Page 19 of The Oni's Heart

I couldn’t look at him. My throat tightened, and I forced myself to breathe evenly, as if the air could calm the storm swirling inside me. But I couldn’t ignore the feeling of his fingers lingering in the space where my skin had met his.

"I..." My voice faltered. I wasn’t sure if I was angry, scared, or just completely thrown off balance. "Don’t."

The word hung in the air, fragile and sharp, and I saw something in his eyes flicker—regret, maybe, or confusion. But it wasn’t enough to stop him from stepping forward again.

And again, I took another step back, my instincts warning me to stay out of reach.

I saw it then—something dark flickering behind his eyes, something wild, something chaotic. A storm was brewing in there, a turbulence that pulled at the edges of his calm. For a second, it was as if I was staring at a mirror, seeing the very thing I’d tried so hard to hide—my own rage, my own desperation, the mess I never let anyone see.

The realization punched me in the gut. The familiarity of it, the rawness of it—it scared me. I wasn’t sure what was worse: the fact that I recognized it or the fact that it was in him.

“Don’t you dare,” I snapped, my voice rising before I could stop it. “Don’t you dare try to play some game with me, Tatsuya. You think I can’t see through this? You think I’m just going to sit here and let you mess with my head?”

I took a step forward, my chest tightening with anger. “I don’t need your help, and I don’t need whatever the hell this is! You don’t get to drag me into your mess. You don’t get to touch me and pretend this means anything.”

His expression faltered, but I didn’t care. I was too angry now. Too afraid.

Without thinking, I turned and ran. My feet slapped against the pavement as I pushed myself faster, harder, trying to escape the suffocating weight of everything that was happening. But nomatter how far I ran, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something inside me—the part of me that I hated—was still there, lurking in him.

11

Drowning in the Dark

TATSUYA

Icould feel the tension in my chest, the weight pressing down on me harder than I ever expected. I had been training with the monks all morning, yet it was like none of it was sinking in. The usual calm I felt within these walls—the peace that had always eluded me outside—was slipping away from me, leaving nothing but frustration. The other monks had begun to notice it too, their eyes following me, their silent whispers trailing behind me reminiscent of sticky ichor.

"Something is off with you today, Tatsuya," one of them said, his voice gentle but laced with concern.

I didn’t answer. How could I? What was I supposed to say? That I couldn’t stop thinking about her? AboutMomoi? My mind kept replaying the moment she looked at me, her eyes full of anger and confusion.

I needed to get away. The walls of the temple were closing in on me, suffocating me. I needed space, air, anything to clear my head. So I slipped outside, making my way to the small garden that bordered the temple. The sight of the quiet pond and theswaying bamboo should’ve calmed me, but instead, the more I breathed in the cool air, the more I felt my anger gnaw at me.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her.God, Momoi—what mess had she gotten herself tangled in this time? Every thought of her sharply twisted a blade in my gut, a reminder that I hadn’t been able to protect her—not the way I wanted to. Her survival instincts kicked in, and she lashed out like cornered prey. I had seen it plenty growing up around my mother’s friends. What little friends she was able to have in her line of work.

But I had gone to save Momoi, hadn’t I? At least, that’s what I told myself. But the moment I reached out to touch her, to offer some sort of comfort, she pulled away as if I was the enemy. Her eyes threw daggers in my direction. Anger. Fear. Confusion. All mixed into one violent storm that I couldn’t understand.

Why was she angry at me? Atme—the one person who’d been trying to help her, to keep her safe from whatever nightmare she had woven around herself? She turned her back and fled like I was the last person she ever wanted to see.

I hadn’t been able to control myself. I’d just wanted to touch her—comfort her—but the moment my fingers grazed her arm and her immediate reaction, a fuse had gone off in me. My rage flared up out of nowhere, the anger I’d spent years trying to suppress surging to the surface. It was as if all the walls I’d built around myself had crumbled in an instant. Andshehad ignited it. Her rejection, her fear—it was all too much.

I couldn’t make sense of it. I was supposed to be in control, always. That’s what I’d been taught, what I’d drilled into my own mind. But in that moment, none of it mattered. I had lost control—lost control of my emotions, lost control of myself.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I clenched my fists, and took a sharp breath, trying to calm myself. But the more I replayed the moment, the more my anger flared akin to wildfire. And worse... there was a part of me thatwantedto feelthat way. There was a part of me that didn’t want the anger to stop, because underneath it all was something else—something that terrified me.

I craved her presence. I wanted to feel her near me again despite everything. It didn’t matter how she looked at me, blaming me for all her problems. Even though she ran from me as if I was some kind of threat. I hated it. I hated how she made me feel things I had no business feeling.

I wanted to scream, but instead, I stood there, hands trembling at my sides. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just let her go? Why couldn’t I just focus on what I had to do here, what was important?

But all I could think about was Momoi. And it pissed me off. She was a distraction I couldn’t afford, yet she was everywhere, lodged in the back of my mind, clawing its way to the surface, making me lose focus, making me... angry.

The monks were probably right. Something was wrong with me today. But I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know how to shake her off—how to forget the way her skin felt under my fingertips or how her eyes flashed with something I couldn’t name before she ran.

I gritted my teeth, frustrated with myself, frustrated with her, frustrated with everything. But no matter how hard I tried to push it away, the desire to see her again, to be near her was a magnetic pull beyond comprehension.

And that thought scared me more than anything.

I took a deep breath, grounding myself, forcing my body to relax with each inhale. I lost track of time, staring into the distance. The cool night air filled my lungs, and I let it sit there for a moment, savoring the stillness of the garden. One breath at a time, I pushed the chaos of the day—her—to the back of my mind. The anger, the confusion, the burning need to just…touchher, to make her see something I wasn’t sure I even understood myself.

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