Page 143 of Love Without Control

“I’m washing my hands now,” Auburn called on his way to the bathroom. “Be ready to hand over that baby, old man.”

“I should have sold him on eBay when he was little,” Dad muttered before snapping wide eyes to me. “Shit, I’m sorry, baby. That was insensitive of me to say. Because of… you know.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” I assured him. “You can joke around in front of me.”

He seemed to relax. “Okay, just let me know if I ever say anything to upset you. I’m sure some of the memories will never go away.”

I tilted my head over onto his shoulder and stared down at my son, who was sleeping peacefully in Dad’s arms. “I did have a lot of triggers at first, but Dane helped me with them.”

“Tell me about that. About how he helped you,” my father said, reluctantly handing over the baby when Auburn showed up and sat beside him.

So I laid it out for them. Told them a bit about the nightmares and how closed spaces and the dark bothered me. How Dane would sit on the veranda with me until the sun came up. How he went completely over the top in the lighting section at the hardware store. They got a laugh out of that. It was easier than I would have suspected to talk to them about what I'd been through.

“But I’m okay now. I haven’t had a nightmare in years, and I don’t have to sleep with the window open or a bunch of lights on. We still have one of the turtle nightlights, and I keep it on at night, but that’s more out of nostalgia than anything else.”

Dad kissed my forehead. “I know you and Dane didn’t start out in a conventional way, but I like him. He kept my little girl alive and took care of her, so I’ll always be grateful to him for that.”

Dear lord, my heart was so full.

Paulie was a big hit with my family. He was pampered and cooed over, fed and bathed. We all had dinner together, and Dad announced that he wanted to stay over at Auburn and Gianna’s too.

Cruz, Kassie, and Monty left about ten, and my dad and I stayed up talking till the wee hours. He told me a lot of things about my mother and why he’d stayed with her for so long. I was disgusted by some of the things she’d done, though I shouldn’t have been surprised.

We finally called it a night, and Dad went to sleep in Jaxon’s room while I crept into the guest room where my husband was sleeping. I checked on Paulie in the portable crib and found him sleeping like an angel, so I crawled into bed with Dane.

“Everything good?” he murmured, cuddling against my back and kissing the back of my head.

“All good,” I sighed in contentment.

We were woken about dawn by our own personal alarm clock, and I groggily crawled from the bed. “I’ll get a bottle.”

“I’ll get the baby,” Dane said around a yawn.

When I returned with the warmed bottle, Dane was sitting up against the headboard with Paulie cradled against his bare chest. My breath caught at the intimate beauty of father and son together. The baby held a handful of his dad’s hair in one hand. He never pulled; he simply grabbed a chunk of strands in his little fist like it comforted him.

“Well, my boys are certainly looking handsome this morning,” I purred, curling up beside them on the bed.

“We are a couple of good-looking dudes,” Dane teased, taking the bottle and popping it into Paulie’s eager mouth. We watched his chubby cheeks move and listened to his sucking noises for a while before Dane asked, “Should we start looking for a place to live?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I want you to be happy.”

“That’s not what I asked,” I pointed out. “Do you want to live in New York?”

He mulled it over before nodding. “I do. I think we belong here. Paulie will have a grandfather, aunts, uncles, and cousins.” A sly grin slid over his lips. “And I’ve missed New York pizza.”

Relief settled in my gut. “I was afraid Monty had scared you off yesterday.”

“Nah, your brother is all right, and I don’t blame him. I was a bit of an unsavory character in my past life.”

“What did he say after he shook your hand yesterday?”

Dane’s lips tipped up on one side. “He said he respected me but he wasn’t sure he liked me. I told him I felt the same.”

“Well, I guess that’s better than nothing.”

“I’ll try to make an effort today when everyone comes over again.”

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