Page 80 of Bound and Blitzed

“Yeah,” she agrees. “We did. Which makes this part harder. But I don’t want to be with you and not be all in. And I don’t want you to resent me down the road.”

“I could never resent you,” I whisper. Again, this reminds me of my past with Mila because at one point, I did resent her. Not for the same reasons Valentina is suggesting, but the truth is, when one person feels stifled, bitterness builds. While I should give Valentina props for recognizing that, right now, my ego is too fucking wounded to admit it.

Valentina doesn’t reply to that. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“Fine,” I say, moving toward the bathroom. “I’m flying out tomorrow morning. Why don’t you stay in Chicago with your family for a few days? I’ll make sure my shit is moved out and at my sister and Cohen’s place before you get back.”

“Okay,” Valentina agrees.

“Okay,” I repeat, still fucking shocked that this is the conversation we’re having.

I showed up in Chicago to surprise my wife and have a night out with her. Instead, we’re taking a fucking break and I regret coming at all.

I’m exhausted when I wake in the morning.

I reach for Valentina—it’s a fucking habit—but her side of the bed is cold. Sighing, I see the sticky note on the bedside table.

Avery, I went to Pilates with my sister. I’ll see you back in Knoxville. Thanks for being so understanding. Lena

Wow. She’s not even going to say good-bye. That’s a low fucking blow.

Pissed off and keyed up, I shove my shit into my backpack, text Cohen, and head to the airport.

Thoughts plague me for the entire flight to Knoxville.

Does she need this time for herself, or is it already over and she’s letting me down easy?

Is it better if she goes on this research trip with no distractions? With nothing holding her back?

Does she view me as holding her back? Hell, am I?

I hate that I feel so unsteady in my marriage when a week ago, I felt like I was on top of the world. How did everything flip so fast? And what does it say about the foundation of our marriage, about my love for Valentina, if spending a weekend with her family could change her mind so quickly?

When I arrive at our condo, I move through the space quickly. It’s quiet and dark and her belongings feel like shadows of her.

It’s a haunting throwback to the early days of our marriage, when I didn’t know how to act around her and she didn’t know how to let me in.

I thought we were past that but clearly, I was wrong.

Chapter24

Valentina

I spendtwo more nights in Chicago with my family, but I don’t enjoy my time the way I thought I would. Instead, guilt plagues me.

I hate that I hurt Avery. It kills me that I don’t know what I want from him anymore. Confusion and sadness riddle my mind and make a mess of my emotions. It’s worse when I arrive home and note the stillness of the condo. He’s already gone.

Avery packed a bag, moved in with Raia and Cohen, and left me all alone, just like I asked. Even now, he’s doing what he thinks I want. The fact that the empty condo didn’t fill me with relief like I anticipated baffles me.

My thoughts are a fucking mess, and I don’t know which way is up. What am I doing?

That night, I cry myself to sleep.

I cry for Avery. For our marriage. For myself.

Already, I miss him. I miss the scent of his cologne and the way he would hold me when he slid into bed at night. I miss his deep gray eyes and the rumble of his laugh. I miss his questions about my research and the team dynamics he would share over dinner.

Part of me wants to call him, apologize, and beg him to come home. But after all the hell I put him through, I know I can’t do that. Not when he has the playoffs to focus on. He’s the team captain. And right now, I’m an emotional ticking timebomb about to embark on my own trip.

---