Page 33 of Love Without Control

“You all right, man?”

I lifted my weary head, clasping my hands at the back of my neck. “I’m trying like hell to save her, but all I’m really doing is hurting her.”

Robert was silent for a long moment, staring down at his empty plate before lifting his concerned gaze to mine. “I know, Damiano. But sometimes those things are not mutually exclusive.”

Chapter 11

Iclosedthebedroomdoor behind me and leaned my back against it, eyes closed and breaths labored.Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

My body jolted when a soft knock reverberated through the wood of the door and into my right shoulder. With a shaky voice, I called, “Yeah?”

“Evie, may I come in?”

Jamie. Hell, this was her house. How could I tell her she couldn’t come in? Scrubbing my hands up and down my face, I stepped away from the door. “Of course.”

I heard the swish of the door opening and then felt a slight touch between my shoulder blades. “Tell me what happened, honey. Did I say something to upset you?”

With a jaw made of steel, I turned with a forced smile on my face. “It wasn’t you. And I’m sorry I ran off like that. It was rude of me.”

Her pretty lips slid into a crooked smile. “Don’t bullshit me, Evie. Tell me.” Her voice left no room for argument, and for some inexplicable reason, I trusted this woman. Wanted to talk to her. Jamie was brash and funny, but at the same time, she was gentle and caring.

Running the fingers of one hand through my still damp hair, I let out an exhale that felt like it had been roosting in my lungs for days.

“You said you help people who are searching for a better life but…” My fingers gripped thick locks of hair, tightening until I could feel the tug against my scalp. The slight pinch seemed to give me that last ounce of strength I needed to continue. “I already have a good life.Hada good life, I guess, since everything is all fucked up now.”

Deflating like a popped balloon, I sank into a crouch, palms pressed to my face. “I want my life back.”

Jamie didn’t say anything, but I sensed movement and peeked through my fingers to see her sitting at my level, cross-legged in front of me. She gestured for me to do the same.

“Sit, honey. Trust me, your knees will thank you once you reach my age.”

At first glance, I’d thought Jamie was in her forties, but on closer inspection, the tiny lines around her eyes and the hints of gray snaking through her dark hair told me that was probably an underestimation. I sat, mimicking her position and clasping my hands in my lap.

“Evie, marrying a former mobster and secretly helping people go underground was not in my life plan.”

The blunt statement and sarcastic undertones in her voice made me smile. “I imagine not.”

“I was married once before, in my twenties, but when we found out I couldn’t have children, he left me. I was resigned to being alone, focusing on my career. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t some recluse with no friends. I had an active social life and a fulfilling job.”

I stayed silent, letting her speak as she leaned back with her palms against the floor. “At least I thought I was fulfilled until that big oaf busted into my office that night. But Robert and the job we do now were like the puzzle pieces I didn’t know were missing.” Jamie smiled at me. “What I’m trying to say with all my rambling is that life doesn’t always go the way we expect it to. There are bumps and twists and turns that move us in a different direction. And I know, sweetie, I know you’re in a horrible situation, and I hate that for you, but your focus right now needs to be on surviving.”

With my fingernail, I flicked at the edge of the bandage on my right knee. “I know people have it a lot worse than me but—”

“No,” Jamie cut in with a shake of her head, “don’t compare your situation to others’. What you’ve been through is horrific, and you’re allowed to have all the feelings about that.”

“I hate Damiano,” I admitted. “I hate him for deceiving me, for being a criminal, even for being related to Luca Cappitani, though I know that last one’s not his fault.”

Jamie was quiet for a beat. “Did you have a good father growing up?”

A little surprised by the change in direction, I bobbed my head up and down. “The absolute best.” My heart squeezed behind my breastbone. I missed my dad so much.

“I did too, but Damiano didn’t. He grew up a criminal because that’s what he learned from a very young age. His father is…” She shook her head and pressed her lips together. “He’s a very bad man.”

“As bad as Damiano said?”

Her face was solemn. “Probably worse. From what my husband told me, the way Luca treats women is absolutely disgusting. I know what you’re going through now seems bad, but you’re lucky Damiano didn’t deliver you to him.”

I stared at my knee, watching my thumb smooth down the corner of the bandage I’d been picking at. “I know, and I am grateful for that, but he lied to me. He said he was taking me to my family. He let me believe he was some kind of agent that had come to rescue me.”

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