Page 135 of Edge of Unbroken

I get up off the sofa and reach for Ronan, resting my hand on his forearm. The creases on his brow soften when he looks at me. “Ran, what do you think will happen if we go to the trial?” I want to understand him, feel what he’s feeling, and above all, make him feel better.

It takes him a moment to respond while we all stay quiet, analyzing him. I can tell he’s worked up and uncomfortable. I feel guilty. He got back to us ten minutes ago and already we’re bringing up traumatic things.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. And that’s what scares me. I can’t have you guys acting differently around me. Ineedyou to just keep things normal. You guys have always been the only stability in my life. I can’t lose that.” His breathing is heavy, like he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack.

I get it now. He’s afraid we’ll treat him differently, or worse, abandon him. I know without a shadow of doubt that would never happen. But he doesn’t know that; he’s never been safe, and he’s afraid of losing the only predictable, secure thing he’s ever had—us.

“I love you,” I say. His eyes meet mine. “Nothing will change that. Nothing your sorry excuse for a mother ever did to you will change the way I feel about you. Hearing what you’ve been through will never change that. Okay, it might make me love you more, if that’s even possible.” I mutter that last part, then speak up again. “And I know the same goes for every single one of us here.”

“We got you, Ran,” Shane says.

“We really do,” Vada says.

Zack nods. “Yeah, man. Forever and ever in sickness and in health, and all that.”

A smile tugs at Ronan’s lips. He sighs. “Fine. Do what you want. I clearly can’t stop you, even though I wish I could. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. And if you so much as start to tiptoe around me or be all weird and shit, I’m going to lose it,” he says. “Man, I’ve been back five seconds and already I need a fucking drink.”

Shane grins, punching Ronan’s shoulder playfully. “It’s because we love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Ronan says and turns to me. “I’ll be right back.”

I watch him walk into the house and out of my sight.

“Wow, way to make this intense, asshole,” Steve says to Zack.

“Sorry, I didn’t think Vada would start talking about the trial and all that. You guys are still going though, right?” Zack asks.

“Of course!” Tori says. “I think it’ll be good for Ronan to know we’re there, and we obviously want to support you guys, too,” she says to Zack, Steve, and Shane, all of whom were already forewarned that they’d be subpoenaed to testify.

“I have to say, I’m scared to hear what happened to Ran. Like, really,reallyfinding out about it,” Vada says, an anxious expression on her face.

I get queasy thinking about it. “Me, too,” I say. “But I feel like I need to know.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Shane says resolutely.

I look toward the house and don’t spot Ronan through the glass sliding doors. “I’m going to go check on him.”

“Sounds good,” Shane says.

***

I make my way into the house, stopping in the living room. It’s an open space with an unobstructed view into the kitchen. My heart lurches joyfully at the sight of Ronan leaning against the counter. He’s such a gorgeous male specimen.

“Already drinking all your sorrows away?” I say softly, noting the unopened bottle of whiskey on the counter next to him.

His head snaps around at the sound of my voice, a smile on his lips the moment he lays eyes on me. I love his smile. I move toward him and wrap my arms around his waist.

He pulls me close. “No. Not yet,” he chuckles. “I was thinking about it, but I’m trying to be better about sitting with the discomfort and grounding myself or whatever,” he says, releasing me from his hold only to search my eyes. “How are you doing, baby?”

I know he’s referring to everything that’s going on with Adam. “I don’t know,” I say and take a moment to think. Ronan doesn’t interject. “Scared, but also relieved… a little.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It… it felt heavy. Not telling you and…”

He nods. “I get that. Secrets like that, they eat away at you.” There’s sadness in his green eyes. “I wish you had told me, though. Before you sent him pictures of you.”

A heavy silence settles around us. I swallow the painful lump forming in my throat as tears burn at the back of my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ran,” I croak. “I… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix this. I just… I was so scared he’d post the photos on the internet. Ran, I feel so, so ashamed. I felt ashamed then and I feel even worse now. And I… I’m so scared of losing you. I love you. I’ve never felt this way. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I say as the tears slowly roll down my cheeks.

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