Page 28 of Yours to Conquer

Everything was going well. Granted, I was sick this morning, but he was so sweet. What person cares for you so well, then turns on you like a rabid dog? Who would’ve thought we’d be where we are now, given how fabulous we came together in the shower this morning? It was beautiful, and I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.

I sit in a daze—thoughtless and zoned for hours. When I finally pull myself back to reality, it’s past midnight. I drag my tired, depressed self to my room. I quickly put fresh sheets on the bed and climb under my down-filled duvet, trying to find comfort in something.

I toss and turn for hours. The last few months of Anthony’s and my relationship play over and over in my head. I don’t know where his aggressive behavior came from. He has been more possessive lately; however, I’ve never seen him respond with violence.

Blake Havers was a complete idiot today. We’ve only had a platonic relationship. I went to a restaurant opening with him once, and I attended the last food and wine festival with him, but that was six months ago.

I toss my body around, trying to find a comfortable position to be in. I’m used to sleeping with Anthony’s body next to mine, his arms cradled around me. My head fit perfectly under his chin. His hips tucked up closeto my bottom.

Rolling to my side, I stare at the only picture I have of my mom. We are leaning against a tree in the park. I’m eleven in the photo. I had a disposable camera that had one shot left, and I asked a stranger to take the picture. I stood behind her because I was taller and wrapped my arms around her neck, with my chin rested on her shoulder.

My dad had been gone for weeks, and things were happy and carefree. It was a warm summer’s day. We went for an ice cream cone before we went to the park to swing. My mom loved to swing. We would sit side by side and see who could go higher. I loved jumping from the swing as I propelled it forward. My mom would never jump; she said she was afraid of breaking something. In hindsight, that strikes me as funny. She avoided something that had little risk of hurting her, yet she stayed in the place that would eventually kill her.

I drift off to sleep with the thoughts of sunshine, ice cream, and my mom’s smile on my mind.

I wakeup to the sound of the doorbell. I look at the bedside clock and see the time is 8:30. The doorbell continues to ring, and I’m disoriented from lack of sleep. I slip on my fuzzy pink slippers and slowly make my way to the door. I unchain it and unlock both deadbolts before I throw it open. Whoever is behind this door better back off because I’m in no mood to deal with people today.

“What?” I yell. I find Anthony standing in front of me. He has two cups of coffee and is several feet back from the door. His posture is nonthreatening, and I imagine he stepped back from the door as soon as he heard the locks being thrown.

“Emma, please don’t close the door. I’ll stand here, so you’re not afraid.”

I look behind him at the taxi idling by the curb. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you. It took everything in me not to come over last night.”

“Shouldn’t you be at the airport? You really shouldn’t be here.”

“My flight is leaving in a few hours. Please don’t push me away. I came to apologize.”

“Okay, have a pleasant flight.” I close the door but hear his plea through the door. He sounds like a wounded animal.

“Please, baby, I love you. My heart is in your hands. You can crush it or make it soar,” he pleads.

“I can’t do this right now. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I have to meet Kat in a little while. Thanks for coming by, Anthony, but I don’t have room in my life for this.”

“Please, Emma, I’m begging you. Sit on the porch and drink coffee with me. I brought your favorite. I’m not asking for you to let me in. I’m begging for a few minutes of your time. I’m leaving for four days, and I don’t want to leave things like they are.” I open the door, and he looks at me with soft, pleading eyes. I waiver long enough for him to approach me. He sets the coffee down and pulls my stiffened body into his arms. His lips are on my hair and I relax slightly before I push him away.

He steps back and looks at me with sadness. I sit on the top step and wait for him to sit next to me.

“Say what you need to, and then you should go to the airport.” My eyes are blurry as I fight the tears that threaten to spill. I swipe at the lone tear that escapes. Before I can reach it, Anthony’s thumb softly brushes it away.

“I’m sorry. I know I scared the hell out of you yesterday. I scared myself, too. I’ve never reacted like that. My only excuse is that I’m so in love with you I can’t think clearly.” He leans his head to each side of his shoulder as if trying to crack his neck. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at myself for blurting out something I knew I shouldn’thave. I know you, and you’re a loyal, honest woman. When I saw Blake touch you, I saw red. He spewed his ugly words, and I couldn’t stand for him to say those things about the woman I love.”

“Are you referring to the same things you said when we got home? You’re just as bad as he is—worse because you had all the power to hurt me, and you used it.” I reach down and pick at the pink fur on my slippers.

“I know, and I’ll never forgive myself. I’ll give myself no excuse. I’m a thirty-four-year-old child. I got jealous, and I misbehaved. Please don’t throw away what we have because I was an idiot.”

“What did you break?” I watch him cringe as I ask the question.

“I threw a glass, but it wasn’t at you. I was mad at myself. As soon as the words came out, and I couldn’t take them back, I was furious with myself. I threw it in the sink, and it shattered. I can only imagine where that took you. I’m so sorry. You know I’d never hurt you.” He reaches for my hands, but I pull them away. His shoulders visibly sag.

“You hurt me, Anthony. You scarred my heart, which will take some time to heal. You damaged the trust we built together.”

“I understand that. I’ll do whatever it takes to build your trust in me. I told you already you’re the only one for me. I knew it the day I saw you, and I know it now. There will be no others.”

I look out at the waiting cab and giggle. “That’s going to be one hell of an expensive taxi ride.”

“I don’t care about the cost of the taxi. I care about you, and I don’t want to leave you.”

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