Page 39 of The First Mistake

‘I’m sorry – you really wanted that, didn’t you?’

I nod. ‘So much so that Nathan almost convinced me that we should buy it and build it ourselves.’

‘Wow,’ she says, looking at me in awe. ‘Are you going to?’

I shake my head. ‘No, AT Designs means too much to me. It was created by Tom and me, and if anything happened to it because of a bad decision I made, I’d feel I’d let him down in the worst possible way.’

I think back to how hard we’d both worked to get the company off the ground, even when Tom was still holding down a full-time job as a civil engineer.

It had long been a dream of mine to start my own interiors company and just after we found out I was pregnant with Sophia, Tom convinced me that it was time to turn it into a reality. I put my card in shop windows, dropped leaflets, designed a website; anything to get my name out there.

A couple of nearby residents commissioned me to redesign a room or two, and a local playschool asked me to create a new library space for the children. There was no real money in it though, as by the time I finished hand-painting a life-size farmyard mural on the wall, I was out of pocket, but the look on their faces was reward enough for me in the beginning.

Once Sophia arrived, I spent every minute that she slept tiptoeing my way through the designs and ideas that were strewn on the floor of the back room of our flat. But there still wasn’t enough time to get everything done before she woke up again and I’d often find myself awake at two in the morning, playing catch up. One night when the hormones and tiredness had got the better of me, Tom had held me in his arms and promised to be around more than he already was.

‘But you can’t,’ I’d cried. ‘You’re busy enough with your own work. I can’t expect you to do any more than you’re already doing.’

‘I’ll quit,’ he’d said. ‘I don’t want to be a civil engineer for the rest of my life.’

‘Quit?’ I’d said, panicking. ‘But we need your money coming in. AT is barely making anything.’

‘So, we’ll use my inheritance,’ he’d said. ‘It’s what Mum and Dad would have wanted.’

‘All of it?’ I’d asked.

He’d grimaced. ‘I’ll put a little bit by, just in case Daniel ever manages to turn his life around.’

‘But if your parents had wanted to leave some for your brother they would’ve.’

‘Yes, but they based their decision on the life he’s leading now,’ he’d said. ‘If he comes out of prison at some point and sorts himself out, then I know they’d want me to help him.’

‘Do you think that’s likely to happen?’ I’d asked, careful to tread lightly, knowing that his brother’s life choices had brought shame and embarrassment on the family.

‘It might,’ he had said. ‘You’d have to know Daniel to see the potential. He’s just somehow got caught up in doing bad things.’

Tom was a good man and our achievements had been a source of great pride to him. I still feel an enormous sense of responsibility to him, and to his parents, to ensure that it always remains so.

I look at Beth. ‘Maybe if there wasn’t all this other stuff going on, I might have been convinced. But right now, I just can’t see the wood for the trees.Everythingfeels so complicated.’

‘With Nathan, you mean?’

‘It just all feels a bit too much to deal with.’

Beth opens her mouth to speak but appears to think better of it.

‘So, how’s things with you?’ I ask. ‘Did you think anything more about Millie’s dad?’

‘Mmm, she brought it up again at the weekend,’ she says. ‘I’ve had a chat with her, just to see how she feels about it all and whether she really wants to know more about him.’

‘And she does?’

‘That certainly seems to be the way it’s looking,’ she says. ‘And I suppose I want to know where he is and what he’s doing too.’

I hear my phone ringing in my bag and immediately feel my pulse quicken, wondering if it’s Nathan, the office or Olivia’s school. Since when did I want to avoid so many people?

It’s an unknown number and I force myself to answer it. ‘Hello,’ I say gingerly, alert to the potential bad news it could be bringing to my door.

‘Mrs Davies?’ asks a male voice.

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