Page 32 of The First Mistake

My stomach does a somersault as I look at my watch. ‘Oh God, it wasn’t supposed to be happening until 11.30.’ I let out an involuntary squeak, though I don’t know whether it’s from nerves or excitement.

I try to gauge Nathan’s expression as I peer through the striped glass panels of his office wall, but although he must see me, he shows no flicker of recognition.

‘Do you want a coffee?’ asks Lottie.

‘Yes please,’ I say. ‘A strong one.’

The atmosphere is charged as Nathan moves, seemingly in slow motion, through the open-plan area and into my office. Six heads turn and watch his back as if it’s going to give them the answer we all so desperately want to hear.

I feel a rush of heat to my ears as he closes the door behind him and stands in front of me. I can see his lips moving but the first few words he utters sound as if he’s talking underwater.

‘I’m sorry,’ is the first thing I hear clearly.

My head falls into my hands, my elbows firmly on my desk.

‘The developers aren’t buying the land after all. They’re not going ahead with the deal.’

It’s in that moment that I realize just how much I’d wanted it. ‘But why?’ I ask, my voice high-pitched and sounding like a spoilt child.

‘I don’t know,’ says Nathan. ‘But what we need to take away from this is that if the deal had gone ahead, we would have definitely won the business. They said as much.’

I can’t think straight. I just feel deflated.

‘Did they even hint at what’s happened to change their mind?’ I say, finding my voice.

Nathan scratches at his head, his bemusement obviously as great as my own.

‘I mean why would they just suddenly pull out at this late stage? AT Designs aside, I thought this was a massive deal forthemas well.’

‘It is. It was,’ he says, rubbing at the five o’clock shadow that peppers his chin. ‘It just doesn’t make sense. I thought they were a hundred per cent committed.’

‘All that work,’ I say, ‘a wasted trip to Japan.’

‘It’s the nature of the beast,’ he says. ‘I’m so sorry.’

He walks to me and pulls me up out of the chair. ‘I’m sure we’ll have other opportunities,’ he says, hugging me and kissing the top of my head. I’m vaguely aware that the team are eyeing us through the glass – it doesn’t take much to guess which way it’s gone.

‘I know,’ I say. ‘I’m just so disappointed. I really thought this was the big one.’

‘We’re already doing really well,’ he says, holding me away from him, his eyes boring into mine. ‘This year’s figures are amazing. Don’t beat yourself up about it.’

‘It’s not about the money,’ I say. ‘It’s about putting ourselves on the map, building a reputation. This would have done that.’

He looks away for a moment, and I watch as he goes into thinking mode. ‘Give me a sec,’ he says, before turning and going out the door. Lottie’s eyes follow him forlornly as he crosses the space between my office and his. She looks how I feel.

I’m surrounded by wood samples, fabric swatches and paint colours, all destined for twenty-eight apartments in Tokyo that no longer exist. I want to throw the whole lot out of the window in frustration.

Lottie pokes her head around the door. ‘You okay?’ she asks quietly.

I daren’t look at her, as I’m sure I’ll cry, and thankfully she takes the hint and backs out.For God’s sake Alice, pull yourself together, I say to myself. It’s not as if somebody’s died.

But they have, and I suddenly picture Tom’s face, his mouth breaking into a wide grin at being told we’d won the contract. I can feel his immense pride as he lifts me up in his arms and twirls me around, before we collapse into a giggling heap, unable to believe what we’d achieved.

This one’s for you, is what I was planning on saying to him. But now I can’t, and I don’t know if I’m more disappointed that I’ve let him down, or overcome with guilt that it’shisface I imagined sharing that moment with and not Nathan’s.

‘Can I just run something by you?’ says Nathan, coming back in and interrupting my thoughts. He’s almost bobbing from one foot to other, agitated.

‘Go on,’ I say, sitting back down on my chair.

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