Page 72 of Out to Find Freedom

Say what the fuck now?

“Serious?”

“Yes. It sounds bad, but I don’t think it was.” She coughed. “I did stop watching you for a while because I was worried it was for the wrong reason.”

I picked up my drink. “What do you mean, darlin’?”

She leaned forward. “I liked watching you a lot because I was very attracted to you.” Fuck me, my chest puffed. To stop my cocky smirk, I took a gulp of Coke. But she went on, and I didn’t expect what she’d say. “Then I got very turned on when I saw you have sex with that woman. I wished it had been me.”

I sprayed my drink over the table and Emmie, then coughed up what felt like a lung. I pounded my fist against my chest. “What?”

She patted at her face with her napkin. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Oh God, why did I say that? And it’s our first date. I’ve just ruined it. I should have left it alone. But you asked.” She threw her hand my way and then dabbed at the table with her napkin. “Really, it’s your fault. I’m nervous, flustered, can’t believe I’m here with you, and I felt comfortable, which I also couldn’t believe, so I just said it.” She glared up at me. “Why do you make me nervous and comfortable all at the same time?”

“Because you like me.”

She paused her dabbing. The blush reappeared. “I’m sorry for—”

“Baby doll, don’t want to hear it. I like the thought of you watchin’ me because you’re attracted to this mug.”

“But I invaded your privacy.”

“Thatwe’ll talk on another time. Still, want you to know for now so you don’t stress, I get why you watched. I’m turned on to know you got off on watching me and wishin’ it was you. But we’ll talk more about it another day.”

“Why?” she whispered.

I shifted in my seat and adjusted my hardened dick. “It’s my understanding you’ve never been touched.”

She looked everywhere but at me. Still, she shook her head.

“Then I want you to understand I’m gonna take my time in this. Already see this’ll go somewhere between us, so we need to take it slow, get used to it. Already my body reacts to your looks, to what you say. It ain’t really the place for that to be going on. Usually I wouldn’t give a shit, but when we’re taking this slow because I want this to last, then we gotta talk about that sorta stuff another time.”

She looked shocked with her wide eyes, but also pleased with her small smile.

I chuckled. “Let’s enjoy our first dinner together, yeah?”

“Yes, Ryan.”

I’d take care of Emmie because she deserved it. We wouldn’t rush into this. We’d take our time, make sure it’d last like I already felt I wanted it to deep down in my core. And she didn’t seem fazed that I’d told her that either.

Goddamn, I was a lucky motherfucker.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Emerson

My feelings for Ryan were cemented inside of me. It had only been a couple of months, but I knew I was completely in love with him. If it was crazy, then so be it, but every time I called him, saw him, my heartbeat shot straight to erratic. Even if I got a text from him, I would smile, my body would warm, and happiness consumed me.

We’d shouted at each other a few times over stupid things, but I always felt safe, felt like I could be myself. I wanted to share my opinion, even if he didn’t agree with it.

He could annoy me, make me angry, but I still loved him.

I hadn’t told him, and I wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it. I wasn’t even sure I was ready to share it.

No matter, I knew how I felt and was happy.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. I was back to the weight I had been and more. Since Ryan was showing any moment to pick me up for a lunch date and the weather was still warm, I dressed in a light sleeveless summer dress.

Ryan had taught me to love myself. He gave me the strength to do so and not care about what other people thought. Of course, it took time to come to that conclusion, and I struggled along the way, but I got there. It was also so Ryan would promise to try and stop worrying about the age difference. He’d brought up how concerned he was about it, and his worry about if something happened to him, and he left me alone. He didn’t want to tell me at first, but he confessed it late one night when we’d been lying in bed together. I’d rolled into him and told him how I couldn’t waste my time worrying about something thatcouldhappen. I wanted to enjoy the time we had together, no matter how long it was. No one could predict the future, so it was best to make the most of it.

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