Page 69 of Edge of Unbroken

I press my lips together, neither nodding nor shaking my head. I’m not going to lie to my parents and tell them I won’t keep secrets. At least not outright. I guess I’m lying by omission, but it’s better than the alternative. No way in hell am I going to tell my father that my ex-boyfriend has pictures of me naked. He got agitated just hearing about Ronan driving me around; what is he going to say if he finds out his little girl sent nudes to some eighteen-year-old?

My parents conclude their phone call while I try to enjoy my chocolate croissant. My mouth is dry, devoid of all moisture like I’ve swallowed desert sand, and frankly I’ve lost my appetite with the news of Adam’s recent misdeeds. That poor girl. I hope she makes it out okay and that, once she does, she’s met with more grace and kindness than my neighbors showed me during the apocalyptic cataclysm of my relationship with Adam. I wonder how similar her story is to mine, how deeply stuck she was in her relationship with Adam. I doubt this latest incident was their first. Does he have pictures of her like he does of me?

The buzzing of my phone in my pocket distracts me from my rumination. It’s a welcome diversion—I hate how much of my emotional energy Adam still consumes. He doesn’t deserve even one iota of headspace.

I answer Steve’s call. “Hey, Stevie. Is everything alright?” Though we’ve been spending a lot of time together and even talk regularly, it’s not normal for him to call me out of the blue, especially on a Saturday morning.

“I need a favor,” he starts with a heaviness in his tone that causes my forehead to wrinkle.

“Anything.”

He exhales deeply. “I just left Vada’s and… if you can, I’d love it if you could head over there? I just… I just ended things between us.”

I feel my shoulders go concave. “Oh, Stevie,” I sigh deeply.

Admittedly, I had been wondering if things were heading in that direction, especially after their intense argument last weekend and Vada’s tearful confession to me in the car on our way home. It’s plain to see how much Steve has been struggling, how much he’s been affected by what happened to his little brother, how huge of a toll it’s taken on his mental health. And even though none of us wished for this result, I think we were all just waiting for either Steve or Vada to call it quits. As much as I hate to say it, I think it was inevitable.

“I’m so sorry.” It feels like the end of an era, like a shift in the universe, and I wonder how their breakup will affect the dynamic of my tight-knit friends’ group. It would be crushing to lose either of them, if they no longer felt comfortable enough to spend time with each other and thus their friends.

“Yeah. Me, too. She’s really upset.”

“I bet. She loves you, you know?” I don’t know why I say it. I know he knows she loves him. A part of me hopes that Steve’s decision is reversible, or at the very least temporary. Maybe it’s just a break rather than a breakup.

“I know. And I love her, too, but… I don’t know. Things haven’t been good.I’mnot good. And I feel like I’m just doing more damage. I don’t want to hurt her anymore, which I know I’ve been doing. It’s not fair to her. I need some time and… I don’t know.”

“I get it, Stevie. You need to focus on you right now. Have you thought about this idea of maybe seeing a therapist?” I ask, even though I feel a little bit like a broken record. Maybe it’s because my mom is a psychiatrist and I know how beneficial it can be to have a neutral person—someone uninvolved in your struggles, someone who’s not inherently invested or biased—to talk to.

“Yeah. I talked to my dad about it. We talk a lot, actually.” He chuckles. “Honestly, if there’s anything good that came from all this crap that happened it’s that my dad is home all the time now,” he says in a way that gives me the impression he’s talking more to himself than me. “He said he’s going to talk to Ran’s therapist about it next week.”

“That’s great.”

“We’ll see. I just know something needs to happen because I really don’t feel like myself right now. And it’s so dumb because, like, I’m fine, right? I never got hurt, but here I am, acting like a whiny little baby.”

“You really need to stop saying these things. You’re suffering from trauma, Steve. Yeah, okay, you didn’t get hurt like Ran did, but that doesn’t mean the things you’re feeling aren’t valid. It doesn’t negate that your whole life has been upended—everything you knew to be true wasn’t. You weren’t able to leave for college like you had planned, you’re learning some terrible things, you almost lost your little brother…andyour dad is home all the damn time now. That’s, like, constant supervision. Those are all valid reasons to feel like absolute crap.”

He chuckles at my rather lame attempt at a joke, and I’m glad I was able to bring some levity to our conversation. “Thanks for being so supportive. I really appreciate that. And I’m glad you’re in Ran’s life. He needs you.”

I feel the heat climb up the back of my neck before it winds its way around to flush my cheeks. “I need him, too,” I say earnestly. “Okay, so I’ll head over to Vada’s. I’m surprised she hasn’t texted me yet.”

“Yeah, she was really upset,” Steve says, ashamed. “I’ve never seen her cry this hard. I tried to console her, but she told me to leave. I wanted to respect that…”

“I’ll be at her house in a few minutes. Are you going to be alright, though?” Vada wears her heart on her sleeve. I have no doubt the emotions will pour out of her as she grieves the loss of her relationship with Steve, and I sense this may actually allow her to get to a healthier place quicker. I worry more about Steve’s ability, or perhaps willingness, to allow himself to feel the loss and grief.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m actually going to head to Murphy’s in a little bit to hang out with Zack and Shane. I won’t be alone. I promise.”

I’m relieved to hear this, and even more relieved that this plot twist has not, as of yet, affected Steve and Zack’s close friendship. After all, Zack is also Vada’s twin brother. His allegiance is twofold.

“Okay. Stevie, please,pleaselet me know if you need anything at all. I’m here for you.”

“I know. Thank you, Cat. Oh, hey, when you talk to Ran tomorrow: don’t tell him, okay? I don’t want to add to his plate. I don’t want him to have to worry about this, too, and I know he will if he finds out about this.”

I make a face. I might be able to keep certain things from my parents, but I hate lying to Ronan, even by omission. The secrets I keep from him related to Adam already keep me up at night. How am I supposed to keep something as big as his brother’s breakup from him? “I’ll try, Stevie. But I don’t want to outright lie to him. What Iwillpromise is that I won’t bring it up to him first. Does that work?”

He exhales deeply. “Yeah, okay. I guess that works. Will you please tell him I said ‘hey?’ The guy keeps his check-ins with my dad to the absolute bare minimum so he can spend all his time talking to you, so I never get a chance to speak with him,” Steve chuckles.

“Do you need me to put him in his place?” I ask with a giggle. “You know I made him reserve time to talk to Shay a couple of weeks ago. I can do the same for you,” I say, smugly tugging at the sleeves of my hoodie as if I’m fixing a cufflink-clad button-up underneath a tailored suit jacket.

Steve laughs. “Only you hold that kind of power over my little brother.”

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