Page 62 of Out to Find Freedom

Even when I wished Ryan would be my first.

Which was crazy, because I hardly knew him, and yet I still felt like I did.

Maybe it was because of all of the time I’d spent watching him without him noticing me. Though, honestly, I couldn’t deny my attraction to the man. Right from the start, even with all the men I’d seen, Ryan had stood out above them all. Was it just attraction leading my heart and mind? I didn’t know, but I wanted to find out what orifwe could be something to each other.

I would have to wait and see if he messaged back, but I refused to stay up all night thinking about it all.

Closing my eyes, I listened to the music and hoped it would take me into slumber.

Eventually it did, but the dream I had didn’t help.

It was of Ryan and me out on his back deck. We were drinking, talking, and I braved it enough to approach him sitting on his chair. I straddled his thighs and told him he’d been the only one for me.

He stared up and smiled. His hand slid to the back of my neck and he drew my mouth down towards his, but before our lips touched, I woke with the sun shining through the gaps in the curtain. I rolled to my back and cursed at the ceiling. I thought about going back to sleep, to chase the dream, but I knew it would be useless. Instead, I got up, showered, and started my day. I only looked at my phone every few minutes, but still, by the end of the day, there was no reply. No matter how many times I checked.

Chapter Twenty-One

Warden

What in the fuck was I doing there? Just because Julian had mentioned Emmie had a set routine, which included one day a week when she visited Ivy’s coffee shop as she worked on her laptop, I was there like a stalker. She’d messaged me just a few days ago, answering the questions I’d sent at the start. When she’d been held in the basement.

I wanted to reply. Fuck, I really wanted to, but I didn’t.

I couldn’t lead her on, even if it was just friendship she wanted from me. I couldn’t give that to her, not when I wanted more. And she was too damn young. I had to remind myself of the fact over and over.

Shit, I was getting sick of myself saying it.

When I’d heard Ivy talking to Mally at the compound one night about how proud she was of Emmie going on her first date, I’d nearly crushed the beer bottle in my hand. Instead of listening to more, I got up and left.

It’d put a foul taste in my mouth. Thinking of Emmie out on a date with some young dickhead. Fuck, just thinking of her on a date with anyone cut at my gut.

Christ, I wanted her.

I goddamn did.

There, I admitted it to myself.

I wanted Emerson Spence for myself. So much so that I hadn’t even looked at a woman since the day she’d walked out from the basement.

Did I man the fuck up and go over there, talk to her, get to know her, or keep hiding in my corner and watching her like the fucking freak I was as she chewed on a pencil while typing something on her laptop?

She hadn’t noticed me when she walked in, which I was grateful for. But if Ivy got back from wherever she was, she’d see me, call me out, and then Emmie would know I was there. Stalking her.

Fuck me. I was a sorry son-of-a-bitch.

She looked good. In fact, since I hadn’t seen her in so long, I almost didn’t recognise her when she came in. Her hair was longer, styled just nice. Her body had filled out in all the right ways, and she radiated happiness.

Was she still having nightmares?

Did she still wake from them and then listen to the music I suggested?

Was she scared in the house on her own?

When Talon told me he was selling his house next to Zara’s old one, the one where Julian and Mattie lived, I was surprised. He only owned it because he didn’t want a stranger to buy it across the road from the compound. Of course, I asked who he’d sold it to, and when he said it was Emmie, I didn’t like it.

Not that she couldn’t have her own place. Hell, I was happy she wanted her independence.

I didn’t like the thought of her being alone at night as that was when her nightmares plagued her.

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