Page 57 of Just a Bit Guarded

“You little idiot,” Will gritted out, shaking him roughly. “Is getting your dick wet more important to you than your life?”

Gadiel laughed. “My life is worth nothing.”

Will’s arms around him tightened. “Don’t say that,” he said quietly.

“But it’s true,” Gadiel whispered, an ache starting in his stomach and creeping into his throat. “I’m getting married next month. My life is over one way or another.”

The thought was nauseating. Nauseatingly real.

Ever since they’d moved here, he’d been so caught up in the domesticity—or perhaps he had been avoiding thinking about it—but it was March already. His wedding wasnext month. Next month he would be married to a girl he had barely exchanged two words with. And Will would be gone from his life.

It made him feel ill.

Will would begone. And he would be alone.All these weeks, he had been deluding himself, allowing himself to get used to the intoxicating intimacy and domesticity, allowing himself to be happy here, as if this life with Will was something he could have. It was just pretend.

An idiot. He was such an idiot. A stupid, foolishkid.

“Let me go,” he managed through the lump in throat.

“No,” Will said, more softly, but his tone was still final. He dropped a kiss on top of Gadiel’s head. “Go to your room, love. I’ll clean up here.”

Love.

Such a pretty lie.

And yet, it still fed the starved thing in him. It gobbled it up, placated for now. Placated, never sated.

Gadiel nodded mutely and, once Will loosened his grip, headed to his room.

He changed into his sluttiest outfit, applied eyeliner and mascara to make his eyes pop, and added a touch of color to his lips.

He stared at himself in the mirror, feeling numb.

Love.

He’d never looked better. He shouldn’t have any trouble finding someone to fuck him.

The thought didn’t make him feel even a flicker of arousal.All he could feel was grim resolve. And a misplaced sense of grief for something he’d never really had.

Turning away from the mirror, Gadiel put a small bottle of lube and a few condoms into his pocket. He exhaled shakily, trying to summon some excitement at the prospect of going out, flirting with men, and getting laid, but there was none. He didn’t really want to go out. He didn’t want anyone but Will to touch him. He wanted—

It didn’t matter what he wanted. It never mattered what he wanted.

Gadiel opened his door carefully.

His heart dropped when he saw the empty living room. Part of him had expected Will to be there. Had expected—hoped?—that Will would stop him.

But clearly Will didn’t know him as well as Gadiel thought.

Or he didn’t care that much.

Ignoring the stab of pain, Gadiel headed out.

Chapter 22

Will told himself he was just doing his job.

He was Gadiel’s bodyguard. It was his job to keep Gadiel safe, whether Gadiel wanted him or not. He really couldn’t lock Gadiel up and forbid him from living his life. But he could still be there for him.

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