Page 67 of Edge of Unbroken

“Dude, Steve and I got you. And you know Cat wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you, right? Ran, that girl is all yours; you should see her here without you. She misses you so badly. We all do, but Cat especially. It’s so damn obvious. She doesn’t want anyone but you. You can’t worry about this and you don’t have to, I promise. Steve and I are handling Drew.”

“Shane, if I lose Cat right now…” I stop, unable to finish the thought.

“You won’t,” he says. “I know she’s what keeps you going. She knows this, too; everyone does. You’re not going to lose her. She loves you,” he says again. “I don’t think she even sees what Drew’s doing. She doesn’t recognize that he’s trying to pull her away from you. She just thinks he’s being nice. Like when he brought her food on New Year’s when she was a bit too tipsy—”

“What? Jesus Christ, man,” I groan again. “Maybe just handle it and don’t tell me about these things, because honestly, I hate that I have no fucking control over anything.”

“No, listen, it’s all good. I swear, Ran. Trust me, I’m hovering. And Steve’s hovering, too. You don’t need to worry. Please. Just focus on getting better, man, so you can come home soon and be with your girl, okay?”

“Okay,” I sigh. “Thanks, Shay,” I say, feeling deflated. My conversation with Cat definitely didn’t fill up my emotional tank like it has the last couple of weeks. It felt too short and the topics we discussed today were anything but calming. Why does it feel like there are things and people trying to come between us? And it doesn’t help that she isn’t feeling well, and I can’t be there to provide her with any comfort. “Hey, can you do me a favor and stop by Cat’s sometime today? Just kind of check in on her, see if she needs anything?”

“Yeah, of course.” God, he’s such an amazing friend. Always has been. “I’ll stop by there on my way to Murphy’s. Just going to head home and take a quick shower,” he adds, then chuckles. “Fuck, Ran, I didn’t even get a chance to tell you about Chance.”

“What? You didn’t get a chance to tell me about chance?”

Shane chuckles. “No, Chance—he’s a dude I had to hire to take over your shift while you’re gone.”

“Oh, right,” I laugh. “Cat told me the guy is about as useful as a one-legged dude in an ass-kicking contest.”

“Yeah.” Shane laughs out loud. “The guy is fucking worthless. I mean he dropped a tray full of food onto some customers the other day, and I’m not convinced he knows how to do even simple math.”

“Why did you hire him then?” I ask, laughing along with Shane. God, it feels so damn good and normal.

“Uh, because I’m desperate,” Shane huffs. “Man, just hurry up and get better. I need you back here.”

“Missing your workhorse, huh?” I joke.

“Yeah, that and just my best friend. Honestly, it’s not the same without you. It was always shitty when you left for Montana, but it’s worse now because I know you’re hurting and… I’m just so sorry for what you went through, and I’m—”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, you didn’t—”

“Will you just let me get this off my chest, please? I really need to say this to you, okay? You’re like my brother, Ran. I can’t fucking lose you, do you hear me?”

“I hear you!”

“No, really, Ran. I had no idea what was going on in your head, but I saw the damn signs,” he says. “You just kind of disappeared on us. Like, you were there physically, but you weren’t emotionally. You weren’t you. It’s like you faded away… exactly like Liam did before he…”

“I’m sorry, Shay.” I know I’ve put everyone through it, not only while I was in the hospital for a month and a half, but the two or three weeks afterwards when each day it became harder and harder for me to get out of bed, when I started craving more and more time alone and away from the people I care most about. It was such a vicious fucking cycle.

“Please don’t say that, Ran,” he pleads with me. “Don’t apologize for what you’ve been through. Look, I want nothing more than to hammer into your head that we love you, man. I just need you to hang on, okay? Fuck, when Cat told us you had to leave for Montana, and I didn’t get to talk to you before you were just gone… You can’t check out on me, do you understand, Ran?”

“I understand,” I say. “I don’t want to feel like this, trust me. I can’t fucking control it, but I’m trying. I’m trying to claw my way out of this, I promise. I’m sorry I just up and left; it wasn’t really my choice. I’m sorry that you all are having to deal with this shit. I never wanted this.”

Shane sighs, then surprises me when he says, “I’m so damn proud of you for telling someone you were having those thoughts. I know it can’t have been easy saying it out loud, but you did it, Ran. You have so much fight in you.”

“Doesn’t feel like it, honestly,” I admit.

“Yeah, I bet it doesn’t, but that’s because you don’t get our perspective. I mean, you’ve been through fucking hell, and you kept it all hidden inside you. When you were in the hospital…” Shane chokes out. “We didn’t think you were going to come out of it, honestly. Seeing you for the first time in the ICU… I swear my heart stopped. I didn’t even recognize you. But you fought your way back to us, just like you’re fighting your way back to us now. Man, you’re such a badass, Ran. Seriously.”

I don’t respond. I don’t know what to say because I don’t see what Shane sees. All I see and feel is brokenness, but I guess I’m trying to piece myself back together somehow—for their sake and mine.

My grandmother peeks her head into my room without saying a single word, letting me know that my time to talk on the phone is up.

“Shay, I have to let you go; I’m out of time.”

“Alright. I’ll check in on Cat in about an hour or so,” he says.

I exhale deeply. “Thank you. I appreciate you.”

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