Page 35 of Anchor

“Because you cheated on me, Travis!” she shouts, and I fucking snap.

“Stop fucking using that as an excuse, Heaven, it’s getting fucking old! I fucked someone else; I get it, I ruined our marriage, but it’s been ten years, and I’m fucking trying here!” Ishout back and instantly regret my words as she laughs darkly at me, and I suddenly feel like I’m missing something.

“Okay, I’m going to butt in,” Dr. Larsa says. I look her way to see her eyes sparkling with happiness which just pisses me off as she says, “She’s not using it as an excuse Travis.”

I open my mouth to snap at her, but this time Heaven jumps back in and rasps, “You cheated on me once, you’ll do it again; you’ll throw me away as soon as I depend on you.” I look at my wife with wide eyes because surely I’ve proven myself. She gives me a sad smile and whispers, “You’ll get bored of me, you’ll figure out that fighting for me for so long wasn’t worth it, we’ll have another argument where you won’t like my answer, and you’ll go back to Ginger….”

“Angel,” I choke in pain, but she ignores me and continues.

“You’ll take our son from me, ensure he hates me, you’ll kick me out of the house because you have all the power…. You’ll tear me apart until there is nothing left….”

Heavens tears fall as she leans forward and grips my hand and explains, “I love you, Travis, you know this, I know this. It’s something that won’t ever disappear, but my independence, it’s something I have held onto because I never got it with my mother.” Her eyes race between mine. “I have spent my whole life listening to those words from her every time a guy realizes that she’s after everything they have, wanting to be looked after for the rest of her life so she didn’t have to work. Money, I never saw a cent, and it was only when my school would question why my clothes were too small that she would buy me something because she was always focusing on herself.”

My breathing quickens at her truth, and gently, she brings my hand to her mouth, kissing it before she admits, “Those words are what my mother stated to me every single day after you did what you did, and she was even more adamant when the judge would refuse the divorce.” She looks up from our hands. We make eye contact. “I have had my mother's words in my head for as long as I can remember, and they only stopped when we got together…until you did what you did. My job keeps me grounded; it reminds me I’m living for me, not you and not my mother; it means I’m providing for my future and our son by myself, because it’s what I needed to do to get through the pain.”

I lick my bottom lip and murmur, “I understand it, I do, but that money wasn’t just for our son, Heaven, it’s for you as well….”

She shrugs and admits, “I’m programmed not to accept it, Travis, not for myself anyway. Yes, I’ve used some over the years for Micha’s clothes or after-school clubs, but the rest is in an account in his name. It’s also why there’s barely any food in the cupboards, because I didn’t have enough from my tips to fill them.”

I shake my head feeling so fucking defeated. I hurt her that much she’s willing to go without.

“I’m scared, Travis,” she admits when I don’t say anything, and I swallow hard, waiting for her to continue, but when she does, I fucking hate myself even more. “I’m pregnant, something you orchestrated, and all I can hear is your words when you were with her, my mother’s words…. What’s stopping that from happening again?”

I look at my wife, her words swimming in my head, and I admit, “Because you are all I can think about. Because you are the only one I have been with since I fucked up. Because I love you,Heaven…. You promised me you’d try to learn to trust me again. I need you to keep to that, to let me prove to you I won’t be how I was ten years ago, that I’ll cherish you through this pregnancy and when our second child is born, like I should have with Micha.” I grip her hand tight. I whisper, “I’m so fucking sorry I did this to us, Angel, I am, but I need you to let me in. I need you to lean on me….”

I gently cup my wife’s cheeks and wipe away her tears as Dr. Larsa says, “Okay, time is up.” We look her way. “A lot has been unpacked today. Heaven, you’ve finally opened up about how much your mother's words have impacted your adult life, and Travis, you’ve finally seen that she’s not truly hanging onto the fact you slept with someone else; she stuck with the words she can’t escape.” She closes her notebook. “Now, I’m not happy you trapped your wife, Travis,” I shrug not at all sorry, “but I am happy with this breakthrough. I have some homework for you both. Dating.”

I open my mouth to tell her she’s fucking crazy if she thinks I’m allowing my wife to date again, but she puts her hand up with a smile and says, “Each other. I’m not going to see you both for a whole month because I’m out of the office. I want you, in that month, to date and get to know the adult versions of you as a couple, instead of being stuck in the past.”

Huh, dating my wife….

A few hours later, after filling the kitchen with food, something my wife struggled to accept but stood back and allowed, I sit next to Heaven on the couch. She’s looking gorgeous in one of my shirts but is in her own world instead of watching the movie.

I can’t have that.

I wrap my arm around her and pull her to me, maneuvering us so I’m on my back, and she’s lying on top of me. Not once does she complain; instead, she presses her face into my neck and places her hand on my bare, tatted chest.

“What do you say in two days after church, I’ll pick you up and take you out?” I murmur against her head.

She’s quiet for a moment before she answers, “I’d say you’ll need to see if your dad or Steal can watch Micha because I think I need to cut contact with my mom for a little while.”

I can’t help it, but my whole fucking body relaxes at her words, knowing she needs a break from her mom while we’re trying to figure ourselves out.

I nod and agree, “Okay, I’m on board with that, Angel….”

I press a kiss to her head as my phone rings, and I groan as Heaven pulls it out of my jeans pocket and passes it to me.

I answer, “Yeah?” without looking at the screen. My eyes are on my girl as she places her chin on my chest, our eyes connecting.

“Vicky is the one stealing,” Steal says, and I sigh.

“Gun fucks a lot of the clubwhores when he’s at the club alone,” I confirm, and Steal hums while Heaven raises a brow.

I smile at her and say, “You were right, Angel. An old lady was looking for revenge.”

She nods and then drops her head back on my neck, making me smile, which soon drops when Steal says, “Yeah, he’s been with her for over five years, and he’s decided to take his property patch back. Turns out he only made her his old lady because sheclaimed to be pregnant, and instead of getting proof, he handed her his cut like an idiot, being stuck with her per club rules before she gave him a negative test….”

“Fucking idiot,” I mumble and Steal laughs.

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