Page 71 of Born a Queen

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Raina studied herself in the mirror of her make up table. To her eyes she looked different. Drawn. More serious. Even if her body didn't reflect it, she was altered. She felt as though she'd grown up overnight.

Raina had always thought herself more mature than her classmates growing up. She'd reined in Cass's impetuosity and helped organize Noah. She helped her parents on the farm. She was a responsible person. Yet she clung to her youth and some of her immaturity. She was only twenty-one, she shouldn't have to grow up so fast.

Mateo, he was older… she didn't know how much. She’d never asked him. She figured late thirties. There was something about him, something that didn't make the age gap such a big deal. But now, she felt as though the years were impossible to breach. His life experience, who he was as a person, had stomped all over her, showing her exactly how young she was. How not ready for this world she was.

She had to leave. She had no choice. She couldn't allow a repeat of what they’d done and she could no longer consent to marriage with a person like him. One day, she would piss him off again and they would find themselves back there in the bunker, in the same place. He would hurt her again, and again, and again, until she couldn't take it anymore. She would become Casey under Ignacio Hernandez’s regime. She would become Elvira under Tony Montana's ownership. Raina would not allow that to happen.

She didn't feel the tears until she looked up at herself in the mirror. She touched her face as they dripped down her cheeks. She would allow herself to mourn this one night only, then she needed to get back to herself so that she could find a way out.

She pushed away from the makeup table and strode towards the bathroom stripping her clothes off as she went.

Raina took a hot shower that lasted nearly forty minutes. She scrubbed herself clean, washed her hair twice and shaved every inch of her body. Just because she was traumatized didn't mean she couldn't take care of herself.

She pulled on her cami top and a pair of pajama bottoms and slid beneath her sheets. Though she wasn't afraid of the dark she decided to sleep with the light on; being able to see when she woke up would be comforting. She wouldn't have to worry about monsters in the dark.

* * *

Raina didn't come to Mateo’s room, not that he expected her to, but he'd hoped. He should've known better though. What he’d done to her, anywhere else in the world it would be unforgivable. Even to him and his moral code it was unforgivable. Yet, he made no apologies.

It had been necessary to wake her up to the realities of their world. Raina was reckless. He'd allowed her those two years to establish her independence, but she got herself hurt. Here at the estate, she was attempting to control their home, to control him. She was taking more frequent trips out and chafing under the required security measures. He needed her to understand that he was the boss. He would always be the boss.

He needed to frighten her into listening to him without hesitation, without exception. She couldn't be her usual argumentative self if they ever came under fire. If they were attacked, she would need to react without thought, which meant obeying her master. Her husband. Mateo.

Yet, he hadn't thought he had it in him to actually hurt her. And it destroyed a piece of him, a piece he'd been holding onto for her sake. It was the part of Mateo that wanted a normal relationship, a normal civilized love. He was obsessed with this woman, but her safety had to come first. Even if that meant her safety came above her human rights.

With that last thought he left his room and strode down the hall toward hers. When he opened the door, he found her sound asleep in her bed, curled on her side with the light on. A shock of pain pierced him as he realized she was probably sleeping with the light on because she was scared of him. He’d become her monster in the dark.

The thought gutted him, and he continued to stand in her doorway looking at her as he brought his emotions under control.

He couldn't allow this to fester though. If he did, it would change the direction of his actions and he knew he was in the right. They didn't inhabit the regular world of rules and laws, they lived in the underworld. Where people died, they disappeared and loved ones mourned. He would not allow that to happen to Raina.

He scooped her off the bed and turned on his heel, striding back to his bedroom. She woke up as they were halfway down the hall and began to struggle in his arms. Her eyes were half open, her focus bleary.

"Wh - what are you doing?" she protested groggily.

Before she could begin fighting in earnest, he set her on the bed and turned to close and lock the door. She scrambled off the bed and flung herself to the opposite side of the room, her chest heaving in fear, her pupils dilated as she stared at him.

He realized immediately what she thought was going to happen. He lifted his hands and approached her slowly. "I'm not going to hurt you."

She angrily swiped at a tear that dripped from her eye. "I don't believe you."

"When have I ever lied to you, Raina?" he asked quietly.

"You said you would protect me, but you didn’t, you hurt me."

"I know you can't understand right now, but by hurting you I am protecting you.” He tried to approach her, but she jumped away and hit the wall behind her so hard she winced. He stopped moving so she wouldn’t accidentally hurt herself. “I told you that I would make decisions in your best interest; even the ones you don’t want me to make.”

"Fuck you!" she snarled. "You don't get to tell me you know what's best for me after doing something like that. You… you… disgusting excuse for a man."

He gritted his teeth against her accusation, reminding himself that anger was not the way to go. He had allowed his anger to rein free in the bunker and now he would have to deal with the fallout.

"You need to calm down, Raina. This is your reality. You are my wife and you will sleep in my bedroom. I give you my word, I won't touch you. It’ll be like our first night together."

“I’m not your wife.” Raina eyed him, then the door.

"I won't let you leave this room. We can stand here all night if that's what you want, but you’re not walking out that door before morning."

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