Page 9 of The First Mistake

I pull her to me, as much as is physically possible across the console of the car. ‘Listen—’ I start.

‘And ... and ... she says that my second daddy is going to die like my first daddy.’ Her eyes fill with tears and a big globule falls over her bottom lashes.

‘Now, you listen to me,’ I say assertively, keen not to pass on my own paranoid tendencies. ‘What happened to Sophia’s daddy was a one-in-a-million. Nothing like that will happen to your daddy.’ I discreetly cross my fingers.

She looks at me, her big blue eyes glazed with tears. ‘I promise,’ I say resolutely. ‘Now, how about an ice cream?’

‘Yay,’ she squeals, oblivious to her worries and sadness transposing from her to me.

4

‘Daddy’s here!’ shrieks Olivia as she bounds down the stairs in her pyjamas, with Ned the Ted in her hand.

‘Er, excuse me madam, aren’t you supposed to be in bed?’ I say, looking up from the mood boards that I’ve laid out over the dining table.

Her bottom lip sticks out. ‘But I haven’t seen him for like, ever,’ she whines. ‘Can I see him? Please. If I promise to go straight to sleep afterwards?’

‘You were supposed to be asleep a long time ago,’ I say, knowing full well that would never have happened. She gets so excited when she knows Nathan is coming home, and if he doesn’t appear in daylight hours, I know to resign myself to her sleeping with one eye open, waiting for him.

‘Please,’ she begs. We can already hear his footsteps across the gravel drive.

‘Go on then,’ I smile.

‘Thank you,’ she says, squeezing me around my waist. ‘I promise I’ll be asleep in seconds.’

She runs down the hall and I hear excited shrills – no doubt Nathan has picked her up and is twirling her around. ‘How’s my gorgeous girl?’ I hear him say. ‘I’ve missed you. Was it a long one this time?’

I pick up my glass of wine and peer around the door frame. ‘It’s been four days, eight hours and twenty-three minutes,’ Olivia laughs gleefully. ‘But I think my chart must be wrong because it feels like a lot longer.’

He grips her tightly and ruffles her hair. I watch, smiling, waiting my turn. She’s still in his arms as he comes towards me. He looks tired, but he’s trying his best not to show it. His eyes twinkle and his mouth curls upwards as he looks at me.

‘Has it felt longer to you as well?’ he asks softly, before kissing me on the lips.

‘Much,’ I say.

‘Have you missed me?’

‘I always miss you.’

‘I wish you didn’t have to go away, Daddy,’ says Olivia. ‘Can you stay home now? For a long time?’

She curls her arms around his neck and drops her face onto his shoulder. ‘You’ve got me for a while,’ he says, tickling her under the arm. ‘Come on, let’s get you to bed.’ He starts to climb the stairs.

‘Do you want a drink?’ I ask after him.

‘A large gin would be good,’ he says before he disappears around the corner on the landing.

I’d predicted as much and have already prepared three thinly sliced rounds of cucumber. I count four ice cubes into his favourite glass and fill the tumbler halfway with Hendrick’s. He likes to add his own tonic, so I open a small bottle – the bigger ones lose their fizz, he says – and stand it to the side.

He’s changed into jeans and a T-shirt by the time he comes back downstairs.

‘Is she okay?’ I ask. ‘I knew she wouldn’t settle without seeing you.’

‘I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ he says, smiling. ‘How did it go at school? Is she okay? I didn’t want to make a big thing of it.’

I nod. ‘I think so. I’ll keep an eye on her for the next twenty-four hours or so, but I might pop in, have a chat with the head, just to make sure everything’s okay. Livvy says that Phoebe pushed her.’

He raises his eyebrows as he takes a sip of his drink. ‘You know what kids are like.’

---