Page 90 of The First Mistake

‘It’s not just about dying. It’s about a child losing one of their parents foranyreason: death, divorce ... I just can’t put another child through that.’

He’d kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently. ‘You won’t be on your own. I’ll always be here for you – forallof you.’

‘Don’t you dare make a promise you can’t keep,’ Alice had sobbed. ‘That’s not fair.’

‘I swear to you, I’ll not let you down. Would it make you feel better if I moved in with you? Will that prove to you that I’m not about to go anywhere?’

Alice had nodded gratefully.

‘But Tom’s not yet been gone a year,’ her mother had said when she heard the news. ‘You’re still grieving. Take your time – there’s no need to rush into anything. You hardly know this man.’

Now, for the first time, Alice wonders if her mother had seen something she hadn’t.

36

As soon as Alice sees Olivia running across the playground, with her arms outstretched, she feels equal measures of happiness and guilt.

‘You’re back,’ she squeals as Alice picks her up and swings her around. ‘Is Daddy home too?’

Alice imagines her answer if she decides that Nathan’s cheating is not something she’s prepared to put up with.No darling, he’s moved out. You can see him every other weekend.Her chest tightens.

‘Yes, he’ll be home in time for tea,’ she says.

‘Yay,’ Olivia shrieks excitedly.

Alice turns around and smiles when she sees Sophia coming towards her. ‘Hey, what areyoudoing here?’

Her elder daughter’s arms hang limply by her side, but as Alice pulls her closer, she feels them slowly come up and wrap around her.

‘I had to return some books to the English department,’ she says. ‘And then I saw this little monkey doing PE on the field, so I thought I’d hang around and walk down.’

‘Ah, that’s so nice,’ says Alice, kissing Sophia’s forehead and pushing her hair away from her face. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah.’ Sophia shrugs.

‘What’s been going on since I last saw you?’

‘You’ve only been gone three days,’ she exclaims.

‘So, nothing new to report?’

‘Gossip, you mean?’

Alice smiles. ‘That obvious, eh?’

Sophia rolls her eyes. ‘You’re worse than my mates.’

Despite her attempt to look and sound normal, Alice is anything but, as she constantly scans the playground, looking for Beth from behind her sunglasses. She can’t shake the heaviness that’s sitting on her chest – the foreboding feeling of waiting for Beth to turn up, not knowing whether she’s about to throw a grenade in her already fragile world. Hoping for the best, Alice puts her head down and hurriedly leads the way out of school.

‘Hello Alice,’ says Beth from her left, blindsiding her.

Heat rushes to her skin, making her feel light-headed. The girls are just a few feet behind her and she has no idea what Beth is going to say or do.

‘We still need to talk,’ she says quietly.

Alice looks directly at her, all too aware of little Millie standing at her mother’s side.Will I see Tom in her, now that my eyes have new knowledge?she asks herself, too frightened to look.

‘Can Olivia come to play?’ asks Millie.

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