Page 91 of Love Without Control

Ouch.

“And I don’t mean anything to you,” Isaid tightly, doing my best not to grit my teeth. An ache formed somewhere deep inside me because, for the first time in my life, I had a woman I thought I could actually fall in love with. And she didn’t feel the same.

Eden looked surprised and lifted a hand to my beard, letting her fingers stroke through it. “No, it’s because youdomean something to me.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Even though I tried not to let that happen.”

That ache disappeared in a flash, replaced with another swell of relief. “Because you want to hate me,” I filled in.

She nodded, her eyes skittering to the tattoos of her fingernails on my chest. “I feel guilty. I feel like… like I need to be punished for caring for you.” Leaning forward, she kissed the ink before slowly lifting her baby blues to my face. “Would you punish me, Dane?”

Chapter 29

Wouldyoupunishme,Dane?

My tongue turned into a blob of gelatin at those words, and it was a long moment before I could speak. “You want me to… punish you? Like a spanking?”

She lowered her chin. “You don’t have to.”

With two fingers, I lifted her chin right the fuck back up. “You look me in the eyes, Eden. Never be ashamed to ask your husband for any goddamn thing you need because I’ll give it to you.” I kissed her on the nose. “Do you need a spanking to feel better about wanting me?”

Her lips barely quirked up at the corners, and I could feel the tension leave her body. “Yes, I want you to spank me and then fuck me.”

Seriously, I almost came like a thirteen-year-old with a bottle of lotion and a nudie mag. I somehow managed to hold onto my control and pulled Eden tightly against me, tucking her head beneath my chin.

“Good girl, baby,” I murmured, burying my face in her hair. “Tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, though my dick thought the delay was wholly unnecessary.

We both had a glass of white wine with our pasta dinner. An anticipatory tension congealed in my gut, and Eden’s fidgeting fingers told me she felt it too. I had hoped the wine would relax us both.

“We don’t have to do this,” I assured her, reaching out and tucking the lilac strand of hair behind one of her ears.

She looked surprised, her eyes widening. “You don’t want to?”

“Eden,” I said sternly, “I’m struggling not to pop a boner every time I think about painting your gorgeous little ass red. Of course I want to. I’ve been sitting here trying to picture the most unsexy thing I could think of to control things down south.”

Amused, she propped an elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm. “And what did you come up with?”

“Will Ferrell in hisElfcostume,” I replied flatly, earning me a laugh. Her posture relaxed, and she stopped fidgeting with the napkin on her lap.

“I want to. I read that spanking can relieve negative emotions, stress, and responsibility. I think I need to release whatever is holding me back from being normal.”

I quirked an eyebrow, my voice stern when I asked, “What is it Lilibet says about being normal?” Eden still talked to the psychiatrist once a week.

She sighed. “That normalcy is a spectrum, not a pinpoint.”

“Exactly. You’ve been through different shit than others, so your normal will look different from theirs.”

“The Dark Lord is always so wise,” she teased.

I rose and kissed the top of her head. “And don’t you forget it. I’ll do the dishes. You go take a shower. Wear the white lace panties and nothing else.”

Then I picked up our plates and left her sitting at the ash-gray wooden dining table.

After taking a quick shower in one of the other bathrooms, I walked into our bedroom with a white towel around my waist, my eyes roving over the bed to find that Eden wasn’t there yet. I smiled, hearing her moving around in the bathroom. She always took longer than me, mostly because I washed and got the fuck out while she pampered her skin with lotions and potions.

Not that I was complaining. Her skin was always like silk, and she smelled like a snack. I’d gotten her some honey-vanilla lotion from the same company that made her body wash, and I secretly used it on my face and beard so her scent was with me while I was at work.

My hand brushed over the white padded headboard, my fingers falling into the dimples made by the tiny white buttons that pressed in and formed a pretty pillowy surface. It was almost exactly the same as the one in Jamie and Robert’s house. I’d talked to Lilibet about the move, and when she suggested that it might be a good idea for Eden to have a familiar bed, Iordered it immediately.

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