Page 11 of A Silent Reckoning

She straightened and looked at Jozef.

“If you do this, I will hate you.” She enunciated each word, hoping this was the one thing she could say to him to get through.

It wasn’t.

His gaze turned pitying and he shook his head.You won’t. You aren’t capable of hate.

She laughed bitterly. “Of course I’m capable of hate. Any human being can be pushed to hate.” When he didn’t respond, she added, “You’re forcing me into an impossible situation. If you do this, I won’t be able to forgive you.”

It’s done. You have no choice but to accept the situation, and hopefully, one day, forgive me.

He looked sad to be causing her pain but determined. He wasn’t going to change course. The plane lifted off the runway, startling Shaun. She turned in her seat to watch the Montréal airport falling away beneath them. The more distance they travelled, the higher they climbed, the more agitated Shaun felt. Like something was trying to claw its way up her throat.

“No,” she moaned, shaking her head and trying to stop the rush of nausea that threatened. She turned accusing eyes to Jozef. “If you love me, you won’t do this.”

He looked like she’d slapped him again, only worse. Guilt flashed across his face, followed by genuine remorse. But none of it replaced the determined set to his jaw and shoulders. No matter how she felt, he was still going to do this.

“My mother,” she sobbed, the tears overflowing onto her cheeks.

Thinking about her mother was a whole other layer of pain that threatened to cripple Shaun. She moaned and wrapped her arms around herself, rocking in her seat. Her mother was going to be devastated. Shaun’s first kidnapping and subsequent recovery had been as hard on Fatima as it had been on her daughter. She’d been there every step of the way with Shaun when she was forced to relearn how to live, how to survive without Jozef, how to resolve her feelings surrounding the kidnapping.

Fatima had held Shaun while she cried, had listened to the words spilling from her daughter’s mouth. Had patiently lent an ear to all of Shaun’s misery. And now she would find out her daughter had been taken again.

As if reading her distress, Jozef reached for her.

Shaun pushed his hands away, not wanting him to touch her. He hadn’t earned the right to touch her, to comfort her.

She had to get up. She couldn’t stay in her seat. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t settle down. Her world was falling away beneath her feet and the hardened soldiers who were the cause of her distress could do nothing except stare at the floor and try to swallow their shame. Well, she wasn’t going to let them. They would damn well know exactly what they were complicit in.

Her fingers scrambled over her seatbelt until she was finally able to get it unbuckled. She leapt to her feet and flung herself away from Jozef, toward the front of the plane. He launched himself out of his seat, reaching for her, probably afraid she was going to do something stupid like open the door.

Instead of fighting him, she stood stiffly in his embrace, forcing him to make the next move. Gradually his muscles relaxed and he eased his grip, allowing her to step away from him. He placed himself between her and the cabin door. She didn’t care. She might be angry, devastated, completely crushed, but she wasn’t suicidal.

“Don’t you have mothers?” she demanded accusingly, staring around at Jozef’s team. “Do you have any idea what this will do to my mother? This will kill her.”

At first no one said anything. She could feel the heat of Jozef’s body at her back.

“It won’t kill her,” Havel finally answered, his eyes lifting to hers. “I’ve spent the past year observing both of you. She’s a strong woman. Persistent. She won’t give up on you.”

“Is that what you think?” she snarled, impatiently swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “And she can’t have a heart attack while she’s holding out hope? She won’t collapse under the stress? Maybe bankrupt herself while she searches for me? You haven’t just ruined my life; you’ve taken hers as well.”

Havel dropped his gaze, nodding his head slowly. “I’m sorry, Doc.”

Shaun wanted to yell at him, but he wasn’t the right target. Havel was following orders. She was fairly certain that if it was up to him, she would’ve stayed in Canada and their paths would’ve never again crossed.

She whirled to give Jozef the most accusing glare she could manage. “I want to call my mother. Right. Fucking. Now.”

Jozef’s eyes were hard chips of ice. He wasn’t going to let her call. When he lifted his hands to sign his refusal to her, she stepped away from him, shaking her head. She wouldn’t listen. She didn’t have to. She didn’t care if she was being an asshole by ignoring his signs; didn’t care if she cut him off. He was the bigger asshole for kidnapping her. Again.

“You either let me call my mother or I will spend every waking minute of my life trying to find a way to leave.”

Anger flared in his eyes at her ultimatum. His muscles tightened, as though he was about to grab her. Shaun held her ground, glaring at him. This time she didn’t interrupt when he signed his response.

You will not threaten me in front of my men.

“Why?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are you going to kill me? Hold a gun to my head?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t, because she was right; he wasn’t going to do any of the things she mentioned. He’d promised he wouldn’t, and he didn’t break his promises. At least, not to her.

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