Page 156 of Edge of Unbroken

Repeat again.

It's not working.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket, swipe to unlock it, and dial Cat’s number. Medicine.

“Hey,” she says when she picks up, her voice like salve to my racing thoughts.

“Talk to me,” I plead, my breathing labored, my voice raw from the stomach acid forcing its way up.

Her breath hitches and she’s quiet for a moment. I know she can tell I’m not okay right now.

“I was thinking we should go to the beach this weekend,” she says. “I know it’s not super warm yet, but the past few days have been so mild, and it would be fun to make some hot dogs over the open fire, don’t you think?”

I close my eyes, letting her voice wash through me. “That sounds nice.”

I’m exhausted already. Not a shocker, I guess, considering I didn’t sleep a lick last night; I was way too damn anxious to rest. The only positive was that I was awake just after midnight to call Shane and wish him a happy nineteenth birthday. I didn’t actually expect him to answer his phone but was so grateful when he did. He stayed on and talked with me for over an hour, trying to alleviate some of my anxiety. The universe really did make up for my shitty parents with the friends it brought into my life. Who needs parents when you have friends who would help you bury a body?

“Maybe I’ll bring that light-blue bikini, and we can hop in the hot tub. Or maybe I’ll let you carry me into the freezing-cold ocean,” she says, making her voice sound lighter than I know she feels.

“Okay.” I’m pretty sure I sound as drained as I feel.

“And afterwards, I think I want to just sit with you, be in your arms, feel your warmth while I run my fingers up and down your arm, maybe kiss your lips here and there to remind you of how much I love you.”

My chest tightens. The words finally break out of me. “I can’t do this, baby.”

“Yes, you can. You’re the strongest person I know, Ran. And you won’t be alone. We’re all there with you. You’re not alone with her. You’ll never have to face her alone ever again. I promise. Where are you right now?”

“On the bathroom floor.”

“What are you doing there?” She’s trying to make a joke.

I manage a tired chuckle. “Throwing up. Really sexy stuff happening over here.”

“Oh, yes, my wildest fantasies coming true,” she says. “Here’s what you’re going to do, sweet boy.” I love it when she calls me sweet boy. “You’re going to get up and brush your teeth. You’re going to remember who the fuck you are, and then you’re going to do this thing and get it over with. I’ll be there the whole time, only feet away from you, and if your mother so much as twitches in your direction, I will choke that bitch.”

That does it. I start to laugh at her, at the image of my perfect girl trying to come to my rescue. Fuck, I love her.

I stand and face the mirror, my pale, worn reflection staring back at me. “Thanks for the pep talk, baby.”

“Anytime. I’ll see you in a little while.”

We hang up and I do as she said. I brush my teeth again, then meet my dad, Penny, and Steve downstairs.

My dad squeezes my arm. “Ready?”

“Nope,” I say, walk out the door, and get into the backseat of my dad’s black Tahoe.

It’s a huge car considering where we live, but given that Steve, my dad, and I are all over six feet tall, a car like this makes sense. We can’t possibly all squeeze into a sedan, which is something my dad realized when Steve and I hit puberty and shot up overnight.

After Cat left last night, my dad spent some time talking to me about what to expect today, how the courtroom was set up, where everyone was sitting. It was his attempt to take some of the unknowns out of the experience, and I’m glad we make the car ride to court in silence today. Steve tries to talk to me a couple of times, but I can’t concentrate, his words flowing right over me as I look out the window.

At court, we’re met by Darren Cooley, the D.A. I spoke with him a few times while I was in Montana. He’s the attorney prosecuting the case and he spent hours yesterday prepping me for my testimony. I’m not sure I can ever be truly prepared for what awaits me, though.

With Darren is a young woman whom he introduces as Rachel Lozano, another deputy D.A.

“She’s just observing,” Darren says, but I get the feeling she’s here to babysit me while I wait—not in the hallway, but in a small room just off to the side of the main courtroom—to be called so I don’t inadvertently have a run-in with my mother.

Rachel whisks me away into seclusion. I don’t like that I didn’t get to see Cat at all. I was hoping to at least catch a glimpse of her before I enter hell, but there goes that hope.

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