Page 42 of Prince of Malice

“Fine.” He sighs, once again taking his time again to piece together his response. Every second that crawls past feels like an eternity; each slight tick of my watch seems hours apart. “I guess I wouldn’t be against it.”

“Okay…”

“Well, come on, it’s your turn,” he declares.

“I guess I wouldn’t be against it either,” I admit.

We both fall silent, looking at each other awkwardly, not wanting to be the next to speak. Both of us eye up the other to break the silence.

“You know that if something were to happen, there’s a good chance it ends badly.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I shout. “Do you think I want all of this?”

“What happened to you not being against it?” “I’m still not, but that’s the problem. All of this isn’t a choice for me. I’ve tried to fight it, but you just keep coming back to my head and I can’t stop it,” I rant. “I want to forget you, but I just can’t do it.”

I fall back down onto the bed, my body feeling almost limp from my frustration.

“I get it…” Luca begins. “I hated you since I met you. Hell, part of me still does, but when I see you…when we’re alone, there’s a much louder part of my brain that won’t stop thinking about you. And that part, I can’t shut up.”

He looks at me, and his eyes are so earnest that I know that he feels the same way that I do. That same Luca from thewedding who would have torn me apart for not knowing every single thing he does feels the same way.

And there’s something so comforting in what we both don’t know.

Letting out a short chuckle, a slight smirk grows across my face.

“What is it?” he challenges.

“It’s nothing.” “No, what’s so funny?” Luca probes again.

“We finally agree on something.” I laugh again. This time, I can’t seem to cut it short, and it just devolves all on its own.

“Shut up,” Luca says while starting to giggle himself. Leaning toward me, he plants a kiss on my lips. The shock that it sends through my body is different from any other time we’ve kissed. Unlike before, there is no raw passion or heat-of-the-moment decision making; there is only the care we have for each other in a moment of calm intimacy where there is no expectation for more.

When he pulls away from me, our lips part and his face falls back into the stupid smile that I just love to see on his face.

“I know everything that we’re doing isdangerous, but I still want to see you again,” I confess.

“I don’t want to stop seeing you either, but we need to be smart about this. We can’t be seen together like we’re…together. You can’t wait for me outside of class, and I can’t come around to your dorm in the middle of the day.”

“What do you suggest then?”

“If we’re going to keep seeing each other, it can’t be like this.” Luca gestures around his room. “We’ll have to sneak around, hide everything we do together, and make sure no one else knows.” Luca changes track for a second as another thought pops into his head. “No one else knows about what we’ve done, right?”

He seems paranoid, like there’s some part of this he’s not telling me.

“No, I haven’t told anyone,” I lie, knowing that Angelo already managed to pull this thread out of me.

“Good.” He sighs. “Because you won’t be able to. Is that something you’ll be okay with?”

His question hits me hard, harder thanany of the hits I took last night. All of this either has to be some twisted secret, an elaborate lie, or it can be nothing more.

“I think it’s worth it,” I tell him, not lying at all.

14

LUCA

Holding down the pressure of this secret building up in the back of my throat starts to burn. As I sit here and look him directly in the eye, the warmth I feel listening to him put himself out there and talk to me honestly is already bittered by me discarding the truth.

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