Page 93 of I Would Die for You

His breathing slows and, once she’s certain that he’s passed out, Cassie takes the opportunity to rearrange the scene, making sure the foil and rolled-up bank note take center stage. It’s only after she’s taken a couple of shots that she remembers Ben’s jacket, which she drapes casually over the back of the sofa so that any voyeur will all too easily be able to picture him just out of frame.

If Michael’s going down, she’s going to make sure Ben goes with him. It’s the least they deserve.

50

CALIFORNIA, 2011

Ben gives Zoe a cursory glance as she walks into the living room, and I wait for him to see something in her that he recognizes. Like I did, even though I didn’t know it at the time—or maybe I was in denial.

Yet there’s nothing but a muddled expression, as he no doubt asks himself why I need a stranger to help me say what needs to be said.

“Ben, this is Zoe,” I say, my voice wavering as nervousness takes hold. “Zoe, Ben…”

Her eyes darken and her lips pull thin as she looks at him with nothing but disdain and contempt.

“I don’t even have the words,” she starts. “I’ve imagined this moment all my life, but now that you’re here…”

“What’s going on?” asks Ben, looking between us with a look of bewilderment.

“Twenty-five years ago, I did something that I”—my voicecracks—“that I have never been able to forgive myself for. And I don’t expect you to ever be able to forgive me either, but I have to tell you the truth, because I can’t live the rest of my life with the guilt that I carry around with me every day…”

There’s a daunting silence, but I will myself to go on, despite my heart almost beating out of my chest.

“I amsosorry that I wasn’t brave enough to tell you, Ben…” I dare to look at him. “But I was young—weallwere—and I was terrified that if I told you, toldanyone…”

His jaw spasms as he looks between me and Zoe, trying to second-guess what I’m about to say. But he can’t possibly imagine.

“Only one person knew…” I go on, before being cut off by the ringing of Zoe’s phone.

We all look at each other, questioning whether there is anyone important enough to interrupt what’s going on.

“It’s Cassie,” says Zoe, pressing the button to answer it.

My blood runs cold. I’ve had all these years to speak my truth, and when I finally find the courage, she comes in with a wrecking ball, as always. But I won’t let her do it this time.

“She wants to speak to you,” says Zoe, holding the phone out.

It feels like a hot coal in my hand as I take it, the thought of my sister being so close making my insides burn with a ferocious heat.

“So, you’ve finally found the balls to admit to what you did,” she sneers, as soon as she hears my breath.

All the words I’ve saved for her are snatched away. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Have you told him yet?”

I open and close my fist, wishing I could reach through the phone and smash it into her face. “Which part?”

She laughs. “The part where he realizes that, if it weren’t for you, his life would have turned out very differently.”

Ben’s eyeing me with increasing suspicion, no doubt wondering what I’ve brought to his door.

“It’s over,” I choke. “Dad wrote me a letter. He told me everything.”

There’s a drawn-out silence and I wonder if she’s still there or already on her way to the nearest airport to avoid arrest.

“You were as much to blame as I was,” she hisses. “Yet you think you’re going to waltz off into the sunset with what’s rightfully mine…again.”

I laugh, unable to believe that she’s still trapped in the imaginary relationship she thought she was having twenty-five years ago. But then it dawns on me: It’s not about Ben at all.

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