Page 59 of Edge of Unbroken

“I’m talking to you,” he says awkwardly.

I can’t help but smile. “I’m really glad you’re talking to me, and you can always come to me, but I meant a professional. I’d say you have something like survivor’s guilt, maybe.”

“How can I have survivor’s guilt when Ran’s still alive?” he asks, a doubtful look on his face.

“Dude, I’m not the professional. But you’re obviously struggling with this, which is understandable. You know there’s no shame in getting help. You don’t have to deal with this all alone.”

“But nothing happened to me. Nothing at all. My mom never hit me. Not once. Ever.”

“You’re wrong though. Somethingdidhappen to you. You saw your brother get hurt by your mom. You were there when… when Ran’s heart stopped. You had to do CPR. You thought he was dead…” It’s still really hard to fathom these things and say them out loud. “That’s trauma, Steve!”

“Yeah, maybe,” he says, though I’m not at all convinced he agrees with me.

“What are you guys doing in here?” Vada asks as she saunters into the kitchen with an empty soda can, which she discards in Shane’s recycling bin.

Steve pushes off the counter. “Just chatting about Ran,” he says, and heads to the living room, leaving Vada and me standing in the kitchen.

Vada watches Steve leave, then raises her eyebrows at me questioningly. I only shrug, then follow Steve to the living room where I take a seat next to Tori, hitching both my legs onto the comfortable sofa.

***

We hang out the next couple of hours, watching TV, just enjoying each other’s company, though I can tell Steve is preoccupied, his eyes unfocused. He looks like his mind is a million miles away. Or maybe just two thousand. He hasn’t been his normal self since Ronan left for Montana, or, actually, since Ronan was in the hospital. It’s exceptionally obvious how much he worries about his little brother, just like Shane worries about his best friend, and I worry about the boy I love most in my life.

“Hey, you guys should ask Shane why he rejected the latest roommate candidate last Tuesday,” Tori randomly says into the room during a slow scene.

“Really, babe?” Shane groans, while Tori grins widely.

Zack laughs. “What was wrong with the guy this time?”

Although Shane has been searching for a roommate since he moved into his two-bedroom apartment seven months ago, it seems he’s rather picky as no potential roommate has met his criteria. I get it—choosing a person to share your private space with is not a simple endeavor, but to be honest, the reasons Shane has turned down the various applicants have become more outlandish. At this point, we’ve basically made a game out of guessing Shane’s latest rationale for saying “no” to a potential roomie who would be able to chip in half of the rent for this apartment. In November, for example, Shane rejected a guy because he didn’t like dogs. That was Shane’s explanation. Except Shane doesn’t have a dog, and I don’t think he’s planning on getting one.

“So, picture this,” Tori says. “Twenty-one-year-old junior at Fordham. He studies business marketing. He looks well-groomed. Doesn’t smell or anything. He works two part-time jobs, so I didn’t get the impression he wouldn’t be able to make rent on time or anything. And go!” she tells us like we’re off to the races.

“Alright, let me take a stab at this,” Summer says. “The guy’s beard was too long. Or too short?”

Tori shakes her head, giggling. “Nope. Keep ’em coming,” she says, looking around at us.

“My turn,” Vada says, her head resting against Steve’s shoulder as she lounges on the gray sofa in Shane’s living room. “Ooh, he wears socks with sandals.”

Laughter erupts in the room. Tori falls against Shane, holding her stomach from laughing so hard, and even Shane’s lips quirk upward. He’s such a good sport about us laughing at his expense.

“His favorite color is fuchsia?” Steve asks.

Tori wheezes but shakes her head.

Zack’s hand shoots up. “I got one: his favorite actor is Nicolas Cage,” he says, and is met by an increase in volume of the guffaws. “I meanthatwould be a good reason.”

Steve gives it another go. “He has a vintage toy collection he’s adamant about displaying in your living room?”

“No, no, he makes puppets out of paper-mache,” Summer says.

At this point Tori’s completely unable to speak, and I have tears streaming down my face.

“Alright, so what was it?” Zack finally asks.

It takes Tori a moment to compose herself. “His name was Brixton,” she says, and promptly dissolves into another fit of laughter.

There’s a stunned silence before a new wave of laughter erupts.

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