Page 59 of Anchor

I always admired her for what she did, but then Travis did what he did, and I thought she was stupid. I don’t understand how she could forgive it not once but twice, with a baby to boot, especially when the thought of being in that common room gives me hives.

“Hey, sweetheart,” my mom mumbles as she kisses my cheek, and I smile a little.

The woman is, well, she’s different, that’s for sure. Since I woke up, she’s been sweet, kind, caring, and the perfect grandmother to Micha, who now asks for her to pick him up from school and attend his practices and games.

And all it took was for her to become dependent on herself and not a man—who knew?

Tina leans down next and kisses my forehead before taking a seat next to my mom. Both women look at me attentively as a waitress brings them coffee.

Once the woman is gone, I lick my bottom lip and take a deep breath before I say, “Thank you both for coming.”

Mom nods while Tina replies, “Anything for you, Heaven….”

I give her a small smile, even though it feels weird to have her on my side, and wrap my hands around my mug. Mom notices.

“You’re wearing your wedding ring again.”

I eye the metal and admit, “Not by choice. I woke up with it on.” I look at the women. “The last time I saw it was when I handed it to Steal after I caught Travis with Ginger.”

Tina flinches while Mom leans forward and asks, “If it isn’t by choice, why are you still wearing it?”

I swallow hard and admit, “Because I can’t seem to let myself remove it for a second time.”

“Because if you do, then you are saying your marriage is truly over,” Tina cuts in, and I nod in confirmation.

I remove the ring, I’m leaving my husband, the divorce will be filed and finalized, and he won’t be able to stop it because he will also know I’m done.

“I need some advice,” I admit. I look at both women, and both look at me like I have two heads with the fact I’m coming to them, and I chuckle. “Mom, you hate men,” I say, and she shrugs, not denying it. “And Tina, you forgave your husband, twice, for his affairs.”

She nods and summarizes, “You need different people with different experiences to help you sort your head out.”

I nod. “I do because I am so confused and so conflicted.” I look down at my ring again and swallow hard. “I’ve spent tenyears putting Micha first and trying to move on from the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. I filed for divorce and petitioned it over thirteen times, and each time, it got declined.” I look up at them. “Every time I close my eyes, I see that look of pleasure on his face. Every day, I hear their moans and his words, and I’ve tried to move past it, tried to give him a chance by going to therapy, by allowing him to basically move back home—heck, I even let him get away with screwing with my birth control, and when I woke up, I was still willing to work on it….”

Mom supplies, “Then last week happened.”

I nod and say, “He moved all my stuff to his house, but I kept silent because I didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to cause an argument, especially considering how distant he was becoming after I woke up.”

“He blames himself for the baby,” Tina informs me, and I nod.

“And that is why I didn’t want to rock the boat. I spent the week trying to rile him up just to get some sort of reaction from him that wasn’t a grunt or a scowl, but then the idiot, yet again, didn’t use his brain.” I scoff and look at Tina. “Would you have sat in the room for an hour with a bunch of strangers waiting to grill you while having the woman who screwed your husband smirking at you?”

Tina picks up her coffee, takes a sip, and then admits, “I would have cut my husband’s balls off.”

I slam my hand down with anger and frustration. “I knew he wasn’t aware I was being discharged but the man didn’t even think, didn’t consider my feelings, just like ten years ago when he thought spending our first anniversary, that he forgot by theway, in a clubhouse full of men having sex, when I had just given birth to his son…. God, I hadn’t even had a proper shower in the two months after Micha was born because the idiot was never home, and each time Micha slept, I tried to do the housework instead, ensuring Travis’s clothes were clean. He always had a meal waiting for him before work most nights, too.”

I huff and lean back in my seat, my eyes tearing up with frustration. “I always put him first, and yet the one time I needed him to put me first, yet again, he didn’t; instead, the club was his priority, even on the day I was discharged. And being near that clubhouse, the memory of what I had to witness, consumes me to the point his touch makes me feel dirty.” I wipe away the fallen tears and look at the two women. “When he picked me up last week, a part of me believed maybe he was still sleeping with her.”

Tina winces while my mom sighs and leans forward, grabs my hand, and says, “He isn’t, sweetheart, and I know that is shocking coming from me of all people, but I saw the way he was when you were in a coma. The man was barely hanging on, Heaven, he was a shell of himself. He loves you; he’s just struggling with guilt over the baby.”

I sigh. “But he doesn’t have anything to feel guilty about.”

Tina tilts her head at me, and understanding shines as she says, “You’re not as upset, are you, over losing it?”

I flinch and grab my cup before admitting, “I was initially devastated. I felt like a part of me was missing, but then I realized I still don’t trust Travis, I still hear his words, and when he started distancing himself, I realized I was relieved there was no baby, and then I felt guilty for feeling that way to begin with, I mean, it wasn’t the baby’s fault his dad was a cheating jerk.”

Tina leans forward and grabs my hand, gripping it in hers, and she whispers, “It’s a normal reaction, Heaven. This baby was forced on you, and you had no choice but to go along with it. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about, and as for my son, please don’t leave him.” I sniffle. “Hit him, make him pay, but don’t leave him, and not because I don’t want my son hurting but because I know you love him more than anything in this world.”

I look at her as she grips my hand harder and she says, “When you filed for a divorce, I was jealous.” My eyes widen, but she just smiles. “I was jealous because you dared to leave, to not be with a man who hurt you, and I hated it because I stayed, and to this day, I still feel like he’s straying, I still wonder where he is….” She gently wipes away my tears that fall. “You fought against him, put your son first, got yourself through law school without his help. You became an independent woman, but now, why don’t you put your heart first?”

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