Page 70 of Just a Bit Guarded

“Give me my suitcase, p-please.” Gadiel’s lovely voice wavered and broke, and something inside Will broke too.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say goodbye like this, pretending as though they were nothing to each other but the client and his bodyguard.

“Is that really what you want?” Will said, his voice coming out as rough as the emotion that lodged itself into his throat.

Gadiel went still before his lips twisted into a weak approximation of a smile. “It never matters what I want,” he said, looking at some point to the left from Will’s ear. “Could you—could you do something for me?”

Anything, was his instinctive thought.

“Of course,” he said.

Gadiel finally met his gaze, his blue eyes looking lost. “Could you... could you tell me that you love me?” He blushed. “Obviously that would be a lie, but. I just. I’d just like to know what it feels like—” He cut himself off, his face red as he crossedhis arms over his chest defensively and looked down. “Forget it. Never mind. It was silly of me.”

Looking at his small, mortified form, Will nearly choked on the emotion that spread from his chest to his throat. It was fierce protectiveness, and it was love, a desire to shield this boy from the rest of the world.Itwas helpless, all-consuming, ravenous. It had dug its claws into hisheartlong before Will had even recognized it for what it was: love.

He loved him. He really fucking loved him.

Finally admitting it to himself felt oddly freeing. It was still terrifying, but mostly it was freeing, like a weight off his chest. Like unlocking a part of his soul and allowing it to step out into the light.

“I love you, Gadiel.”

Gadiel went still. It was like he stopped breathing altogether.

Slowly, he lifted his gaze, something heartbroken and yearning in it. He stared at Will for a long moment, as if trying to imprint his face into his memory, before swallowing and giving a tight nod. “Thank you.” He took the suitcase and turned to the gate.

His heart sinking, Will stepped forward and grabbed his shoulder. “I’m not lying, Gadiel. I really love you.”

Gadiel’s shoulders were stiff under his touch. “Please don’t,” he whispered. “Please, Will.”

Will turned him around and looked at his pale face, into his fragile, frightened eyes.

It broke his heart.“I love you,” he repeated, holding his gaze.

Gadiel blinked a few times. “You don’t. You—you can’t.” And yet, despite his words of denial, he looked at Will like a starved thing at the only source of sustenance. And there was hope in those eyes, a fragile, desperate hope—but fear too.

“I can,” Will said, cradling his lovely face with his hands and pressing their foreheads together. “I do. Or I’d never fuck you. I never fuck my clients. You were the exception for a reason. I love you, baby.”

Gadiel inhaled sharply, as if his words hurt him. “Please don’t,” he whispered hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. “Please.”

Will kissed the corner of his trembling mouth. “It’s true, love. I love you.” He kissed the other corner. “I’m in love with you. You’re all I think about.”

Tears fell from Gadiel’s closed eyes. He shook his head. “You can’t mean this. I can’t—If I actually believe it, I won’t survive it when you leave me.”

His throat thick with emotion, Will hugged him. “Look at me, love.”

Gadiel shook his head, a whine leaving his throat.

“Look at me,” Will repeated firmly.

Slowly, Gadiel blinked his eyes open, wet and impossibly blue.

“I know you’re scared,” Will said, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “Frankly, it scares the shit out of me too.” He gave a rueful smile. “You know me, I’m not exactly good with emotions. But I think of you as mine—I’ve thought of you as mine for sometime now—mine to protect, mine to keep happy. I was just in denial about it. But I’m done lying to myself. I love you. It’s real. It isn’t going to change. I love you.”

Gadiel’s throat moved a few times as he swallowed audibly. “But you never took my feelings seriously because of my age. You said I was too young to feel anything real.”

He had said that. Butdidhe really think that?Gadiel wasn’t fickle. He wasn’t someone who loved endless parties and fun. His emotions ran deep, his need for love, home, and stability uncharacteristic for someone his age.Will knew it, rationally. He’d spent nearly two months staring at this young man and obsessively learning what made him tick, what made him smile, what made him happy and upset. Willknewhim. So had it been just senseless fear, fear of getting too attached to someone who could fall out of love and move on? Christ, he wasn’t sure. He’d like to say that it wasn’t true, that he was more rational than that, but Scott might not have been entirely wrong when he said that Will tended to ghost his girlfriends if things started becoming serious. Maybe hehadbeenafraid of getting too attached—and getting his heart broken. Maybe Gadiel’s youth was just another excuse he’d used to protect his heart.

Either way, it hadn’t worked. He’d still fallen, and fallen so hard hecouldn’t imagine loving someone else in this way. It was a singular thing, toointense and crippling.It gnawed at him like a hungry beast locked in the cage of his chest, pacing and clawing at his heart. It wanted out. It wantedin. It wanted to get into Gadiel’s heart and own it.

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