Page 73 of Edge of Unbroken

“Okay, well, you obviously know that Penny and I have been together a while now,” he says uncomfortably.

“Yeah.”

“And, I mean, I used to be in Virginia a lot and… I’d see her almost every day.” A look of chagrin passes over his strong features. We’ve never really had a chance to talk about what went down after we moved back from Montana, though I understand that my dad started seeing Penny while my mom, Steve, and I still lived on the ranch about three years ago, and that he moved us back to New York so he could be closer to Virginia—to Penny—to carry on his affair. I also know that on the day my mother almost beat me to death, my dad was on his way to pack his things and leave to be with Penny for good, only to walk in on the EMTs trying to bring me back to life after my heart had stopped beating.

“Uh-huh.” My voice is monotone.

“So, we’ve been seeing each other on the weekends since… since I came home full time. She mostly comes here to stay with me and Stevie. I do travel down there once in a while, but I don’t really want to leave your brother too much,” he says. “Anyway, I think we’re at a point where we’d like to have a more permanent arrangement, and I wanted to see how you’d feel about her moving in with us,” he says, then falls silent, observing me through the screen.

We stay quiet for a few moments while I attempt to collect my thoughts.

“Ronan?” Doctor Seivert finally asks.

“Dad, I…” I trail off, needing a moment to sort through the onslaught of emotions.

I divert my eyes from the screen, trying to visualize what it would be like to have a stranger live with us, for my dad’sgirlfriendto sleep in the bedroom that had been my mom’s—my lifelong abuser’s—bedroom. I decide that it’s really not up to me what happens.

“It’s your house, Dad,” I finally say. “I don’t know that I get to have any kind of say in this.” Honestly, my feelings are all over the place, and this feels like the right answer to avoid all of them.

“Of course, you do,” he says vehemently. “It’s your home, too! It’s your home more than it is even mine with all the damn time I’ve spent away from you and your brother. I’m not going to just waltz into your space and lay down the damn law, Ran. Look, you’ve been through a lot; I know this is a big change, and if you’re not okay with this, then I’ll figure out something else.”

“How does Steve feel about it?” My brother’s input is important to me, especially considering the situation he currently finds himself in. I’m not the only one in pain, flailing, reeling.

“He’s fine with it. He’s mostly worried about you.”

“Right. Because I’m the broken one, and I could fall apart at any second,” I mutter ruefully.

“It’s not that,” my dad says. “Ran, you’ve been through hell. I know that. I don’t yet fully understand the extent of it, but I’m getting there, trust me. I’ve seen…” He trails off. I wonder what he’s talking about, but he quickly changes direction. “The last thing I want to do is throw a wrench in your recovery. You’re processing a shit ton right now; everything you’ve known has changed, and Penny moving in is going to require more adjustment. I know you’re strong as hell, but I also don’t need to burden you unnecessarily.”

“Everyone around me has had to adjust, too, though. Everyone has had to change in some way, and it honestly weighs so heavily on me. I feel so fucking guilty that Steve had to postpone going to Boston and about his breakup with Vada,” I say, noting my dad’s expression changing at the realization that I know about Steve’s breakup. “I feel guilty that you had to make changes to your job, and that Cat is hurting…” I sigh, frowning as I recall all the damn sacrifices people have had to make in light of my inability to just stay the fucking course and withstand my mother until I graduated. No one would have ever been the wiser had I just… I don’t know.

“You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed, Ronan,” Doctor Seivert says. This has been a constant theme in our therapy sessions, and even though I try to change my thoughts, they’re really fucking stubborn.

“Yeah, I know. That’s what you keep telling me,” I grunt.

“It’s true, bud,” my dad says. “Look, I’d obviously love for Penny to move in, but I don’t want to put more onto your shoulders.”

“Dad, do you love her?”

He squares his shoulders. “Yes, I do.”

“And she makes you happy?”

“She makes me extremely happy, yeah.”

“Does it feel like things are just a little more bearable when you’re with her?”

“Yeah, it really does,” he sighs.

I nod. “That’s how I feel about Cat.”

Both my dad and Doctor Seivert meet my statement with a smile.

“Pretty sure she feels the same about you,” my dad says, making my heart skip a beat. Then it constricts with the memory that I didn’t get to talk to her on Sunday, that things feel completely sideways.

“It’s fine, Dad. I’m fine with Penny moving in. Wait, does she have kids?”

“No kids.”

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