Page 79 of Bound and Blitzed

“But I also loved having this time with my family.”

“Good. You’re supposed to,” I point out. “I like hanging with my family too.”

She breaks eye contact and looks down at her toes. “I’m not sure if my family is ever going to accept you or accept us.”

“It was one holiday, Lena,” I point out. “We’ve barely scratched the surface. We’ve hardly even tried.”

“But shouldn’t it be easier?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Sometimes.”

“Well, was it easier with Mila?” she asks, sounding genuinely curious and not at all upset or jealous by my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.

The mention of Mila pulls me up short. I narrow my eyes as my mind spins, turning over various scenarios. I dislike every single one, but they give me pause.

Is being with Valentina like my shit with Mila? Mila was all I knew until one day, I knew I needed more. I needed experiences and challenges and—something different. We were too young.

Valentina never had that chance. She’s been with Dane. And me. Does she want more? Will she resent me if she doesn’t have the time to search for it?

Is that what her parents pointed out this weekend? Did they encourage her to make sure that I’m it by considering the things she’s giving up?

“Well?” she presses.

I think back to Mila’s parents. They welcomed me with open arms and for years, she also felt like a permanent fixture in my family.

“No.” I shake my head. “It wasn’t like this with Mila. But we were also fifteen when we started dating.”

“Yeah,” Valentina whispers. “That’s true.”

I stare at her, but she doesn’t add more.

“Lena, what’s going on?” I grasp at straws. “How the hell am I supposed to travel for the playoffs or focus on my game when I don’t know what the hell is happening in my marriage?”

At that, something sparks in Valentina’s eyes. “I think you should focus on football.”

“What?”

She nods, as if confirming her thoughts to herself. “I’m going on the field research trip, and you have the playoffs coming up. Right now, my head is a mess, Avery. I’m sorry. I really am. But I think we should take a break.”

“A break?”

She nods. “I feel like things happened so fast. That every time I come up for air, there’s something new. The highs feel so high but the lows, like right now, feel devastatingly low. My family’s reaction to you, Christmas Day, it was awful. It’s like I’m on a roller coaster and I can’t get off.”

While I’m relieved she’s being honest with me, I also don’t agree with her sentiments. “It feels like you’re quitting without giving this a real shot.”

Tears fill Valentina’s eyes and she shakes her head. “I’m not quitting, Avery. I’m asking for some time, some space. A break. It’s just, I want to be sure of us before we keep moving down this path. Having some time away from Knoxville, I don’t feel as certain as I did. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I think it’s better we take a pause now, and really think things through.”

Fuck. She spends a few days with her family and already, they’ve shaken up her confidence in me. I hate that she doesn’t trust me enough to know that what we share is real. But I guess that’s the heart of the issue, isn’t it? No one in my life truly trusts me—not when it counts.

Swearing softly, I nod. “Fine. This is what you want?”

“Yes,” Valentina says softly. “You need to focus, home in, on football. And I need to be fully present for my field research trip. Let’s just take a beat, slow down, and once I get back from the trip, see where we stand. Talk about what we truly want for our future. This started out as an arrangement, Avery.”

“I know that,” I bite out.

“We never meant to fall in love with each other.”

“But we did,” I plead, wanting her to understand how I feel. Right now, she’s ripping out my fucking heart.

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