Page 18 of Love Without Control

Those two small kindnesses—leaving the door slightly open and reminding me I was out of danger—almost broke me, but I managed to get a hold on it, my fingers pinching the extremely short hem of the slinky dress they’d made me wear. Slipping into the bathroom, I stripped the horrible garment off and threw it to the floor with force.

Fuck you, dress. And fuck you, Ethan and Felipe. Rot in hell.

I should probably feel bad about being glad they were dead, but I hadn’t asked for any of this… being taken, held captive, and sold. So no, I didn’t feel any remorse at the way they’d met their end.

Looking into the mirror over the white sink, I saw a woman who was bruised, scraped, and afraid, but she was also alive.

As soon as I turned on the shower to warm, my eyes let loose everything I’d been holding back, mimicking the spray from the shower head. Tears poured down my cheeks until I could barely see the towel rack beside the tub. Through the blur of my emotions, I located a dark-blue washcloth and stepped in beneath the hot water.

Oh my god. I’ve never been so happy for the gift of warm water.

With my hands pressed against the white fiberglass wall, my chest heaved with silent sobs as I watched the blood and grime slide from my body, become diluted, and make its way down the drain. I’d never felt more gross in my life.

The hot water stung the scrapes on my legs and hands, but that pain was a mere blip compared to the ache pulsing inside my heart. Rotating in a circle, I let the water wash over me before tilting my head back and wetting my hair as I cried to my heart’s content.

There was a small bottle of shampoo on the lip of the tub, and as soon as I got my hair lathered and rinsed, the food I’d eaten a few minutes ago revolted in my stomach. Slapping my hand over my mouth, I scampered out, naked and dripping, and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet.

Probably ate too fast after having virtually nothing for god knows how long,I thought as I emptied my guts into the porcelain bowl. When I was done, I pushed to my feet, suddenly more tired than I’d ever been in my life, and made my way back to the shower.

I used the rest of the shampoo and washed my hair again before applying conditioner and rinsing. Then I opened the small bar of soap, which looked like it was from a hotel, and went to work on my body with the washcloth, taking care around my injuries. I washed myself again and again until the soap was nothing but a slippery nub.

Lifting my face to the water, I let it wash away the rest of my tears, my hands clasped together beneath my chin in some kind of silent prayer of gratitude.I’m going to see my family tomorrow.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in the shower, but it was a long time, and my bones ached with weariness when I finally stepped out and dried myself. My gaze flitted to the tiny black dress on the floor, and I decided I’d rather run around naked for the rest of my life than put on that vile piece of clothing ever again. It had barely covered my boobs and crotch.

There were plenty of towels in here, so I wrapped one around my wet hair and then grabbed a dry one to loop around my torso. I would just sleep in that tonight.

To my surprise, when I trudged into the bedroom, I found a baby-pink floral pajama set with the tags still on it and a pack of cotton panties sitting on the bed. My hand lifted to my heart as I stared at these simple but thoughtful gifts.

My scrubbed skin practically sighed with relief when I slipped into the soft clothing. Limping to the door, I stuck my head out and saw Damiano in the living room. He quickly strode toward me, holding several Walmart bags.

“Hey, I see you found the pajamas.”

“Yes, thank you,” I told him, again wishing I could come up with better words to express myself, but I was just so fucking tired.

“I had Rodrigo get you a toothbrush and some medicine too,” he said, and I stepped back to let him inside the room. He rummaged around and produced a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste as well as a hairbrush.

I kissed the toothbrush with a series ofmwahnoises, and Damiano laughed. “I figured you’d like that. Go do what you need to do. I’ll wait out here.”

Using way too much toothpaste, I scrubbed my teeth and mouth thoroughly in the bathroom before brushing out my hair and leaving the damp strands loose around my shoulders. When I exited back into the bedroom, the agent gestured for me to sit on the bed.

I did, and he kneeled in front of me, inspecting the wounds on my hands and knees. “How did this happen?” he asked, glancing up at me with his coffee-colored eyes. I liked his voice. It was deep and rumbly but somehow soothing.

“I fell when I tried to run. FYI, it’s not a good idea to run while your legs are shackled together.”

His lips smirked up on one side. “I’ll try to remember that for future reference.”

Over the next ten minutes, he meticulously cleaned and treated my scrapes with hydrogen peroxide and antibiotic ointment before bandaging them. He even applied a thick layer of the salve to the raw spot that was left by the duct tape they’d used to attach the number five to my chest. Somehow, that ranked near the top of the most humiliating things I’d endured since being taken.

Damiano’s hands were large and rough, but he was so damned gentle as he took care of me. I’d suffered nothing but abuse for days, so this care brought on the threat of a new wave of tears, but I clamped my eyelids shut to contain them.

I’d thought I was done with crying, but this big man on his knees, treating me with such tenderness, almost undid me. His lips tightened when he noted the raw skin around my ankles and wrists from the restraints.

“This is arnica,” he told me, smoothing a different ointment around my bruised and scraped joints and then over the marks on my arms and legs that had been left by Felipe and Ethan’s harsh fingers. “It should help with any pain and inflammation.”

“It was really thoughtful of you to get all this. Can I thank Rodrigo too?”

“He’s already in bed, but you can tell him in the morning. He needs to get some sleep because he’ll be flying the helicopter tomorrow.”

---