Page 26 of The Oni's Heart

Ashes in the Wind

TATSUYA

When she pulled away, her breath coming in shallow gasps, her eyes were wide, her chest heaving, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just done. Neither could I. My heart raced, my pulse hammering in my ears.

"I… I shouldn’t have done that," she said, her voice strained, but there was a flicker of something else there—regret, confusion, maybe even something more vulnerable than she was willing to admit.

I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? She was drunk, and this—this moment—was nothing but a spark in the dark, an impulse.

But I couldn’t ignore how she’d looked at me after. She hadn’t pushed me away when I caught her. She had leaned in as if she couldn’t keep herself from it.

For a long moment, neither of us moved. The space between us had closed, but the tension—raw, thick, undeniable—hung inthe air, waiting to break. Her breath was shallow, her body tense, and all I could focus on was how close she was, the heat of her skin almost searing me.

“You don’t get it, do you?” she whispered, her voice trembling, a mix of frustration and something darker. "You don’t get what you just walked into, monk. I’m not who you think I am."

Her words cut through the air, and I could feel the sting of them—an accusation, a warning. And maybe she was right—maybe I didn’t get it. But the truth was, I didn’t need to. I could feel the weight of everything unsaid between us, the volatile mix of emotions bubbling beneath the surface, and all I wanted was to push through it. To close the distance between us, to understand why everything had shifted so suddenly.

But as I stood there, so close to her, I could feel the regret, the ache of a kiss we shouldn’t have shared, of a moment that had never been meant to happen. It was wrong—all of it—and yet, I couldn’t shake the memory of her lips against mine. The heat. The desperation. That moment should have been the end of it, but instead, it had become a poison that kept creeping back into my thoughts. I hated myself for wanting more. I hated that I couldn’t turn it off, that my body still burned for her, even though I knew I had crossed a line that I should never have crossed.

"Maybe I don’t," I muttered, my voice low, my chest tight. "But I’m starting to think I don’t care."

She recoiled, as if my words had physically struck her. "You think youdon’t care?" Her voice shook, fury replacing the uncertainty, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. "You have no idea what it means to care about someone like me."

I took a step forward, a breath catching in my throat, my body heat rising with her proximity—a living flame.

“And maybe I don’t need to,” I said, the words harsh, but they weren’t all truth. “But what Idoknow is that this—” I gestured between us, “—thischanges everything.”

Her eyes flashed with something dangerous, something sharp, and before I could stop it, she stepped into my space, her chest brushing against mine in a way that made my heart race, but also made my stomach twist in a knot.

“Don’t tell methischanges things,” she hissed, her voice low and dangerous. “You kissed me back.Youkissed me like I was someone you could have—like I was something you could just take.”

Her words struck deep, and I couldn’t deny it. She was lashing out, shifting blame in the form of manipulation. But I had kissed her back, and I had wanted it just as much as she had. But now, facing the consequences, facing the weight of it all, I hated myself for it. I had no right. I had no place in her life, no place in her world. I was a monk. I was supposed to be above this.Above her.

But the truth was, I wasn’t.

“I shouldn’t have,” I growled, the regret and guilt rising to the surface akin to bile. “But you—youmade it impossible to walk away. The way you fought me, the way you—” I cut myself off, too furious, too conflicted to finish. But the anger, the frustration, the hunger—it was all spilling out now.

She laughed bitterly, the sound cutting through the tension. "You think Imadeyou do anything? You’re fooling yourself, monk. I didn’t make you do anything. You did that.”

I shook my head, fighting the surge of emotion, the magnetic pull between us that seemed to be drawing us closer instead of pushing us apart.It shouldn’t have happened.I shouldn’t want her.But the truth was, I did. And in a small way, like her, I blamed her for it.

“I can’t pretend it doesn’t matter,” I admitted, my voice quieter now, edged with frustration. “But I can’t be the one you need either. Not after…Youdon’t need a monk. You need?—”

“What?” She cut me off, her eyes wild, her chest rising and falling with every breath. “What do I need? Someone to fix me? Someone to save me? Is that what you think I need? Because if that’s it, then your observation skills suck.”

I couldn’t answer. The words stuck in my throat, because the truth was, I didn’t know what she needed. But I knew what I wanted. And that was the part that terrified me the most.

For a moment, we just stood there, the space between us crackling with the weight of everything we couldn’t say. I could feel her body still trembling, could see her eyes flickering between anger and something else—something dangerous, somethingforbidden.

I wanted to step back, wanted to keep my distance, to let the walls go back up. But I was already too deep. The kiss was still there, branded on my lips.

And as much as I told myself I should walk away, my bodywouldn’tlet me.

Every inch of me burned with something I couldn’t control, and it was drawing me closer to the danger I knew we both had no business stepping into.

But then the voice of my father echoed in my mind, that voice I’d fought so hard to bury. It whispered in the dark, reminding me of the toxic lessons I had learned from him.Push her. Make her angry. It’s the only way to make her walk away. If she’s angry enough, she’ll leave you alone. Leave you to your peace.

That was what I needed, wasn’t it? Peace. Distance. I couldn’t have her. Ishouldn'thave her. I was a monk, sworn to a life of detachment, of suppression. But with every breath she took, with every inch she closed between us, I felt the hold of that promise slipping away.

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