Page 14 of Found By Him

My smile is brittle when I say, “Yeah, sorry.”

I know he’s expecting an explanation, but I can’t. This isn’t something you drop on someone during what may or may not be a first date. I don’t even know what he considers this. The optimism I felt earlier dissipates as the conversation between us falters.

It’s my fault. I can’t focus. I can’t tamp down the panic and dread consuming me. Knowing I’m ruining whatever’s between us makes me spiral further. Even when he asks me a question, I can’t form more than a few words in response. His expression is strained with doubt as we eat our meals. It’s so different from how he looked at me earlier. I guess this is the universe reminding me that I should have listened to the part of my brain telling me this was a bad idea.

When he finally pays the bill, I mumble a thank you before we walk out of the restaurant in silence. He looks at me every few steps with an indecipherable expression. I can only imagine how happy he must be to end this dinner that started with so much promise. When we get to my vehicle, though, technically it’s his, Jack puts his hand on the door as if to open it for me, but then he doesn’t. His eyes find mine.

“Gisella, I?—”

My heart can’t take hearing how this was a mistake, so I hold my hand up to halt his words. “It’s okay, Jack. You don’t have to say anything. Thank you for dinner.”

His eyebrows knit together as his gaze narrows. He drops his hand from the door. “I don’t think you?—”

I interrupt and seize the opportunity to pull the door open and climb inside. “I need to go. Let me know when my car is ready and if you need anything else for the insurance.”

He frowns, but doesn’t stop me from closing the door. When he takes a step back, I start the car, and he stands unmoving, watching me back out of the parking spot and drive away.

As I turn out of the parking lot, tears start to fall. Impressed with how long I was able to keep them at bay, I brush my cheeks, catching the tears almost as quickly as they come.

Tomorrow, I will try to forget I ever thought there could be something between us and return to my regularly scheduled life. One that will be filled with loneliness and fear until I can fix the complications plaguing me.

10

Ella

On Friday afternoon, a knock on my door has my spine straightening, physically preparing myself for an encounter with Craig. “Come in.” The door opens, and Maggie pops her head in. I exhale a breath of relief. “Hey, Maggie.”

Maggie smiles as she steps into my office, handing me a pile of papers. “Here are this week’s expense reports and invoices.”

Taking a peek, I thumb through them. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She sits down in the chair, facing my desk with a wide smile. “It’s been a couple weeks since we went out. Do you want to grab dinner tonight?”

I hesitate. I’m not the best company this week. For the days since dinner with Jack, my thoughts have oscillated between anger at myself and whoever is taunting me and embarrassment at how badly things ended.

She can sense my hesitation. “Come on! It’s Friday!”

I gnaw on my lip for a few moments. Maybe getting out will be good for me. “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Yay! I can’t wait to hear all about your new man!” She claps her hands together.

Immediately, my face falls.

She freezes. “Oh no.”

I grimace and shrug, not waiting to get into it.

“Fuck him. This night out is even more needed now. I’ll see you tonight, and you can tell me all about what an asshole he is.” She harrumphs out of my office.

It would be so much easier if Jack were an asshole. But he’s so far from that it makes my heart hurt.

The restaurant Maggieand I agreed to go to is on a busy corner of East Nashville. Traffic is backed up, and since we’re only a block or so away, I tell the ride-share driver I’ll get out and walk. I thank her before shutting the door and hurrying out of the street.

As I step onto the sidewalk, the summer humidity thickens around me. It’s still light out, and a few other people mingle, looking ready to enjoy the start of the weekend.

I’m nearing the restaurant when my phone vibrates in my purse. Figuring it’s Maggie, I stop to pull it out so I can reply to her before heading into the restaurant.

Unknown: Didn’t anyone ever tell you walking alone was dangerous for stupid bitches?

---