Page 5 of Edge of Unbroken

Frank cocks his head at me.

“I have a Christmas present for him,” I say.

Frank smiles. “Yeah, absolutely. I don’t think that would be against Doctor Seivert’s rules.”

I beam at him, then quickly make my way to my room where I grab the small present I already wrapped for Ronan, along with the letter I wrote to him.

“What is it?” Frank asks when I hand him the little box and the envelope. I just shake my head at him, blushing. “I don’t want to say,” I say shyly, and he raises his eyebrows at me.

Penny giggles. “It’s not something inappropriate, is it?”

My face gets even hotter. “Of course not.”

Penny laughs. “Well, you know, some girls send their boyfriends worn underwear,” she continues amusedly.

“Oh god, Penny,” my mom says, also blushing. At least I know where I get it from.

“As much as I’m sure Ran would appreciate that, my mom would probably die of a heart attack,” Frank says and laughs. “Best to stay away from sending things like that.”

My face is positively burning at this point. “I swear it’s nothing like that,” I say, crossing my heart.

“I believe you. I’ll get this sent out,” Frank chuckles.

“Don’t forget to include the letter,” I say quickly.

“I won’t. I promise.”

***

I end up setting the table while my mom chats with Penny and Frank and then we sit, enjoying the lasagna, which came out just perfect. Penny and my mom catch up, and I learn that they were about as close in high school as I am with Vada, Tori, and Summer. They’d spend all their time together, even though my mom was three years older than Penny. They lost touch shortly after my mom graduated high school and moved to North Carolina with my dad, where they got married and had me just a couple of years later.

Penny tells my mom that she went to Syracuse for college and became a teacher. Then she moved to Virginia where she met her soon-to-be ex-husband, Cade.

“I met Frank about three-and-a-half years ago when I went to a military function with Cade,” Penny explains. “And I fell for him pretty much immediately. I can’t say I’m proud of myself for how things happened, but I realized pretty quickly that I wanted to be with Frank. Cade and I separated about a year after that, when it became clear to me that I had serious feelings for Frank,” she says and smiles at Frank, who drapes an arm over her shoulder.

My mom politely asks Frank about Ronan’s mom’s whereabouts, and he explains that, as far as he knows, she’s been holed up with her parents about an hour north of the city pending the trial. He also tells us that his divorce proceedings are in full swing.

“My attorney estimates the divorce to be final in March. There isn’t much to argue over. And custody… well, that’s obviously not going to be a point of contention,” Frank says. I can tell that all this weighs heavily on him. Steve told me that his dad very much blames himself for what happened to Ronan—that if only he hadn’t been gone so much, hadn’t neglected his family, hadn’t called his wife to tell her that he was coming home only to pack his belongings and leave, things may have been different.

“Jen, can I ask your opinion on something?” Penny says, glancing at Frank, and my mom nods. “Originally, the plan was for Frank to stay in Virginia with me, but that was before… well, before Ran got hurt. The circumstances have obviously changed. So, Frank and I have been talking about me moving to New York after this semester ends, but we worry that it’s too soon with everything going on. I don’t want to add more to Ronan’s plate. There’s been so much upheaval. It’s a lot. You’re a psychiatrist, what’s your input on this?” she asks, biting her lower lip.

“Hmm,” my mom muses. “I think you guys should hold off until Ronan’s in a better place and you’ve had a chance to speak with him. I think it’s important that he has some input. He’ll probably be in desperate need of some control in his life, and making a decision like this without giving him a say in the matter could be detrimental to his emotional recovery. And you know, Frank, I would certainly recommend speaking with Ronan’s therapist. She may have some better insight than I can offer since I don’t treat Ronan,” she says warmly.

Frank and Penny agree that this seems like a viable strategy.

I don’t know. Penny is nice, and Frank’s obviously deeply in love with her, but I have my doubts that asking Penny to move in when Ronan’s trauma is still so fresh is a good idea. I wonder if it’s wise to bring this up to him right now or anytime soon, especially if he’s struggling as much as Frank has described. I want… no,needRonan to get better, and the thought of someone—anyone—doing something to set his recovery back even by one day gives me heart palpitations.

Saturday, December 4th

Ronan

I don’t pray to God. I haven’t in alongtime. I mean, I used to, when I was little. I’d pray that my mom would stop hurting me. But if there is a God—and I’m not so sure about that anymore—he, or she, or whatever, left me a long time ago. Clearly, God doesn’t give a shit about me. But last night, I prayed. I prayed that the darkness would lift for a while, that the pain would ease, that I’d see some light.

I’ve barely been able to get out of bed since arriving in Montana, only managing to drag myself to the bathroom. I haven’t stepped even one foot outside of my grandparents’ house. Everything just feels so heavy—my body, my mind. It’s like I’m made of lead.

I spend most of my time sleeping, even during the day, waking only when I’m ripped out of a nightmare or my grandparents force me to eat. But I never feel rested. How is it possible to sleep so much yet be so exhausted?

“With all due respect, Doctor Seivert, whatever you’re trying to do right now, it’s not working,” I overheard my grandmother say to my therapist yesterday during a conference call they had with my dad. It was one of the rare times when I mustered up enough energy to drag myself out of bed, out of my room and down to the living room to get some water from the kitchen, but I lingered on the stairs when I heard my grandmother talking.

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