Page 74 of I Would Die for You

I shake my head in an effort to dislodge the doubt in my mind,but I can’t shift the feeling that she wants more from me than just a story. I clasp my hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Where did you get that tape from?”

“I found it,” she says, all too blithely.

“Where?”

She bites down on her lip, as tears spring to her eyes.

“Where?”

“My mother gave it to me,” she says quietly.

I suck in a breath, the squeeze on my chest making me feel as if my heart is being stamped on. As much as I’ve dreamed that one day this song would somehow find me again, I’ve gone out of my way to make sure it wouldn’t.

“I-I don’t understand…” I start. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this.”

“I’m sorry,” says Zoe. “I didn’t know how else to do it.”

“B-but how… How did you know it was me?”

“I didn’t,” says Zoe, looking at me with an expression I can’t read. “But I was always aware of the tape because it used to be in a box in the attic. I’d have great adventures going up there as a kid and looking through everything.” She ejects the cassette and runs her thumb across my scrawled handwriting on the label. “The idea of something being on here, hidden from the naked eye, was something of a fascination for me. It held a secret promise, an unknown entity that you couldn’t open unless you had the right tool.”

I dare to allow myself a smile as I listen to the musings of the post-Walkman generation, unable to imagine what it must have felt like to be presented with a reel of magnetic ribbon and be told that it had revolutionized the music industry.

“But when I was about ten years old, my mum gave me this machine to play it on,” Zoe goes on, clutching what is now considered a piece of history.

“What did she tell you about it?” I ask, unsure of how much I want to know.

She shrugs. “She just said that one day it might bereallyimportant and that I was to take great care of it.”

I stifle the urge to sob, my throat closing in on itself. “So that’s why you’re here?”

She nods self-consciously. “I guess. I don’t want anything from it. I just wanted you to know that I had it. You know, if you ever wanted to…”

I shake my head aimlessly, because I honestly don’t knowwhatI want anymore.

37

LONDON, 1986

“There’s some bacon for you under the grill,” says John as Nicole pads into the kitchen, bleary-eyed from being up all night. “I’m just going to take this up to Cassie.”

“I’ll take it to her,” says Nicole hurriedly, snatching the butty from him and turning to leave as quickly as she came in. She needs to see Cassie before their father does.

Knocking gently on her sister’s bedroom door, she tiptoes her way into the darkened room, eyeing the clothes she’d carefully laid over the dressing-table pouffe, imagining the evidence that may have imprinted itself between the fibers. She’s hoping that, in the cold light of day, Cassie will reconsider whether she wants to go to the police, and Nicole wants to preserve every one of Michael’s abhorrent cells in readiness.

“Hey, are you feeling up to eating?” she asks quietly, not wanting to rattle Cassie’s already fragile state. “I’ve got one of Dad’s specials.”

There’s a groan, like the one Nicole is used to hearing on themornings she’s unfortunate enough to be the one to wake Cassie for school. She opens one eye, stretching like a cat in the sliver of sunlight that’s bleeding around her festoon blind, and Nicole can’t help but be in awe of how Cassie’s holding up. But a split second later it’s as if she’s been hit by a ten-ton truck, looking around wide-eyed and curling up into the fetal position, as if protecting herself all over again.

“It’s OK, I’m here,” says Nicole, going to her as her shoulders convulse.

“I thought for a second it was all a nightmare,” says Cassie, crying into her. “I thought I’d dreamed it.”

The rage that Nicole had battled with all night, that very nearly saw her hunt Michael down, returns with a vengeance. She imagines him waking up in his king-size bed this morning, no doubt flanked by one, if not two, girls, reveling in his prowess. He’ll not give a second thought to what he did to Cassie, believing it’s his right to take whatever he wants, fromwhoeverhe wants, with no consequences.

If Ben were more of a man, he would have taken Michael to task well before now. But instead, he’s allowed a monster to manifest right in front of his eyes, disregarding rules and people. He wasn’t much better himself, his self-professed honor and loyalty falling spectacularly short last night.

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