Page 7 of Swan

I had always wanted to find out why.

But was the risk of humiliating myself worth an answer?

That was even if he would tell me or see me.

“It’s not the right place,” I told her, lifting my gaze. I shook my head as I pressed a hand to my anxious stomach. “I can’t do it.”

She reached out and took my hand in both of hers. “I love you, Swan. You’re like a sister to me. But I’m worried about you. You move through life like there’s nothing outside of books. There is. You just have to make the effort to find it.”

Ouch.

“You think I’m hiding in books to protect myself from actual hurt?” Didn’t she think I’d been hurt enough when Lockland cut me out?

She shook her head. “I think you’re already hurt, and you’ve let that run your life.”

Ouch again.

I glanced away as tears welled.

Her words were more painful to hear because they were true.

Books didn’t hurt me.

Reading didn’t confuse me.

Fiction wasn’t real.

“I’m sorry, Swan. That was horrible of me to say.”

“It’s not when it’s true,” I whispered.

I’m not living even when I’m alive.

I drew in a deep breath, and let it out shakily as I nodded. “All I can do is try.”

Maya bobbed her head with hope shining in her eyes.

“All right. We’ll go. When is it?” At least I had time to prepare. Not that I knew how.

She bit her bottom lip and raised her brows. I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. “In an hour.”

I froze.

With Maya’s hand still in mine, she pulled me out of my seat. “Let’s go see what you can wear.”

“An hour?” I asked.

She led me into the living room just as I heard the buzzer on the oven. I pulled my hand free and spun back to the kitchen.

“Can’t go. Cookies. Eat.” I raced off.

My heart wanted me to vomit it out.

I wasn’t ready after all.

Nope. Not at all.

The strength I had moments ago had disappeared, and I wasn’t going to get it back.

---