Page 35 of Yours to Conquer

“I feel anxious.” I tear the tissue in my hand to shreds.

“You always seem to feel anxious. My notes indicate you suffer from severe anxiety at times. I can prescribe somethingfor that, or we can take a different approach. I want to address the glass breaking. Sometimes it’s best to immerse yourself with the thing that scares you the most.” She reaches into her Rolodex sitting on the table next to her and pulls out a card. “This may seem silly, but a lot of my patients have visited this place and found it to be very therapeutic.”

I look at the card she hands me, and it says,

The Smash Shack

• Throw your frustrations out the window

• Break the cycle of anger

• Crush anxiety forever

On the back is an address. I lift my eyes to hers and smile.

“Yes, it’s unconventional, but I think it will do two things for you. First, it’s going to help with any anger you feel. You can write names on plates, cups, whatever, and then throw them at the wall or the window. It’s symbolic of letting go. It’s time for you to let go, Emma. Second, you’re still reverting to glass breaking; it’s the one thing that terrifies you and stalls your recovery. Force yourself to see it can be a positive thing. It’s a way for you to break the hold that your past has on you.”

I consider her suggestion for a few minutes. I mentally write names on white plates. Mr. Wakefield, the stupid redheaded girl in Dallas, my dad (Daniel Lloyd), the grandparents I never met, the drunk driver, and Blake Havers.

“I think it’s a great idea. I have a complete list in my head already.”

She smiles a big, toothy grin. “Emma, let me know how things are going. Shoot me an email or make a follow-up appointment. I honestly think you’re doing okay. You recognize behaviors you don’t want to repeat, and that’s healthy. You’re protective of your boyfriend, which means he’s important to you. These are all positive things.”

“I feel better now that I talked to you. Do you think I should askAnthony about the girl? I think the reporter was trying to get a rise out of me, and he succeeded.”

“I can’t tell you what you should do, but I believe everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. You keep mentioning a reporter. Who is this? And why are you talking to reporters? That sounds stressful all by itself.”

“My boyfriend is Anthony Haywood. I work at Ahz as the PR representative. You may have seen something in the paper about an underage drunk girl and an accident downtown. I was addressing that.”

“Wow, that’s fabulous. Not the allegations, but the job and Mr. Haywood. He’s a very handsome man. He’s older than you, right?”

Why are older women so focused on the age difference? “Yes, he is ten years older than me, and he is quite handsome.” I feel warm and fuzzy thinking about him.

Dr. Lydell rises from her chair, showing that our session has finished. We walk to the door together. She invites her next client in, and I pay my bill before heading home.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

At the bungalow, I hurriedly enter the house to find Roxy in the kitchen, cooking something that smells great.

“Hey, what are you making? That smells amazing.” I walk into the kitchen and find her making something with cheese, meat, and green chili.

“It’s just a quesadilla. I like them meaty and spicy, like my men. Do you want one?”

“Yes, but not spicy. I have a problem with spicy.” I grab my stomach and make a retching sound.

“Enough said—just meat and cheese for you.” She tosses some ingredients into the pan. A few minutes later, we are sitting at the table, inhaling our food.

“How is the move-in going?”

“Just about finished. I just had clothes to bring over. One more trip, and I’ll be done. What were you up to today?”

“I had to meet a reporter at Ahz, and then I had an appointment this afternoon.” The mention of an appointment makes me think of the next one I have to make. Holy shit, I forgot about the possibility that I might be pregnant. How did I let that slip my mind? I thinkI’m just trying to pretend it’s not happening. How long can I live in denial?

“That’s right, you work at Ahz. Doesn’t Damon Noble own Ahz?”

“It’s a co-branding between Anthony Haywood and Zenith. They combined the letters A-H-Z and came up with Ahz.” I still think it’s so smart. It was so cool when I told the reporter welcome to Ahz today.

“Anthony Haywood?” Her eyes light up. Most people know who he is. “Do you know him well?”

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