Page 63 of Love Without Control

The tension in her shoulders relaxed a little as she focused on the open door behind me. The sounds of waves crashed from the ocean, and salty night air filled the room. “Yes please.”

“Do you need help?”

Her messy dark head shook from side to side. “No, I can walk.” Eden set the pillow aside but held onto the phone as she placed her feet on the floor and paused to get her bearings. Then she walked toward me on unsteady legs, and I stepped aside to let her exit first.

She gripped the back of one patio chair and closed her eyes, and I watched as her chest filled and then emptied a dozen times.

“Better?” I asked. “I can turn the porch lights on.”

“Much better.” Eden’s eyes turned up toward the round, glowing moon. “I don’t need more light. This is okay.” Turning off the flashlight app, she set her phone on the small table.

“Sit down, Eden. You need to rest.”

Her eyes flitted to mine and then back down to the tan stone floor. “Would it be okay if I sat… in your lap?”

Emotions of all kinds slammed into my chest, but the most prominent one was elation. I wanted so badly to do something to help her, and she was actually trusting me enough to ask for this.

“Of course.” I sank into the chair on the left.

Eden swallowed. “Can you please not…” she made a circle in front of her with her arms, miming a hug. “I don’t want… I can’t…” Her breathing picked up again, and I shook my head.

“I won’t hold you,” I assured her, understanding what she was trying so hard to say. She didn’t want to feel trapped. With a grateful half-smile, she lowered her butt to my thighs and draped her legs over one arm of the chair so she was sitting sideways on my lap.

Sitting as still as I could—and valiantly managing to keep my hands off her—I allowed Eden to use me as her own personal piece of furniture. When her soft body relaxed into mine and she rested her head against my shoulder, I sighed with a kind of peacefulness I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Then I almost jolted with the realization that it mattered to me that Eden was comfortable with me. I’d never given a damn what any woman thought about me besides my mother and sister. Did I despise the way my father treated women? Fuck yes, I did. And while I was never concerned with women besides the pleasure they could offer me in bed, I wasn’t cruel to them like Luca. We had a mutual good time, and that was that.

But Eden? I was starting to actually care about her as a person. Her feelings were becoming my own. When she hurt, I hurt. I wanted to take away her pain, to absorb it into my bones until she didn’t feel it anymore.

It was a completely unfamiliar feeling but one that wasn’t unpleasant at all. And maybe, if I was being honest with myself, it had been happening for a while. I’d gotten her flowers for her birthday, for fuck’s sake. I’d never bought a woman flowers before.

My mind flashed back to that day in March when she’d stomped into the kitchen like a woman on a mission to be miserable. But the lilacs had made her smile, and that made my heart stretch like it had been dormant for a long time and was finally waking up.

With a slow hand, I tentatively stroked my fingers through the hair over her right ear. “Is this okay? If I touch you like this?”

I felt her nod against the side of my neck. “Yes. That feels good.”

My fingers continued to roam through Eden’s soft locks, massaging miniature circles against her scalp. For a long while, the only sounds were the crashing waves and the occasional tree frog or cricket chirping in the distance.

Then she burrowed a little closer and pierced my soul with her words.

Chapter 20

Eden’svoicewassoftbut clear. “There was a false wall in the cargo area of a big truck. It slid forward to form a kind of narrow hallway along one side.” Twin gusts of air feathered across my skin as she exhaled through her nose. “There were five of us. Cara. Nesha. Two girls named Jennifer. And me. They made us get in there and chained us to the wall by our arms and legs. And around our necks.”

She paused for a long moment, and when she spoke again, her voice sounded strangled. “When they closed the false wall, it was only a couple inches from my face. It was so fucking dark.”

Jesus.“Is that what your nightmare was about?”

“Yes.” The word trembled against her lips, turning the single syllable into three, and I lowered my lips to the top of her head.

Eden pressed one palm against my chest, directly over my heart, while we sat in silence for a time. Without even thinking about it, I began rocking from side to side, and her body moved with mine in a slow, steady rhythm.

I had so many questions but forced myself to remain quiet, to let her go at her own pace. When she spoke again, the tips of her fingers curled against my chest.

“We couldn’t even sleep to pass the time,” she said in a trembling voice. “Every time I’d start to doze off, my head would droop forward and the chain around my neck choked me and woke me up.”

Motherfucker.I wanted to wrap her up and hold her tight, but that wasn’t what she needed; it was what I needed. How the hell was she even functioning? What she’d been through was goddamn horrifying, and it wouldn't have improved much if I had handed her over to Luca like I was supposed to.

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