Page 44 of Just a Bit Guarded

When Gadiel didn’t say anything, he looked up and found Gadiel watching his hands.

“I’m,” Gadiel said, his face slightly flushed. “I didn’t know you had a gun.”

“Of course I do. I’m a bodyguard.” Will walked to the security panel by the elevator and changed the settings, blocking access to the penthouse even if they had a key card. If Zain was compromised… “You shouldn’t have left without me.”

“I thought... I thought I should get used to it. You won’t stay forever. And it doesn’t matter now, does it... You couldn’t have protected me from my brother’s hypocrisy.”

When Will turned around, he found Gadiel chewing on his lip, the corners of his eyes tight and his fingers twitching restlessly. The defeated look on his face was unmistakable. He seemed so small, like he was holding himself up with sheer force of will.

Will took Gadiel’s hand and gently guided him toward the armchair. “Come on, sit down,” he said.

Gadiel sat down but didn’t let go of his hand. His slim, elegant fingers stroked Will’s anxiously. Will looked down at their hands, his stomach clenching at the sight of Gadiel’s smaller hand clutching his like a lifeline. He knew he shouldn’t allow this, not after what had happened last night.

But he couldn’t bring himself to deny him such a small comfort. The poor boy looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Will put his other hand under Gadiel’s chin and tipped his face up. “Are you okay?”

Gadiel gave him a crooked smile. “I’m fine. I just...”He blinked a few times and laughed a little. “All right, I’m not really fine. In the past twenty-four hours, I got dumped by Scott, got mugged and nearly kidnapped, walked in on my supposedly straightbrother in bed with another man. Oh, and I blew my straight bodyguard, and now I have no idea where we stand with each other. And I’m getting married in two months. And now there’s shooting, apparently?” He laughed, the sound wet and small. “I feel so... I don’t know. Like there’s so much going on, but I feel powerless and stupid, and I just want... I just...” He exhaled shakily, dropping his gaze to their joined hands.

“Gadiel—”

“Have you ever felt like your life has no purpose?” Gadiel whispered, barely audibly. “Like you’re a meaningless side character without any agency in someone else’s life, and no one will even notice or care if you die.”

Jesus.

Will stared at his bowed head. “I’d care,” he said roughly.

Gadiel chuckled, the sound sharp and humorless. “You wouldn’t even be here to care. You’ll forget all about me when you return home. Admit it, you’re going home soon.”

Will said nothing.

Gadiel gave a tight nod, taking his silence for the confirmation it was. He forced a tremulous smile that tugged at Will’s heartstrings like nothing had ever done.

“It’s okay,” Gadiel said softly, even though his blue eyes filled with tears.

Fuck, he couldn’t take it anymore—Will pulled him close.

Gadiel was stiff against him for a moment before a small whine left his throat and he buried his face against Will’s stomach. “I hate my life,” he whispered, his voice wavering. “I sometimes hate myself. There has to be something wrong with me—no one is so unloved for no reason, right?”

Will hugged him tighter, his heart clenching when he felt his shirt become wet with tears.

“Don’t say that, love,” he said roughly.

A whine left Gadiel’s lips, something base and needy. He pushed Will’s shirt up and pressed his face against Will’s bare stomach, as if trying to burrow into it. “Say it again.”

Will’s abdominal muscles contracted. “Gadiel,” he said in warning, willing his body not to react as the boy rubbed his nose and lips against his happy trail.

“I need,” Gadiel said dazedly, nipping and mouthing his skin. “Need you to say it again. Need you.” His kisses moved downward, toward his crotch. “It’s like there’s this black hole inside of me, starving always. Need you to fill it up—fill me up.”

And just like that, Will was hard.

Jesus fucking Christ. What was wrong with him? The boy was emotionally vulnerable right now. Last thing he needed was more ill-advised sex that would only fuck him up more.

Disgusted with himself, Will grabbed Gadiel’s hair, pulling him away from his crotch. “No,” he said, his tone not unkind butfirm. “What happened yesterday was a mistake. It can’t happen again, Gadiel.”

“But I need,” Gadiel mumbled, turning his face and nuzzling Will’s wrist, rubbing his cheek against it desperately. “Call me love again. Lie to me, I don’t care.”

God.

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