herd of goats loose in her yard might not have been the best idea. He rushed over to assess the damage, apologies already forming on his lips.

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